A few days ago, Galaxy Mafia and I were sitting at a small café sipping mint juleps and munching Cheese Nips when she happened to tell me the most god-awful story I’d heard in weeks. This story was so rife with the stench of extreme ignorance that while sipping my drink I accidentally swallowed a mint leaf and began to choke! Thank goodness a handsome waiter skilled in the Heimlich maneuver was close by to free the offending leaf from my air passages or I would not be here today to relate this loathsome tale to you dear reader!

Apparently, Olympic swimmer and multiple gold medal winner, Michael Phelps was in attendance at one of those “too chic for you” celebrity parties when he set eyes on Jenna Bush. Yes dear reader, that Jenna Bush. He asked her for her phone number and he was immediately shot down like a duck during hunting season! Well our young Mr. Phelps continued undaunted to none other than Lindsey Lohan of the pneumatic physique and questionable acting and singing ability. She also bitched slapped his ego like Snoop Dogg with one of his hos!

Let me reiterate dear reader that the man these two ladies, and I use the word ladies very loosely, turned down was MICHAEL PHELPS! The same Michael Phelps with the rock hard abs and tight, biteable butt! Not to mention the lucrative endorsement deals with Speedo, Omega, and Visa just to name a few. What were these females thinking for pity’s sake? Well, we all know Jenna and twin sister Barbara have…issues(and a dad and granddad with more money than God)…but what can we make of Ms. Lohan? Maybe she only digs short, unattractive, Johnny-one-note, older men, i.e., Wilmer Valderrama. One can only hope she’ll outgrow this disturbing phase. Ah well…I can always use my copy of the Mean Girls DVD as a coaster…GD