I haven’t done one of these in SOOOOOOOOO long but I just couldn’t resist sharing some of my new favorite comedy clips with you, my dearest Dear Readers. Therefore, let us all take a moment to let loose a hearty WOOT! WOOT! as we sample the funny!

Dr. Tran's Quiet Log Time
More raw, kick ass action from the incredible Dr. Tran!


Flight of the Conchords - Episode 1
This show is so damned funny! I love their deadpan delivery! I can’t wait for the next episode ya’ll!


Flight of the Conchords - Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros
There ain’t no party like a Nanna tea party ‘cause a Nanna tea party won’t…STOP!


Sarah Silverman attacks Paris Hilton
This was made by a PH supporter and was supposed to make Ms. Silverman look bad but I think it just showcases how funny she is…


Chabal's Huge hit on Masoe - New Zealand v France - 02/06/07
While not officially comedy, it’s still the funniest thing I’ve seem in ages!


Have a great week Dear Readers and don’t work too hard! – GD

Another day…another post about my obsession with NZ Rugby…

So where to begin Dear Readers? Twas not so long ago that the apple of Ms. GD’s eye was (the still very awesome) Wentworth Miller but now with DSL and rugby games on demand, Ms. GD has broadened her Hot Ass Man horizons to include Pacific Islanders, Maori and the occasional New Zealander of European decent.

Good googly-goo but these men are the hotness ya’ll! But, I hear you chirp, just how hot are they Ms. GD? Well my Dear Inquisitive Readers, they are so very hot that four of them are currently on the top ranked national team (the All Blacks) in the world, seven of them are on the second ranked (but #1 in our hearts) team in New Zealand, three of them are on the top ranked team in NZ and they all reign supreme…all alone…at the top of the world rugby ladder and they manage to do it while being, as Mama Diva said when she say them, “Gooooooood lookin’!”

So how does one rate or even manage all this hotness? And more to the point, how does one Ms. GD express that measurement in a way her Dear Readers will comprehend? There are only three ways I can think of…organizational charts and pictures with comparisons to figures from classical Greek mythos! What? You got another way?



Canterbury Crusaders/Canterbury:
Mose Tuiali’i/Morpheus – God of Dreams
Just one look at Mose and you can see why he would embody the spirit of the god of dreams – he’s soooooo dreamy! Aaaaaargh! I swear, when I first say this photo I almost fell out of my chair! With that steely gaze and that shimmering, wet body…OH LAWD! And add to that the fact that he’s a God fearing, church going man and that just makes him all the more superb. Is that even possible? But, Ladies and Gentlemen, before you purchase those airline tickets you should know that he’s married. I know…sad huh?

Auckland Blues/Auckland:
Doug Howlett /Poseidon – God of the sea, horses and earthquakes
Well I certainly felt the earth move the first time I saw Dougie! Not to mention a fair bit of moisture down south! Wait…I guess we shouldn’t mention that? And even though I’m afraid of horses (Ms. GD thinks anything that isn’t a dog or a cat is a wild animal) I’d certainly set astride one if Mr. Hot-lett were giving me a boost! Oooooooo…his hands on my ass…*cough*…sorry. Doug’s beautiful brown/hazel eyes, ebony locks, and square jawed loveliness have been a regular feature in my fantasies and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. What I wouldn’t give to be submerged in a warm, blue green sea with him. Sigh!

Waikato Chiefs/Waikato:
Sione Lauaki/Atlas – Condemned by Zeus to stand at the western edge of the earth and shoulder the weight of the heavens
Technically Atlas isn’t a god but a Titan. However, comparing Mr. Lauaki to the doomed Titan is strangely fitting. His formidable appearance and great strength on the pitch is legendary. Unfortunately, Dear Sione hasn’t yet mastered the skill of keeping his aggression on the field. In short, he’s got an anger management problem and is quick with the fisticuffs! I ain’t mad at him though. I just think he’s misunderstood and maybe a little lonely. I’d love to cuddle him to my ample bosom, rock him back and forth and tell him it’s gonna be alright. And while I’m rocking him I’ll run my fingers (and toes) through that gorgeous mop of fat, silky curls and place a juicy kiss on those lips and…oh well you get the picture. Right?

Richard Kahui/Ares – God of savage war, or bloodlust
So young…so innocent…my Aunt Fanny! Young Mr. Kahui may look like he just got his braces off and his first big boy haircut but this man is a true warrior on the pitch! He showed his ass on the field this year (Only figuratively speaking of course…DAMNIT!) and had all the sports pundits salivating all over themselves and shorting out their computers! I was salivating too but not because he was the top scorer in the Air New Zealand Cup. No Ms. GD was drooling like a hungry cheetah because this youngin’ is FINE! Richard gotz a nice little ass on him fo reals yo!

Mils Muliaina/Apollo – God of medicine and healing, light, truth, archery and also a bringer of death-dealing plague
Well I know I felt the healing powers of Malili the first time I saw him! Praise be ya’ll! Let’s just get right to the point Dear Readers, I love this man’s body! Yes he’s a bit on the lean side but my goodness is he not perfectly defined and toned without an ounce of extra fat on him! And those legs! Ow! His voice is wonderful too. It’s not too booming but not too high either and when I hear it I just want to curl up in his lap like a cat! Unfortunately he’s hopelessly devoted to his girlfriend of many years which means I’ll never…ever get a chance to get anywhere near his lap!

Wellington Lions/Hurricanes:
Tana Umaga/Zeus – King of the gods, ruler of Mount Olympus, and god of the sky and thunder
Oh Tana, if only I’d been born in New Zealand you’d be married to me and not…well, the woman you are currently married to! What can I say about one of the greatest players of modern rugby that hasn’t already been said? Oh yeah – He’s The Hotness Ya’ll! He’s not what some would call traditionally handsome but there’s just something about Mr. Umaga, a sort of animal magnetism if you will. It’s that sort of raw, aggressive, sexual power that makes you want to scream and cry and hyperventilate before passing out on the floor! Okay well maybe I’m the only one that feels this way but that doesn’t negate his royal hotness!

Ma’a Nonu/Eros – God of lust, love, and sex and also worshipped as a fertility deity
Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Good Lord but he is beautiful! It just makes no sense for someone to be that beautiful! It makes no sense for a man to be that beautiful! And if his awesome beauty wasn’t enough he has a body like a brick shit house! Good Lord! Oh that smile! That smile like the molten surface of the sun! Dear Readers I could never meet him. Either I’d act like the village idiot and mumble incoherently whilst drooling all over his shoes or I’d molest him. Yes. It’s as simple as that.

Lome Fa’atau/Dionysus – God of wine; both it’s intoxicating power and its social and beneficial influences, promoter of civilization, a lawgiver, and lover of peace as well as the patron deity of agriculture and the theater
He’s everything a zaftig and cute as a button Texas girl could want – devout Catholic, proud Samoan/New Zealander, tall and fine like a mutha, world class winger (only a Fijian could catch him), top try scorer for the 2006 Super 14, and the most handsome man I have ever seen in my whole...entire...LIFE! I’m talking movie star/model good looks ya’ll! Sigh. Marry me baby. Please? I’ll be a wonderful wife and mother to you and our three beautiful children! I promise baby!!! Damn…did I type that out loud?

Neemia Tialata/Pan – God of shepherds and their flocks, known for his music, capable of arousing inspiration, sexuality, or panic, depending on his intentions
What’s not to like about a man that loves a damn dog like this? And did I mention he plays the guitar? And that he’s fiercely devoted to his family? He also knows his way around a bottle of hair gel (Check out that faux hawk!) And did I mention his perfectly edged up sideburns? Oh yes and as galaxyMafia would be quick to point out, he’s the linchpin of the Wellington/All Blacks scrum? And let us not forget the most important thing of all – those magnificent thighs of Adamantium! Egads and Ooooooowwww baby! You can “wrastle” with me anytime Mr. Tialata!

Shannon Paku/Hermes – God of boundaries and of the travelers who cross them, of shepherds and cowherds, of orators and wit, of literature and poets, of athletics, of weights and measures and invention and commerce in general, and of the cunning of thieves and liars
Mr. Paku needs to work on those errant cowlicks and stop parting his hair straight down the middle like Alfalfa but we’ll forgive him these minor flaws because, 1. He’s married now and that shit is his new wife’s problem and 2. All we care about are those long, luscious, luxurious legs of his and the way he likes to tease us by wearing those shawt rugby shawts. Good Lawd!


Tamati Ellison/Zephyrus – The west wind and bringer of light spring and early summer breezes
He’s much too young but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t enjoy turning him out! I don’t think he’s completely inexperienced (They start early in New Zealand plus he’s a professional athlete!) but I doubt he’s had the full benefit of many kindly, mature women in his life…if ya know what I’m saying Dear Readers. But then again, he might be able to show me a thing or three in which case I better take my vitamins and remember to stretch before we get started. What the young ones lack in control they more than make up for in stamina. Tally-Ho!

Jerry Collins/Hades – God of the Dead
Jerry Collins. Jerry Collins. Oooooo weeeee Jerry Collins! Everything I have to say about him has already been said here . Mmmmm…mmmm…Jerry Collins!




Hot Ass 2006 Super 14 Advert featuring Ma’a Nonu, Sione Lauaki and many sexy others!


This is my last official rugby post of the year so I hope you enjoyed it Dear Readers. I’m taking a short break from all this rugby foolishness until Super 14 starts in February. Now this doesn’t mean that if something (or someone) juicy pops up that I won’t blog about it. It just means I’m going to try and focus on something else besides Hot Ass Rugby Players. Pray for a sister ya’ll. – GD


Most pics found here

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ACT TWO
Scene One
Auckland, New Zealand. After a long, 24-hour flight (during which Glamour Diva was heavily sedated) to the bottom of the world, Glamour Diva and Galaxy Mafia arrive in Kiwi Land.

GLAMOUR DIVA/GALAXY MAFIA
[Stepping off the plane, strutting fiercely across the tarmac towards a black Rolls Royce, sent by the Prime Minister of NZ to fetch them]

“Bootylicious” by Destiny’s Child

Wellington – can you handle this?
Waikato – Can you handle this?
Cantebury – Can you handle this?
We don’t think they can handle this!!
Wooooooooooo!!!


ACT TWO
Scene Two

After spending the day brainstorming ideas on how to recruit African-Americans to NZ, GD returns to hotel suite to get ready for the party, which is being thrown for she and GM by the Prime Minister.

GALAXY MAFIA
So, did you and the PM come up with anything?

GLAMOUR DIVA
[rolls her eyes]
He wants to open chicken and waffle houses, and watermelon stands.

GALAXY MAFIA
Well. . .black folk like chickens. And watermelon.

GLAMOUR DIVA
We also like opera, the symphony and museums

GALAXY MAFIA
Did you suggest those things?

GLAMOUR DIVA
Yeah but, he wasn’t too keen on the opera idea. He wants Tyler Perry to come and create a Maori gospel stage play starring Hosea Gear and Keisha Castle-Hughes .

GALAXY MAFIA
[Aghast and agog]
Maori gospel stage play?

GLAMOUR DIVA
“Mama, I want to do the Haka!”. Keisha plays a young Maori girl who wants to play for the All Blacks.

GALAXY MAFIA
Speaking of the All Blacks. . .

GLAMOUR DIVA
[sighs]
Do we have to?

GALAXY MAFIA
You know the PM invited them to the party, right?

GLAMOUR DIVA
Don’t remind me.

GALAXY MAFIA
What’s wrong with you? Ain’t that why we traveled to the bottom of the world? So you could have some of that tasty Nonu?

GLAMOUR DIVA
He’s too young. . .

GALAXY MAFIA
That means he’s tender and juicy

GLAMOUR DIVA
I don’t know. . .what if he’s just a bunch of hype? I mean, I know he’s got the stamina...

GALAXY MAFIA
And he could definitely hold you up if y’all had sex in the ocean...

GLAMOUR DIVA
He might not have any skills.

GALAXY MAFIA
Guess you’ll just have to see...

GALAXY MAFIA goes into the bathroom, leaving GLAMOUR DIVA alone to ponder the question of whether or not she should ride the Nonu Express.

ACT TWO
Scene Three

THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Stupid Girls” by P!nk

Where oh where, have the smart girls gone?
Where oh where could they be?
They don’t need to be no stupid girls!

ACT TWO
Scene Four

Gala celebration at the Prime Minister’s mansion honoring GLAMOUR DIVA. All of posh and socially well-connected New Zealand is on hand at the black tie event. The entire All Black team is present as well, so fresh and so clean in their All Black tailor made suits. GLAMOUR DIVA wears Dior while GALAXY MAFIA rocks vintage Chanel. Both women have chosen super-hot shoe designer Christian Louboutin for their ruthlessly pedicured feet.

As GLAMOUR DIVA makes the rounds on the arm of the PM, being introduced to the haute monde and jet set, she notices that MA’A NONU seems to be watching every move she makes, caressing her with those smoldering dark eyes, giving her a hint of exciting things to come. Naturally, GLAMOUR DIVA does her best to ignore him however she finds herself a-flutter and a-twitter.

NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER
Is everything okay?

GLAMOUR DIVA
Uh, yes. . .yes. . .everything is fine

NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER
I have a special treat on the menu I’m sure you’ll love!

GLAMOUR DIVA
Cherries Jubilee. . .?

NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER
Pig’s feet!

GLAMOUR DIVA
Aww. . .you shouldn’t have. . .

While drinking champagne alone at the bar, GALAXY MAFIA overhears two All Black players talking.

ALL BLACK #1
Did you hear what happened to Wax?

ALL BLACK #2
No, what happened to him?

ALL BLACK #1
Well, this event is for current All Blacks, and he ain’t on the team no more. But he tried to get in anyway.

ALL BLACK #2
Dumb islander. Can’t handle his grog.

ALL BLACK #1
Anyway, the security guards hauled him out of here

ALL BLACK #2
Stupid islander. Why’d he try to get in anyway?

ALL BLACK #1
[laughs]
He thought he could meet Galaxy Mafia!!

Flabbergasted, GALAXY MAFIA sputters, coughs and spits a mouthful of champagne all over the bar, much to the disgust and frustration of the bartender.

An hour or so later, dinner is over and a DJ, dispatched from Compton, California, is spinning records while everyone cuts a fine rug.

Standing on the edge of the dance floor, MA’A NONU stands with friends and fellow All Blacks, MILS MULIAINA, SHANNON PAKU, MOSE TUIALI’I, PIRI WEEPU, JERRY COLLINS AND RICO GEAR. TANA UMAGA, while not an All Black, is there as well, in his capacity as sports dignitary . MA’A and his crew are watching GLAMOUR DIVA as she dances with the PRIME MINISTER.

MILS MULIAINA
Glamour Diva, she’s one hell of a –

MA’A NONU
Back off, nigga. That ass is mine. You can have her when I’m finished.

MOSE TUIALI’I
[disgusted, to MA’A]
Glamour Diva is not the kind of woman you pass from man to man

MA’A NONU
[to MOSE]
Nigga, ain’t you suppose to be at a prayer meeting tonight?

TANA UMAGA
Lil T, I think Moss is right. You need to watch your step around Glamour Diva

PIRI WEEPU
You can’t treat Glamour Diva like one of your regular hos.

SHANNON PAKU
You gotta treat her like a lady. . .

“Treat her like a lady” by The Temptations

Light her cigarette when she smokes
Even help her with her coat
Treat her like a lady

MA’A NONU
Y’all niggaz want to brown nose bitches. But, I’ll tell her like this: Bitch, you without me is like the All Blacks without Jonah Lomu. . .you’ll never win the World Cup.

MOSE TUIALI’I
You really should watch your language. Glamour Diva is a fine, young woman and she does not deserve to be maligned by –

MA’A NONU
[to MOSE]
Nigga, ain’t you got to go home and read the Bible?

SHANNON PAKU
Listen, I agree. . .Glamour Diva deserves more than your blatant objectification.

MA'A NONU
Nigga, spell objectification. Define it. Use it in a sentence. . .

TANA UMAGA
Slow yo roll, Lil T. . .he just used it in a sentence.

SHANNON PAKU
[stuttering]
Uh. . .O. . .B. . .G. . .?

MA'A NONU
Nigga, get yo Temptations listenin’ ass away from me. I don’t care what none of yall niggas say. Lil T gone tap that azz.

Out on the dance floor, GLAMOUR DIVA is looking for somebody, anybody to get her away from the PRIME MINISTER.

PRIME MINISTER
“Pfunk” by George Clinton

Make my funk the P.Funk
I want my funk uncut (make mine the P)
Make my funk the P.Funk
I wants to get funked up. (wants to get funked up)
I want the bomb, I want the P.Funk (yeah)
I want my funk uncut. (make mine the P)
Make my funk the P.Funk
I wants to get funked up.

GLAMOUR DIVA
Uh. . .I’ll be right back, I need to go to the ladies room

While the PRIME MINISTER leads the guests in a round of the “Harlem Shuffle”, GLAMOUR DIVA hurries over to the bar for a moment alone. After asking for a Amaretto Sour, the bartender brings her drink along with a Blackberry phone.

GLAMOUR DIVA
[looks at the phone, confused]
What’s this for?

BARTENDER
You have a call.

GLAMOUR DIVA
Hello. . .?

VOICE ON THE PHONE
Turn around

GLAMOUR DIVA
Who is this?
[reluctantly, she turns]

MA’A NONU is across the room, holding a companion phone to his ear, staring at her.

GLAMOUR DIVA
What do you want, Mr. Nonu?

MA’A MONU
“I wanna sex you up” by Color Me Badd

Hey, beautiful lady, I need you tonight
Lovely, lovely lady
I wanna make you feel all right, yeah
I cant deny, baby
I wanna love you down
You are so fine, baby
All I wanna do is(I wanna sex you up)
I want to sex you up
All night (girl you make me feel good)
I wanna sex you up.

GLAMOUR DIVA
[rolls her eyes, hangs up the phone]

Outside the mansion, SIONE “WAX” LAUAKI is facing off against a half dozen security officers.

SIONE “WAX” LAUAKI
“Never Scared” by Bone Crusher

So I'm outside of da house and you think I'm a puuuuuuuunk
So I go to my loaded tech 9 that's off in the truuuuuuuunk
I told yall muthafuckas
I ain't never scared (Wellington!)
I ain't never scared (Cantebury!)
I ain't never scared (Bay of Plenty!)
I ain't never scared (Auckland!)
I ain't never scared (Manawatu!)
I ain't never scared (Southland!)
I ain't never scared (Taranaki!)

Let a choppa go PLOOOOOOWWW! to yo melon
Now the plasma is oozin outta yo cerebellum
AttenSHUNNNNN! Fuck nigga, now you swellin
You ain't talkin hardcore, now is ya? Lil' bitch!
Got'em runnin scared of a... BIGGA NIGGA!
Cuz I put the heat to his ummm... HILFIGER!
Now on dat drank and on some of dat dank
Pistols gettin bursted now I need somethin to drank!!!!!!!!!!

SECURITY GUARD #1
[terrified, picks up walkie-talkie]
Uh. . .chief. . .we’re gonna need some serious back up. . .

Standing in the shadows, after having watched the entire scene, GALAXY MAFIA shakes her head, feeling sorry for the huge, misunderstood islander.


ACT TWO
Scene Five

Minutes after hanging up on MA’A NONU, GLAMOUR DIVA regrets her hasty action. She ponders her situation, thinking about all the foolishness WENTWORTH MILLER put her through, cheating on her with GABRIELLE UNION. Why, she wonders, shouldn’t she have some of that juicy, tender NONU as GALAXY MAFIA suggested? GLAMOUR DIVA picks up the Blackberry and dials the number NONU called her from.

Seconds later, NONU answers the phone.

MA’A NONU
Yeah. . .

GLAMOUR DIVA
“Say Somethin’” by Mariah Carey featuring Snoop Dogg

I'm over here
Looking at you
You're over there
Watching me, too
Both painting pictures of
Of how we'll kiss and f***!
So what we gon' do?
(So what ya gon' do? What ya gon' do?)

Tell me why we're standing here
The moment's fresh and so sincere
You've got my mind blown
And baby, I'm ready to go

But uh
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me

THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Mr. Wrong” by Sade

He don't care
where he's been playing
he doesn't hear
a word she's saying
she's a fancy girl
so why's she staying
hanging on for
Mr. Wrong

copyright 2006. . .galaxyMafia

ALL BLACKS: THE MUSICAL

Starring
Glamour Diva
GalaxyMafia

Wentworth Miller
Adam Rodriguez
Gabrielle Union

and

The All Blacks


ACT ONE
Scene One

In a 20,000 sq.ft. mansion in Bel Air, CA, best-selling author Glamour Diva and Wentworth Miller, star of “Prison Break” argue about their relationship. GD and Wentworth have been together for a year, and GD has only recently discovered that her boyfriend has been cheating on her with Gabrielle Union.

GLAMOUR DIVA
“Caught out there” by Kelis

Last year - Valentine's Day
You would just warmly say
“Babe I love you, love you. . .babe I swear”
Held you when you were sick
Heavin...
The whole time I think to myself, this isn't fair

WENTWORTH MILLER
“My Way” by Limp Bizkit

Special
You think you're special
You do I can see it in your eyes
I can see it when you laugh at me
Look down on me
You walk around on me
Just one more fight
About your leadership
And I will straight up
Leave your shit
Cause I've had enough of this
And now I'm pissed

GLAMOUR DIVA

What is this I see (No)
You don’t come home to me (Oh, no)
When you don’t come home to me (Man)
Can’t deal, can’t bear
You keep tellin’ me lies
But to your surprise
Look, I found her red coat
And you’re. . .bitch
Caught out there

WENTWORTH MILLER
Just one more fight
About a lot of things
And I will give up everything
To be on my own again
Free again

GLAMOUR DIVA

So sick of your games, I’ll set your ass in flames
And watch it blow up, blow up, tell me:
How you gonna see Gabby now
So far from sincere, fabrications in my ear
Drive me so far up the wall, I come slidin’ down
What is this I see (I don't believe this)
You don’t come home to me
When you don’t come home to me
I can’t deal, can’t bear (I won't)
You keep tellin’ me lies
But to your surprise
Look, I hope you're happy
Since you're
Caught out there

WENTWORTH

Just one more fight
And I'll be history
Yes I will straight up
Leave your shit
And you'll be the one who's left
Missing me

GLAMOUR DIVA
I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Aaaaah
I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Aaaaah

[Disgusted by what he views as GD’s pedantic behavior, WENTWORTH leaves the house]

ACT ONE
Scene Two

Across town, galaxyMafia is arguing with current flame, CSI:Miami star, Adam Rodriguez. GM has just learned that Adam has been carrying on an affair with Gabrielle Union, who was one of GM’s good friends. At least she was until the bitch pulled a Denise Richards.

GALAXY MAFIA
“Fine” by Whitney Houston

All those sweet (sweet) sweet kisses (yeah)
And those sweet (sweet) red roses (yeah)
They convinced me it was youI made you (you) exclusive (yeah)
Now it's so (now it’s conclusive that) conclusive
That you wasn’t doing it too.

ADAM RODRIGUEZ
[gives GM his trademark sexy, crooked smile]

GALAXYMAFIA
If you’d told me from the start that you’re playing around
It would have been fine…
Then I would have played too and I guess I would have had a good time.

If you’d told me from the start that you’re playing around
It would have been fine…
Then I would have played too and I guess I would have had a good time.
Something didn’t feel right, and I wish I knew itI just could not see your games
I got respect for you, and you put me through it
Why would you bring me so much pain.

ADAM RODRIGUEZ
“Ain’t No Fun” by Snoop Dogg

I had respect for you lady
But now I take it all back
Cuz you gave me all yo pu$$y
And you even licked my balls

GALAXY MAFIA
I hate you so much right now!!
I hate you so much right now!!

[Enraged by ADAM’s flippant, unrepentant attitude, galaxyMafia leaves the apartment]

ACT ONE
Scene Three

THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Love TKO” by Teddy Pendergrass

I think they better let it go
Looks like another love T.K.O.


ACT ONE
Scene Four

A month passes. Both GLAMOURDIVA and GALAXYMAFIA are both heartbroken and disappointed by their failed relationships. Even though the ladies have plenty to keep them busy with work, writing, personal appearances and (in GD’s case at least) sleeping, they still lament their respective lost loves.

One day, GLAMOUR DIVA comes across an old photo of her and WENTWORTH during happier times. At the same time, GALAXYMAFIA finds a love letter ADAM wrote to her.

Though in separate locations, the ladies both sing the same song.

GLAMOUR DIVA/GALAXYMAFIA
“Stronger than pride” by Sade

I won’t pretend that I intend to stop living
I won’t pretend, I’m good at forgiving
Oh, I can’t hate you
Though I have tried
I still really, really love you
Love is stronger than pride


ACT ONE
Scene Five

One month later, GLAMOUR DIVA is trying to pick up the pieces of her broken heart when she receives a message on her cell phone from MA’A NONU, a New Zealand rugby star who plays for the All Blacks. GD had met MA’A several months ago when she traveled to Auckland as a special guest of the ambassador to help recruit more African-Americans to the country. Upon meeting the tasty young player, GD had to restrain herself from smackin’ her lips. . .after all, everyone knows black people luvs eatin’ chicken and MA’A was a juicy, tender chicken but, GD was, at the time, totally committed to making things worth with beau, WENTWORTH MILLER. She and MA’A had secretly exchanged numbers, and MA’A had wanted her to do an “international booty call”, even going so far as sending plane tickets via overnight mail so she could join him in Kiwi-land. GD was tempted but wanted to concentrate on one man at a time.

However, with WENTWORTH seemingly out of the picture, GD found herself listening more attentively to the message MA’A left.

MA’A NONU
“Lonely Girl” by Jon B

He started out takin' you out
Doin' what any man would do
Sayin' any and everything to just get wit you
I can't say I blame him for a girl as fine as you
So he played you out, ain't no doubt
He was runnin' game on you
After all the fun he was through with you
Any way that it goes down girl, he's the one that's gonna lose

Don't cry lonely girl
If you need somebody girl
I know you feel deserted
And you can't find your way back home

I will show you girl
The way that love should feel
You ain't suppose to be hurtin'
And you don't have to be alone

Later that night, GD called GM and asked her advice

GD
Do you think I should visit Ma’a in NZ?

GM
Why not? What’s keeping you here? Certainly not that dumbfuck zebra Wentworth.

GD
Yeah but. . .Ma’a is very young.

GM
The younger they are, the juicier they are! I think it’s just what you need right now, some tender, succulent, hot chicken!

GD
I don’t know. . .I’m still so upset about what happened with Wentworth.

GM
I know. . .and I’m upset about what happened with Adam but. . .

GD
Maybe you ought to come too. You could hook up with that guy you met in that bar the last time we were down there.

GM
Who? That drunk island nigga that didn’t know how to hold his liquor? The one who was fighting?

GD
You know you like ‘em rough neck...

GM
Yeah. . .that’s true. He may be crazy as hell but he’s tall and fine and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

GD
Okay. . .so, we’re going to NZ for tender, young chickens.

GM
I’ll ask Miss Sakamoto to make the arrangements.


THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Maneater” by Hall and Oates

Oh, oh here they come
Watch out boys, they’ll chew you up
Oh, oh here they come
They some maneaters
Watch out boys, watch out boys!


copyright 2006. . .galaxyMafia

To paraphrase Maurice Chevalier, thank heaven for little boys! Without them we wouldn’t have full-grown men to torture us with their uselessness and general stupidity! Oh I’m sorry. Do I sound bitter? Well I am but that’s another post altogether! This post is to celebrate my favorite up and coming hot ass men to be! Little boys. So young. So cute. So uncorrupted and full of promise. Where does it all go wrong? The world may never know but until some hot shot MIT grad discovers the formula we will continue to do as Jesse instructed and keep hope alive. So what are the criteria?

1. The perspective hottie must be cute.
2. The perspective hottie must have come out the other side of puberty relatively unscathed (Unlike Haley Joel Osment).
3. The perspective hottie must be under eighteen years of age because if he’s eighteen or older then he’s legally an adult so what would be the point right?



Cameron Bright
January 26, 1993

You know him as “Oleg” from Running Scared or “Jimmy/Leech” from X-Men: The Last Stand



Malcolm David Kelley
May 12, 1992

You know him as “Walt” from Lost or “Young Atwone” from Antwone Fisher



Rupert Grint
August 24, 1988

You know him as “Ron Weasley” from the Harry Potter movie series



Jeremy Sumpter
February 5, 1989

You know him as “Pete Young” from Clubhouse or “Peter” from Peter Pan

And just when you thought it couldn't get any cuter...



Everybody saw aaaaawwwwwwww! Now that's what I call CUTE!

"More energy!"

"Shut up Josh!"

L...O...freakin' L! Talk about your future hotties!

Pictures of cutie patootie little boy with pancakes found here. – GD

TASTY MONDAY. . .Or, you always want what you can’t (legally) have!

NAME: Teddy Geiger

AGE: 17 (young, succulent, tender chicken! Yum! Yum!)

HEIGHT: Don’t know but let’s hope he hasn’t stopped growing!

WEIGHT: A tad lean for galaxyMafia but, once again, she will keep hope alive and assume he will bulk up later.

WHY SUSHI SHOULD BE EATEN OFF HIM: Because of those gorgeous lyrics to his hit, “For You I Will (Confidence)”.



Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
Forgive me if I stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, i've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, don't you play with my emotions! (sigh)

ON WHAT PART OF THE BODY SHOULD YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: Those plumped up, flavor-injected lips!!

WHERE SHOULD YOU BE WHEN YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: In the studio, trying to warble a remake of Mimi’s “Vision of Love”. You remember it. . .Treated me kind, sweet destiny!

WHEN SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: Before his bedtime or after he takes the SAT. Don’t want him to be stressed and figgety. Also, be mindful of his curfew, ladies!

PROPENSITY FOR VIOLENCE: How roughneck can a guy named “Teddy” be?

STALKER QUOTIENT: 1370. . .or, is that his SAT score. . .no, wait, that’s Brice’s SAT score!

SHOULD/COULD/WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR HIM: Normally, I’d say no because he hasn’t quite blown up the spot just yet. He has the dirty pipe bomb but, he still needs to set it off. However, considering where I find myself working these days, I’d quit my job for just about anybody. Except Wentworth Miller. (KA-POW! Take that you obsessed brujas!)

IS HE WORTH FIGHTING TEN THOUSAND SCREAMING, CRYING, KVETCHING FAN GIRLS OVER? Sorry, Ted. GalaxyMafia has been there, beat the shit out of those bitches already, although, at the time, they were Backstreet fans (ALRIGHT!!)

copyright 2006
GalaxyMafia. . .loves to make a fool of herself doing karoke. . .you can catch her at the Richmond Arms. She’ll be on stage right after the drunk Scotsmen!! Dig that frosty burr, baby!!

I’ve found a new young chicken to drool over! He is just the livin’ end I tells ya…The Livin’ End! From the top of his fashionably disheveled head to the tip of his very French nose he is Beauté personified!

NAME: Louis Garrel

AGE: 21 (It just seems wrong somehow that a person who is technically an adult could be born in 1983. 1983! In 1983 I was…well let’s just say I wasn’t born in 1983 and leave it at that. Shall we?)

HEIGHT: Dunno

WEIGHT: Dunno but he appears to fit my “skinny guy” profile

WHY SHOULD SUSHI BE EATEN OFF HIM? Because he’s all French and nubile and those big brown eyes just drill right through you…Sacre bleue!



WHEN SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM? First thing in the morning after you’ve spent the whole night in his arms because you fell asleep reading Moliére aloud to him

FROM WHAT PART OF HIS BODY SHOULD YOU EAT THE SUSHI? From the right side of his face where he has most of his moles

WHERE SHOULD YOU BE WHEN YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM? In a three story walk-up overlooking the Seine

HOW SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM? Like he's the last baguette at a picnic in front of the Eiffel Tower on a clear Spring day and the only thing that stands between you and him is Marcel Marceau



PROPENSITY FOR VIOLENCE: Hmmm…I don’t think he’s the violent type. I think he’s more like the get really depressed, drink and smoke too much and read Descartes all night then cry himself to sleep because you left him type

STALKER QUOTIENT: -100 (increases exponentially if he thinks you aren’t taking him seriously because of his age…he has an old soul)

SHOULD/COULD/WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR HIM? Uh…as Whitney Houston would say, Hell To The No! He’s too young and not nearly rich enough for you to risk looking like an idiot!

IS HE WORTH BEING PHOTOGRAPHED GIVING KARL ROVE A TONGUE BATH WHILE BEING ANALLY PROBED BY RICK SANTORUM WHILE ALSO GIVING JOHN ROBERTS AND SAMUEL ALITO HAND JOBS? Quoth Whitney Houston – Hell To The NO!



IF HE WANTED TO USE YOUR PLACE AS A SAFE HOUSE WHILE AVOIDING CAPTURE AND CERTAIN PROSECUTION BY THE FEDS FOR BITCH SLAPPING THE ENTIRE DEMOCRATIC PARTY FOR BEING SPINLESS, SONS OF BITCHES? Hold on a sec, I’m getting the guest room ready…

WOULD YOU HELP HIM CORNER WENTWORTH MILLER IN A DARK ALLEY, PULL THE PRETTY’S PANTS DOWN AND SPANK HIS TAUT, SUPPLE ASS WITH THE FUR COVERED SIDE OF A SMALL LEATHER PADDLE? Do you really have to ask?

For the record, Ms. GD does not condone hunting down and paddling celebrities…but she loves fantasizing about it! - GD

. . .well, well, well. . .for all you ladies (like galaxyMafia) who like your chicken young, tender and juicy. . .

The older galaxyMafia gets. . .the more she likes 'em young!


copyright 2005. . .galaxyMafia. . .does not have a "crush" on her co-worker who is only 17 (!) and shall remain nameless (to protect the innocent. . .which he is probably not)!!

NAME: Jeremy Sumpter

AGE: 16

HEIGHT: 5”11 (. . .which, of course, would NOT be acceptable if he wasn’t still a growing boy)

WEIGHT: 148lbs

WHY SUSHI SHOULD BE EATEN OFF HIM: ‘Cause he’s just soooooo cute. . .he’s such a tutti frutti cutie patootie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Juicy, juicy tender young chickun!!!! Whoo!!! Yee damn haw!!!!

ON WHAT PART OF HIS BODY SHOULD YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM:
WHERE SHOULD YOU BE WHEN YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: Under the bleachers after the Homecoming game. . .or, sitting in the library while studying for the PSAT. . .or, in D-Hall, which you would have been assigned to after violating the school’s no-PDA rule. . .

WHEN SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: On report card day when he’s trying to impress you with his 3.5678145627 grade average. . .or, the night before midterms when he’s feverishly trying to cram for a test on “Angry black women on the verge of inciting a revolutionary renaissance by forcing Pedro Amodovar to jump off a cliff after having a nervous breakdown”. . .

HOW SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: In the same way that you would approach a complicated calculus problem. . .slowly and haphazardly and WITHOUT a calculator!!!

PROPENSITY FOR VIOLENCE: Young chickuns can be moody and unpredictable. . .all that melodramatic teen angst, of course so, I’d say watch your back and load your Glock.

STALKER QUOTIENT: -9.088. . .or, is that his grade point average. . .?

SHOULD/COULD/WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR HIM: Yeah, you could quit your job for him but, you don’t have the balls to be that lazy. Besides, he’s not making 20 mil per pic yet (if he ever even will, which he probably won’t if he keeps doing those processed cheese Lifetime movies and getting his network shows cancelled) so you probably should keep flipping them damn burgers. Don’t forget to ask ‘em if they want to super size!

IS HE WORTH FIGHTING A BUBBLE-HEADED, SHARPIE PEN SNIFFING, ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH OBSESSED, PARIS HILTON WANNA-BE CHEERLEADER OVER? Bien sur! After all, what the hell did you watch “Fight Club” for if not to pick up some hooks and jabs to be used on Varsity Barbie? Just watch out for all that lip gloss on her mouth. . .might make landing a punch a big sticky. . .or slippery depending on which brand she uses.

IF HE SHOWED UP AT YOUR DOOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH THE ANSWERS TO THE SAT TEST AND A SOBBING, BLEARY EYED HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL PLAYER HOPPED UP ON CRYSTAL METH, WOULD YOU. . .CALL THE PRINCIPAL? ADMONISH HIM FOR STEALING, RAP HIS KNUCLES WITH A RULER AND TELL HIM TO GO AN STAND IN THE CORNER? SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? GRAB THE SAT TEST (SO YOU CAN SELL IT TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER ON E-BAY) AND THEN SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? Normally, I would admonish him for stealing because I want him to grow to be 6”4 inches tall with nice biceps and pecs and. . .er, I mean, I want him to grow up to be an enterprising young man who makes positive contributions to society BUT, if he makes it big, an arrest record would guarantee him a slot on VH1’s countdown of the 100 Best Celebrity Mug Shots!!!!

- kicking ass and taking names
galaxyMafia