So what are some of your favorite non-rugby/non-NFL hot boys up to? Well from the looks of things not a whole hell of a lot! But it really doesn’t matter because all we care about is how hot they are thus the title of this post!

The Smile That Launched A Thousand Orgasms
Oh dear A.C. Slater you are just the most adorable smoochie face! I swear I could just dive right into those dimples and drown in your exquisite cuteness! Dancing with the Stars did nothing for your career but so what? You’re hosting some crazy dance show on MTV and working on replacing Dean Cain as the king of Lifetime Movie Network. No hate here Mario…nuthin but love…

Adios Chulo! Mario Lopez pics found here.

Don’t Talk, Just Listen
No seriously, don’t talk! Hearing you speak would only make our coochies dry and who among us want’s that? But let’s not dwell on your hideous girlie voice. We shall endeavor to put that out of our minds and focus on your chiseled abs! Mmmmmm…yeessssssss…

We see you too Becks! Beckham pics found here.

And The Battle Rages On
In this corner wearing el traje de Charro we have the young upstart Alejandro Fernández! He comes from a long line of sexy Mexicanos – Papá Vicente Fernández has been knockin’em dead with his tight ass Charro suits and pencil mustache for over forty years – so you know he ain’t no punk!

Alejandro pics found here.

And in this corner wearing classic denim is Rock and/or Roll legend Chubby Checker! He may have thirty years on El pequeño Fernández but he also has experience on his side – this ain’t his first rodeo yo! He’s been working those tight ass pants since tight ass pants were invented in the 60’s! And dancing in those bad boys too! Check out those Cat Daddy boots ya'll!

Chubby pics found here.

So Dear Readers, who wins this round? Age and experience over sexy, young hotness? YOU MAKE THE CALL! The winner will receive an industrial size tube of jock itch cream and a nice pair of loose fitting, old school boxers. - GD

Looks like brother Eaton FINALLY did something ‘bout his head! Yes I know he was looking like the Shaggy D.A. for charity but seriously people, a year’s worth of new, untamed hair growth will only ever be good for charitable purposes…or Beyonce’s hair weave. I’m just saying!

Behold, the freshly shorn and baby faced Jason Eaton!



And if you’re curious about how he got to that point, check this out:



And if you’re still in complete and utter shock over how much Mrs. Eaton’s baby boy has changed you can check out the cutie video here.

Now if we can just do something about the wonky front tooth and the adult acne I will feel so much better about this whole situation. You know I love you Jas but um…you need to do a much better job of preserving ya sexy baby boy! Na-mean? - GD

I don’t know if you’ve heard but there’s this little pick up rugby game played in Europe called 6 Nations? Well every February, while people below the Equator are creaming their panties over Super 14 [And I'm still not celebrating my Very Merry UnBirthday], six countries (Or three if you stubbornly insist on thinking Wales, Scotland, England and Ireland are part of Great Britain) battle it out for European rugby supremacy! So what’s the damn difference you ask, other than the dearth of Polynesians on Anglo soil?

Well ya’ll know I love me some Southern Hemisphere rugby but I also love the game being played in the North. Even though the game is the same all over the world, it’s the style of play that separates the two. If you should ask your average rugby fan what the main difference between the two is, you will most likely get the short and sweet answer – Speed. The South tends to favor “faster” play with more emphasis on the role of the Backs as opposed to the North’s “slower” and seemingly more structured game play with emphasis on the Forwards.

Now I’ll admit that I sometimes find myself dozing off during a few of these games but I can’t place all the blame on the teams. Spending so much time on Super 14 with all the writing and podcasting doesn’t help! A sista gets plum tuckered out yo! But not having to “put on a show” and just being able to sit back and enjoy the game at my leisure is very relaxing which means I sometimes nod off. So sue me!

But I have two reasons why I still make the effort to watch this tournament, the first being that because I don’t have all the ‘Nesian and Le Michalak (He’s slumming it down South Africa way for Super 14) distractions I can focus on the game because I’m still learning. The second reason is that I get to see those Smoking Hot Pieces of Rugby Trash – Mauro and Mirco Bergamasco! Truth be told, I prefer the younger Mirco but I wouldn’t kick Mauro out of bed if ya know what I mean!

So please enjoy my little slideshow tribute to the hottest Italian brothers since Romulus and Remus! And after you drool over the show, watch a few 6 Nations games! Le Michalak is gone but Sean Fergus Lamont and his AMAZING ass is still playing!  Oh and don't forget all the new young talent on the French side!  So many new tight asses...so little time!  Sigh...

Girl Please!

Ya'll know I must be MAD, CRAZY bored to be writing about Daniel "The Robot" Caaaaataaaaah but, as the old folks say, "It be's that way some time"! Apparently our old buddy Harold [It's a podcast joke, if you listened you would know] wasn't on his game...again...and accidentally plugged DC directly into the wall instead of the factory recommended surge protector. Of course management says he "strained a muscle" but we all know that's a damn lie as robots are not animals and therefore DO NOT have muscles! Now maybe he has a lot of extra stretchy wires and shit attached to his adamantium skeleton but that's a horse of a different color, so to speak.

No I think our sweet little hunk o'junk is currently spread out on an exam table somewhere deep in the recesses of the All Black's super secret and totally hush-hush underground laboratory [Begin eerie music] in Tasmania getting the full robot spa treatment! Ya know, checking his fluids, replacing the chips that got scrambled from the power surge, upgrading his operating system to Linux [That crappy ass Vista is what got them in trouble during the World Cup!] and testing his targeting systems.

Seriously, I really love this picture; it fits the story so well! If I didn't know this photo was taken during the WC I'd swear it was taken right at the precise moment he started malfunctioning! Can't you just hear all the BOING! CRASH! WHIR! and other noises going on in the background? And don't forget the springs flying every which way and the smoke coming out of his ass! Okay, okay I'll stop! Nothin' but love for Mr. Roboto, er I mean Mr. Carter. - GD

Read the rest of this fabrication here

Besides, if we hadn’t taken the low road we never would have seen this!

In this episode The Sushi Girls™ grab their bagpipes and head out to the heather covered land of kilts, haggis, and William Wallace, otherwise known as Scotland! Take note as your girls discuss Doug Howlett’s ancestry and how it prevents him for putting foot to ass more often, Glamour Diva’s love of a good Scottish burr and the men who own them, the return of the robot – Dan Carter – and his special sound effect, galaxyMafia’s disturbingly thorough match report and game analysis, the lackluster performance of all the teams during the current RWC, the last known footage of Sione Lauaki without WTF? hair, Graham Henry’s naughty disciplinary methods, the triumphant return of Sione Time and much, much more!

Podcast Further Information

Roots

Children of Men

Rod Serling

Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out


Merrie Melodies – My Bunny Lies Over The Sea


Average White Band – Pick Up The Pieces


Now without further ado, this week's podcast…

Warning: this podcast is definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK so download our foolishness at your peril…

Introducing Korean R&B sensation Jung Ji-Hoon also known as Rain or Bi (Be) in Korean.













Man Up - Omarion feat. Rain


In My Bed


I'm Coming


He's only 25 years old Dear Readers! Now that's what I call "Tender Young Chicken"! Mmmmm...mmmmm... - GD

OH MY GOODNESS! This man gets sexier every time I see him. Funny but I'm craving coffee now...with a whole lot of sweet cream!















Sigh! Will Prison Break ever return?!?!? Sigh! - GD

Channing Tatum – Actor/Model and David Beckham – Professional Athlete/Spokeswhore

While these men are not technically homely, they are, however, just not that cute to me. They have all the raw materials (Slender, muscular, tall…muscular…) to star in my most feverish wet dreams but for some strange reason they simple do not get my juices flowing. Is it David’s girlie voice, metrosexual ways and questionable taste in wives? Is it Channing’s duck lips, beady eyes and Mark Wahlberg as Marky Mark circa 1990 wigga manner of speaking? Maybe. But if I ingest the right amount of liquor and they both promise not to speak or look directly at me, I’d hit it.

Channing Tatum




Channing Tatum Movie Clip



David Beckham




David Beckham Interview



Who’s next for the chop? Anyone? – GD

Ladies, does the following scenario sound familiar?
You’re in the line at Starbucks, getting ready to order something low fat with skim milk (when you’re really craving a 590 calorie – yes, baby, I checked - double chocolate chip frappuccino) and you see. . .him.

You know the one I’m talking about. He’s standing over there by the condiment bar, sprinkling a bit of crème in his espresso and he is, as they say en Français, tres chaud, hotter than that coffee he’s drinking and no doubt, just as bold and strong.

The man is practically down on his hands and knees, begging to be objectified and you are just the cat mama to oblige but, just as you are about to, you notice him saying something to one of the Starbucks workers and they share a laugh.

That’s when you realize that, Houston, we got a problem, and it ain’t all them damn Katrina evacuees in our city taking all the damn jobs, empty apartments and WIC cards, okaaay!

Much to your chagrin and bitter disappointment, the guy has what I affectionately like to call, a “yuck-mouth”. To call the man buck-toothed would be charitable. And you don’t even want to go there concerning those gaps between his teeth. He’s got more wide-open spaces than a Nevada whorehouse. In other words, he needs to get his damn teeth fixed!

Instead of buying that over-priced sludge at that ubiquitous coffee house, he should be saving his money for the first installment on some braces, or dental implants, or a bridge or whatever the fudge he’ll need to do in order to wake up from that orthodontic nightmare!

As Marlon Brando would breathlessly whisper, “The horror. . .the horror. . .”

Now, maybe the hot guy you’ve seen didn’t have a train wreck going on in his mouth. Maybe he had beautiful gray eyes, a perfectly dimpled smile with snow white teeth. And then he stood up. . .and you saw that he was 5”2. Which wouldn’t be a problem if you weren’t a six-foot tall glamazon!

Or, maybe he had a whiny, nasally voice that droned on and on, making you feel as though you were having a conversation with Charlie Brown’s teacher.

Or, maybe. . .

Well, I could go on but the point is. . .the guy you had your eyes on had been hot and sushilicious until you discovered the one flaw that made you say, “Never mind. . .that’s okay.” That one flaw that made you think, If only his breath hadn’t stunk like raw sewage he woulda been perfect!
Recently, I saw a good-looking guy at that bookstore where I slave as an indentured servant, and everything was on like a pot of neck bones until he walked past me and I realized that I was taller that him. Not much taller, however, tall enough to never be able to wear a four-inch heel without making him feel like an emasculated gnome. I have never wanted to be the Susan Anton to some vertically challenged bloke’s Dudley Moore.

So, it got galaxyMafia to thinking (which is rarely a prodigious thing). What if we could have our dream man, with all the bells and whistles that we prefer? And what if we were allowed to make this man ourselves from scratch with brand new parts? What if we could go down to our local mall and walk into. . .

BUILD-A-BOYFRIEND!

Just think about it, while your snarky, skanky little niece and all of her friends (whose boobs are bigger than yours thanks to the phosphate hormones in chickens) head over to Build-A-Bear, you can pop into BUILD-A-BOYFRIEND and create the perfect chap custom made (like a Givenchy couture gown) just for you.

Picture it. . .

Free from the gaggle of 12-year-olds and their high-pitched squeals (that could break the sound barrier) and their proclamations that, “Wentworth Miller is soooooooooooo-cute!”, you step into the BUILD-A-BOYFRIEND WORKSHOP.

Upon entering, you are greeted by a Master Boyfriend Builder associate who will guide you through all the steps of creating your custom made boyfriend.

First, you get to choose what your dream boyfriend will look like!

Should he have blue eyes? Brown eyes? Hazel? Will he be black, Latino, half-Russian/half-Indian? Will he be tall? Pale with rosy cheeks? A little soft around the edges? Dark hair? Bald? Or will he look like a jarhead Marine? Will he have an adorable sheepish demeanor? A smoldering bedroom stare? A thoughtful, yet intense gaze? It’s up to you chica! He’s gonna be your old man! You make the call!

Second, you get to choose everything (and I do mean everything) that your new dream boyfriend will say and you get to choose how his voice will sound (which often is more important than what he says!). Would you like him to cuss like a salty seadog? Want him to have a frothy Scottish burr? Should all of his words be four-syllables or more? Or maybe, you don’t need him to utter a freaking word! If so, you can simply choose the MUTE option! Not sure what you want him to say? Well, BUILD-A-BOYFRIEND has tons of pre-recorded phrases that you can add to your new boyfriend’s vocabulary. Like, “Here, sweetheart, take my American Express Black card and go buy yourself something that I really can’t afford! I won’t be mad at you, I promise!”

Third, you get to choose his personality, his beliefs, attitudes and even his thoughts!! Will he be a witty nonconformist? A compassionate populist? An astrologer with a heart of fool’s gold? A submissive self-effacing jellyfish? A perverted, intelligent geek who nevertheless knows his place? These decisions will be yours to make! He’s your man to create!
After you’ve made your choices, you’ll sit in a chair, close your eyes, get spun around four times and then when you open your eyes, viola! Your dream man, the one you created specifically to meet your every need (even the needs that you don’t really need met) will be standing before you, rose in hand, waiting to fulfill your every desire!

Oh, what were it were true!

Alas. . .this perfect dream man would probably cost more money than you’d ever be able to make even if you did become a high class call girl.

The sad truth is, you couldn’t afford him. . .and even if you could, when you took him home, you would discover that there was something wrong with him, and you’d have to take him back to BUILD-A-BOYFRIEND to make an exchange. . .

Only, there are no refunds or returns in the land of the make-believe custom-made man. When you custom make this bloke, he’s only gonna satisfy you. Your nosey next-door neighbor Peggy and your co-worker LaVerne from Accounting aren’t gonna dig the cut of his jib, if ya know what I mean.

At BUILD-A-BOYFRIEND, all sales are final.

Which brings us to the only thing good about real men, the kind made from sperm and eggs (in or out of the petri dish): If a real guy doesn’t live up to your expectations, you can always exchange him for somebody new and you don’t even have to show a receipt!

2005 - galaxyMafia. . .would like her dream man to look sorta kinda like that guy on "Prison Break". . .no, no, not Wentworth Miller. . .the other one. . .sheesh!!!! She would also like him to give her loose diamonds and to say as little as possible so as not to destroy the mood!

Don’t believe the hype!

These boys look hot and tasty but, they’re always faded, often multiplied, divided, subtracted and duplicated. . .

In the world premiere of this exclusive column, galaxyMafia and Glamour Diva present to you the boys you objectify but. . .somehow, you just don’t know why. . .

Could it be because they’re overrated. . .?


To be inspected: JESSE METCALF

His publicist will tell you he’s: Suicide hot!!! Translation = He’s so fine he’ll make you jump off a damn building! But, wait, before you take that quantum leap, peep this. . .

The sad, irrevocable truth about him is: He’s barely medium. . .a few herbs and spices but not enough to really wake up your taste buds. Jesse is cute but in an artificially sweet way like aspartame. He’s sure to leave a sticky, stale aftertaste.

OK, so let me break it down like a complex carbohydrate. Jesse’s the guy who plays the gardener who’s boffing E. Lo on “Desperate Housewives”. And when they say gardener, they want you to think the following:

1) He mows the yard
2) He gets all hot and sweaty
3) He takes off his shirt
4) He waters the grass with a hose, AND
5) He (ala peanut butter sandwiches!) trims bushes!!!!!

And because of that, they expect you to get all a-twitter and a-flutter, they think you're supposed to get all hot and bothered over that tired “sexy gardener” routine. But, it’s played out, it’s been done before by guys who are really worth their hedge clippers. Trust me, Jesse has no idea how to use a hoe.

GalaxyMafia gives him a: Grade N+
Look, with a punk wuss name like Jesse (yes, I know he was David’s dad but, he didn’t give David his propers so. . .) he’s bound to be a jellyfish (and no, I don’t mean Portuguese Man-O-War).

NAME: Paul Sculfor

AGE: 30

HEIGHT: 6’

WEIGHT: Dunno (If he weighs more than 195 lbs. I’ll eat dirt!)

WHY SUSHI SHOULD BE EATEN OFF HIM? So I may die a happy and fulfilled woman.

FROM WHAT PART OF HIS BODY SHOULD YOU EAT THE SUSHI? Lips, chest, belly, thighs…does it really damn matter?

WHERE SHOULD YOU BE WHEN YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM? Luxury suite at the Waldorf-Astoria (He’s paying of course)

WHEN SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM? Right after room service delivers it

HOW SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM? Feverishly, savoring every luscious bite

PROPENSITY FOR VIOLENCE: Medium. Those heavy lidded, Slavic looking blue eyes are at once alluring and dangerous. He looks like the jealous type. That’s so freakin’ hot!

STALKER QUOTIENT: 2.12 (increases exponentially if he thinks you might be “toying” with another “boy”)

SHOULD/COULD/WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR HIM? Don’t quit your job but do, by all means, take an extended leave of absence. Once you’ve squeezed every last drop of hotness from his hard body you may return to your normal, boring, meaningless life.

IS HE WORTH BEING PHOTOGRAPHED GIVING KARL ROVE A TONGUE BATH WHILE BEING ANALLY PROBED BY RICK SANTORUM? Hell NO! I’d rather be video taped having a threesome with Fred Durst and Alan Greenspan!

IF HE WANTED TO USE YOUR PLACE AS A SAFEHOUSE WHILE AVOIDING CAPTURE AND CERTAIN PROSECUTION BY THE FEDS FOR BITCH SLAPPING ALL THE CURRENT UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT JUSTICES, WOULD YOU LET HIM STAY, TELL HIM TO GET THE HELL ON, OR TURN HIM IN? Oh he would be so locked in my bedroom and chained to my bed post! Should I keep him naked or should I have him wear a pair of tiny white Calvin Klein undies? Naked for sure with a Swarovski crystal studded dog collar around his neck! I can see it all now…sweet, naked Paul sleeping on a pallet at the foot of my bed, curled up in the fetal position…sucking his thumb. I gently stroke his ebony locks while I stare down at his beauty. What is he dreaming about? Why pleasuring me in ever new and exciting ways of course! I reach down with my index finger to slowly trace a line from his strong chin, down his chest and across his lean thighs. He stirs a bit, stretches like a lazy cheetah in the sun then looks up into my eyes and smiles. He takes my hand, kisses my palm and leads my hand down to his arousal where he…

WOULD YOU HELP HIM FENCE STOLEN ART? Sorry but he’s way to busy for that! I have toilets that need scrubbing, hard wood floors that need waxing and dishes to be washed. Get your own sex slave and stop trying to corrupt mine!

And speaking of sex slaves… – GD

Jeter, Jeter, (you-know-what!) eater!! This half-and-half lad is no Sultan of Swing, I don't care how many RBIs he's got. You might think you want to make it to first base with him but, trust me, this shortstop will leave you stranded at third. . .and even if you do make it home, you'll never be safe! Knock this fugger outta the park! Take it from me, he has no idea how handle that Lousiville Slugger!!

One, two, three strikes. . .he's OUT!!!!




Name: Derek Jeter:

Even if your life depends on it, don't objectify him because. . .He's the damn reason Mariah Carey writes all those mopey, dopey, drippy baby-please-come-back-to-me-I-can't-live-without-you-or-I'll-die-in-the-street love songs!

OK, listen, we know what you're going to say. . .

But, what if he's cute? No, because. . .despite the fact that People magazine once named him as one of their 50 Most Beautiful People, let's face it. . .light brown paper bag skin and light colored eyes do not a pretty boy make. . .if light skin and light eyes are your thing, take a trip down to Louisiana. . .you'll find plenty of Creoles to alligator wrestle in the bayou with. . .anyway, Jeter's hairline is receding, he's getting crow's feet and he's a Zebra (half black/half white) so who know what the fudge your damn kids would look like!

What if he's rich? No because. . .even though Jeter has a 100-million dollar contract, it's probably payed out over 52 years and do you really want to spend that much time with this self-aggrandizing meglomanic? And by the way, don't let that charitable foundation fool you. Sure, he helps kids but the idea was inspired by Dave Winfield, one of Jeter's childhood idols and the man who gave Robin Givens' mom herpes. . .Hmm. . .somehow I'm not surprised that he picked a sex-crazed, diseased slugger to model himself after. . .

What if he has a cure for cancer? No because. . .he and his friends Jason Giambi (who just got kicked to the edge of the driveway by Nike) and Alex Rodriguez would rape and bastardize it by using it as a steroid to drive up their slugging averages.

What if he gives me loose diamonds/an island in Fiji/51% ownership in the football team he owns? Still, you can't ojectify him because. . .he's the kind of snot-rag who's ask for the diamonds back (because he'd keep the receipt). . .he's the kind of slut-puppy who'd do all the native girls before he kicked them off the island. . .but, as far as the football team goes, take the 51% then Call-Block his number. . .

Bottom line is, with him as a table, sushi would taste like. . .his jock strap after the 2001 World Series.

Don't take me out to his ballgame!

...Or What a Horrible Wack-tastrophe!

NAME: George Clooney

EVEN IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, DON'T OBJECTIFY HIM BECAUSE: He is waaaaaay too overrated, he has no top lip (I could never trust a man without a top lip. It’s just unseemly!), and he’s on the serious down low! If you don’t believe me just ask Jackie Collins! I have no respect for a man who can not admit he…ahem…enjoys the company of other men.

OK, LISTEN, WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY, “BUT, WHAT IF HE'S CUTE”? NO, BECAUSE: He ain’t that cute! I’ve stepped over cuter floating in the gutter!

WHAT IF HE'S RICH? NO, BECAUSE: Would you really want to share all his cash with Serge, Trey, Niles and all his...ahem... “poker” buddies? I think not!

WHAT IF HE CHALLENGES USHER TO A DANCE-OFF (AND WINS!) WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY JUGGLEING YOU, YO MAMA, AND FRED DURST? NO, BECAUSE: Would you really want to lay a pinky finger on, much less eat sushi off anyone who’d touched Fred Durst? I didn’t think so!

WHAT IF HE GIVES ME LOOSE DIAMONDS/AN ISLAND IN FIJI/51% OWNERSHIP IN THE FOOTBALL TEAM HE OWNS? (LORD, WE FEEL YOUR PAIN, SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THE LOOSE DIAMONDS!) STILL, NO YOU CAN'T OBJECTIFY HIM BECAUSE: Ahem! See number 4

BOTTOM LINE IS, WITH HIM AS A TABLE, SUSHI WOULD TASTE LIKE: Fire roasted rat feces with just a hint of lime.

And in the immortal words of Madonna –

And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]

So there George Clooney! You are so very wickety wickety wack! Yawn! – GD

Fabulous Freddie


NAME: Karl Fredrik “Freddie” Ljungberg

AGE: 28

HEIGHT: 176cm / 5'9"

WEIGHT: 75kg / 165 lbs

WHY SUSHI SHOULD BE EATEN OFF HIM: Heavens to Betsy are you blind, daft, or both? Just look at him!

ON WHAT PART OF HIS BODY SHOULD YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: From just below his collar bone to the very edge of the waistband of his Calvin Klein underwear.

WHERE SHOULD YOU BE WHEN YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: Dead center of the football pitch (soccer field) with 100,000 screaming Arsenal fans and ESPN cheering the both of you on!

WHEN SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: Either before of after he’s done playing…too salty otherwise. Also, the grass from the field might get stuck in your teeth.

HOW SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: Really now ladies, what the hell else do you have to do? Wash your hair? Walk the dog? Change the air filter in your mother’s iron lung? PUH-LEEEEZE!

PROPENSITY FOR VIOLENCE: Very low. Metrosexuals like our dear Freddie abhor violence (too much wear and tear on the expensive designer clothes), that is unless their salon has run out of their favorite facial moisturizer then it’s, as my Grandmother used to say, “Hell pay the Captain”!

STALKER QUOTIENT: -3.25 (increases exponentially if you use his razor or wear his favorite Armani shirt to work without asking first)

SHOULD/COULD/WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR HIM: You could certainly leave your job for him! He’s paid millions of pounds to run up and down a field kicking a little black and white ball and has tons of endorsements in Great Britain as well as his home country of Sweden. And if you play your cards right you could meet Victoria and David Beckham! Okay…maybe that’s not much of an enticement…

IS HE WORTH FIGHTING A BAND OF MARAUDING, NUNCHAKUS BRANDISHING REPUBLICANS LEAD BY THE VATICAN’S FULL SYNOD OF BISHOPS ON HORSEBACK WIELDING SOLID GOLD COPIES OF CANON LAW SHARPENED TO REALLY SCARY POINTS? Probably not but I’d make sure I'd licked him clean, packed my bag for Fiji and left for the airport before that unholy hoard got to my door!

IF HE SHOWED UP AT YOUR DOOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A BAG FULL OF STOLEN BEARER BONDS AND A TEFLON COATED 9MM SLUG IN HIS CHEST, WOULD YOU. . .CALL THE COPS? DIG THE BULLET OUT? SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? GRAB THE BEARER BONDS AND THEN SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? OTHER? Again, are you freakin' kidding me? I’d grab the bonds then slam the door in his face! But while I was on my way to the airport to catch that flight to Fiji I’d call 911 to report his beautiful yet bleeding body to the authorities. Then I’d throw the phone out the limo window. The last thing I need is Interpol asking me questions while I’m trying to sun myself by the lovely sapphire like ocean in Fiji for the love of Mike!

WOULD YOU HELP HIM LAUNDER SOUTH AFRICAN KUGGERANDS? Um…let me think…HELL YES! Then I’d set him up to take the fall for the whole thing…just before I pack my bags for Fiji and head out for the airport with my 21st century pirate booty safely tucked away in a Swiss bank account. Besides, just think of all the pretty, pretty boys I could buy with all that pretty, pretty gold!

My southern region is all a-tingle just thinking about it! - GD