Yes we are foolishly trying this interactive crap AGAIN so you can bloody well be part of the damn podcast!  This is our last show until Super 14 rears it's perfectly coiffed head  in February 2008 so don't be lame Dear Ones and give us some electronic support! This Monday (October 29) at 7:05 pm Central Standard Time we will open up the chat lines...again, the email lines...again, and the Skype lines...again...to anyone who gives a damn! Woo-freakin-hoo...again. So if you aren't too busy with your fabulous lives please do join us won't you?

Email: the_sushi_diaries@yahoo.com
Yahoo! ID: the_sushi_diaries
Skype (Internet call or chat): misssakamoto

Time Conversions
7:05pm CST=
12:05:00 a.m. Tuesday October 30 in Greenwich Mean Time (GMT)
02:05:00 a.m. Tuesday October 30 in Johannesburg
08:05:00 a.m. Tuesday October 30 in Hong Kong
11:05:00 a.m. Tuesday October 30 in Sydney
01:05:00 p.m. Monday October 29 in Samoa

Smooches,
Glamour Diva and galaxyMafia

Never ever been a forward girl

I just speak my mind

Being honest never felt so good

Or looked so fine



Looking good isn’t everything

And personality won’t make emotions ring

The combination is what love’s about

I’m not in love, but I have no doubt



You look good to me

When you walk

I just lose all my control

You look good to me

And when you talk

I just wanna kiss your big mouth, baby


You Look Good To Me – Cherrelle

I met him out for dinner on a Friday night
He really got me working up an appetite
He had tattoos up and down his arm
There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm
He's a one-stop shop, makes the panties drop
He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated candyman
A sweet talkin' sugar coated candyman
Candyman – Christina Aguilera

Written earlier today…

I’m sitting at work and I’ve just finished filing my nails. I’m listening to Do I Qualify by Lynden David Hall (RIP) and thinking how fucked up it is that I do “qualify” but no one else seems to! That old saying, if it ain’t one thing it’s another, certainly applies to my life at the moment. Just when I start to get a little perspective on my life and the way I’d like to live it, all these…things…start springing up! Well let’s be honest, it’s really just one BIG thing with a few niggling little things bopping around.

What we’re gonna do now is go back…way back…back into time

For the last few years I’ve been regularly contemplating my existence. My midlife crisis is about four years early, which, according to Mama Diva, makes all the sense in the world as I was “developmentally advanced” as a child. All I can think about is how I’m going to die soon and will have nothing to show for my wasted life. After Mama Diva there will be no one left to care that I ever existed! There is no spouse or children. My siblings and I jump from adoration to estrangement with such alarming frequency that I’m never really sure where I stand with either of them!

I know what you’re thinking Dear Readers. You’re thinking that nothing is written in stone so why keep bitching. Right? Well yes I know, intellectually, that nothing is ever final and life is what you make it but that doesn’t make it any less scary and often times shitty as hell while I’m living it. Case in point:

You don’t keep it thugy like he keep it thugy

So there’s this guy at my job, we’ll call him Thug Life, who I flirt with all the time. I don’t know why but I find him so damned attractive! My friends would say it’s because I’ve always had a thing for thugs, which is true but I think there’s something more. It isn’t all about his looks either. He isn’t much taller than me (I saw his CDL today and he’s 5’ 7”) and he has average looks but he’s very dark which, coincidentally, is just the way I likes it baby! In fact, he is so dark that you have to get within three feet of him to see all the tattoos on his steel girder-like arms. And oh my goodness but his body is stunning…at least what I can see ‘cause he love himself some baggy clothes! Sigh. God I love looking at him! And now that I’ve touched him I can’t stop thinking about how wonderful he’d feel and how wonderful it would feel for him to feel me!

Okay so I guess I need to back up a bit right? Like I wrote we’d been flirting for weeks with nothing really happening until two weeks ago when he seemed to be going out of his way to speak to me. Of course I was delighted I mean, the brother is fine and this is such an 180º from all the goons that typically try to chat me up during the day. So I sense your quizzical stares at your computer screens – What the fuck is the problem Glamour Diva…RUSH THAT SHIT! The problem is this:

a. He’s married with three children.
b. He doesn’t care that he’s married with three children.
c. I know he’s married with three children yet I still want him like my life depended on me having him!

I haven’t had such a visceral response to someone (Lome Fa’atau notwithstanding) like this in years! Is it the pheromones? Is it that he’s just sexy as hell? Is it because I’ve decided to remain celibate until I find the right person for me? Or is it a combination of everything?

Otherwise, you may say in your heart, 'My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth.' – Deuteronomy 8:17

Earlier this year, during Lent, I made official the promise I’d made to myself by turning over my will to God’s will by giving up sex and making a concerted effort to pray every morning for the lasting love I crave. I know some learned theologian might disagree with me on this but it’s weird that whenever we truly want change and really get down to the brass tacks of making said changes in our lives, it seems God comes along and says, ‘Okay so you say you’re serious and you stand by faith? Well take that! And this! And oh my how about a little of THIS!?!?”

I know my feelings for Thug Life are just a test. A very sensual, dark chocolate dipped test but a test just the same. If I want a boyfriend and eventually a husband (Although the idea of marriage still frightens the hell out of me!) I have to be strong and not fall back into my old patterns. I’m not just referring to the sex, mind you, but to my attitude in general.

Working on this job has been a wonderful exercise is patience, which I sorely lack, and it’s carried over into my relationship with my Mother. I’ve been fighting the entire house cleaning and remodeling thing because I fear change. And while it is still difficult I’m not being a total brat about helping her get things done. Also, I don’t make a lot of money but my bills are getting paid. Is it a miracle? Yes, it’s a miracle that I decided to become more financially responsible because who wants to marry a woman with lots of debt? I find that I’m calmer and more relaxed about many things (except for having the hot pants for Thug Life) in general but there is still this sense of urgency which I don’t quite understand but I guess I’ll just have to continue to pray on that.

I ask myself this question – Is it possible to force yourself to grow up while simultaneously pushing back old age? I’m hoping the answer is yes! It’s taken a while for me to realize it but you can’t invite change into one area of your life without it taking over every other part. And when I asked God to help me I had to be open to accepting that help in whatever form it took. This time it might be a very attractive man who is an example of everything I don’t want in a relationship. And my feelings for him? Maybe the intensity of these feelings is just to remind me of how rare a true and uplifting love is and how much harder I’ll have to work to keep it once I’ve received it? Whatever the meaning I know that any “wealth” I receive will not be gained by my hand alone. That’s what faith and God’s grace are for. – GD

I'm a Southern Girl
From way down South
Got a dirty way
'Cause I got a dirty mouth, dirty South
Southern Girl – Erykah Badu

That's right, pleased to meet u 

I still won't tell u my name 

Don't u believe in mystery? 

Don't u wanna play my game?
Nasty Girl – Vanity 6

Nas·ty |nastē|
adjective (-tier, -tiest)
Highly unpleasant, esp. to the senses; physically nauseating, repugnant to the mind; morally bad, Of a person or animal – behaving in an unpleasant or spiteful way, annoying or unwelcome, physically or mentally damaging or harmful.

Full disclosure Dear Readers…I’m a flirt. I’m also one hell of a cock tease and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Seduction is a lost art form people! We are all so concerned with “the get” that we’ve forgotten how nice it feels to just sit back and let all those anticipatory feelings wash over us and engulf those lucky enough to be standing near us. Flirting is fun! Having said that, I will now give you a view into the wicked mind of your girl, Glamour Diva…

A Tale of Two Mexicans

Mexicano número uno – I call him “Ratonito” (Lil’ Mouse) because he’s short, pudgy and has beady, shifty little brown eyes. He’s also a filthy little fucker (Pestilence anyone?) but I’m way filthier and I showed him that recently. I was walking down the hall towards my office when I noticed him standing next to the break room entrance. I called out to him (¡Ratonito!) and he answered me (¡Sí mi amor! ¿Que paso?) then asked if I was leaving for lunch. I said no then asked if he was hungry. He smiled slyly while looking me up and down then chuckled and shook his head. I leaned in close to him and said:

I have something for you to eat but I know if I gave it to you your whole face would look like a glazed donut afterwards.

As Mama Diva would say, you could have sold him for two cents worth of dog meat! He was so nonplussed that all he could do was smile widely and walk away shaking his head. Lesser men would have given up after that but not the indomitable mouse! Today he was back again, nibbling away at the queso in the Trampa del ratón I keep in my cleavage. ¡Aye Pobrecito (Poor baby)!

Mexicano número dos – “Tío Tímido” (Uncle Shy) is a very sweet gentleman with a definite naughty streak! He isn’t as forward as some of the others but I know what lust looks like and I can see it in his eyes. He isn’t very handsome but he isn’t busted up in the face either. He has a beginner potbelly and we’re about the same height but he has a lot of hair and it’s graying at the temples, which makes him look kind of distinguished. In short, he really does look like that kindly, wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly, old Uncle everyone has. I’ve known for a while that he has a little crush on me but like I wrote, he’s harmless so I always make sure I have a big smile for him whenever I see him. But yesterday I was bored so I decided to have some fun with him.

I was in Ms. Sadie’s office helping her with the filing when he stopped by on his way to clock in. We all made small talk for a while when I noticed he’d gotten a haircut. He was surprised that I’d noticed and nervously touched his head. I told him he looked very handsome and he turned bright red! I asked him was he blushing and he whispered yes as he ran off to clock in.

A few minutes later I was back in the dispatch office when I noticed him by the window, kneeling in front of the Driver’s payroll file cabinet outside the office. I walked over to the window and gave him one of those very obvious, silly winks. He blushed again and mouthed something I couldn’t hear behind the glass. I walked outside and he repeated that he wanted to take me to dinner later on that evening. I smiled and thanked him saying that I wouldn’t be able to join him because I got off work at 5pm. He sighed a little then said, “Maybe next time” as he walked towards the door that leads to the truck yard. Wasn’t that sweet ya’ll? Unfortunately…

Many Hens…Only One Rooster

…The Rooster witnessed the whole damn thing! Tío Tímido saw him looking and started pointing and laughing. I swear The Rooster looked like a dog that’d just heard a noise, ears pointed up and out, nostrils flared and sniffing. So I decided I’d give him an award winning show! I pretended to ignore him while I waved sweetly to Tío Tímido, smiling my best “I Want Your Face Between My Thighs” smile. Of course Tío turned practically crimson and scurried out the door! And The Rooster? He pretended not to notice as he lowered his head, frowning the frown of the unwanted. Yay for Tío! Boo…Hiss for The Rooster!

In my next installment I’ll take you on a ride to the “Thugy” side of town…that is unless something sillier happens which is entirely possible at this crazy ass job! And YES, those are my actual lips! Stay tuned ya’ll! – GD



Winky Cheesecake pic found here

I’m not a prude,
I just want some respect
So close the door if you want me to respond
‘Cause privacy is my middle name
My last name is control
No, my first name ain’t baby,
It’s Janet... Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty
Nasty – Janet Jackson

Nas·ty |nastē|
adjective (-tier, -tiest)
Highly unpleasant, esp. to the senses; physically nauseating, repugnant to the mind; morally bad, Of a person or animal – behaving in an unpleasant or spiteful way, annoying or unwelcome, physically or mentally damaging or harmful.

Picture it – My job…today…my co-worker's office…11:30 am. I’m shooting the shit with my co-worker; let’s call her Ms. Sadie, when one of the new drivers named Red Dog (His nickname for himself, not mine) comes boppin’ in. What can I tell you about Red Dog? Well he’s tall; at least 6’3”. He’s not busted up in the face but he isn’t really my type either. I suppose the thing that bothers me most about him is all the Jesus talk he spews out of the right side of his mouth and all the sexual innuendo and double entendre he spits from the left side! This is an example from last week:

I’m in Ms. Sadie’s office, leaned over her desk, showing her how to do something on her computer. My butt is, unfortunately, turned towards the door. Red Dog walks into the office and stops short as he ogles my ass

RD: Booooy you ought to be glad I’m saved!
Ms. S: Um-hmm. Tell her she better be careful standin’ like that in this place!
Me: [Rolling my eyes] No. You ought to be glad I’M saved!

So anyway, Ms. Sadie and I are talking and he walks in. He gives me a perfunctory shoulder hug (Which I wasn’t at all upset about) then walks over to Ms. Sadie and gives her a real hug and a kiss on the cheek. That’s when I jokingly say, “Hey! I didn’t get a kiss!”

So the fool walks over to me and begins this rant about how he behaved in the past and how he’s left that old life behind and temptation this and get thee behind me Satan that and blah, blah, blah! Ms. Sadie and me are just looking at him like he’s crazy, wondering when it will all end. Finally Ms. Sadie tells him that he’s reading way too much into it and I agree with her.

All of a damn sudden…and I fuckin’ kid you not Dear Readers… He leans over and licks my cheek! YES I SAID L.I.C.K. ! Now it wasn‘t a full on Saint Bernard type lick but it was a LICK just the same and I was totally shocked and completely grossed out! Ms. Sadie just sat there and stared at him! Of course he tried to back track saying he was “Just kiddin’” but the damage had been done! Can you believe the best he could come up with is a feeble just kiddin’? Anything short of an apology recited in iambic pentameter while on bended knee quickly followed by passionate begging not to be turned in to HR is unacceptable! But all I could do was grab a paper towel from Ms. Sadie’s cabinet, wipe the remainder of his warm spittle from my possibly infected cheek and walk quietly back to my desk.

Ick as well as Eeeeeewwwwwwwwww people!

I’m nervous now Dear Readers. He’s gotten a taste of the Glamour Diva so what’s to stop him from coming back for a big, juicy bite? Ugh! Stay tuned ya’ll! – GD



Licky pic found here

1 Comment

Nasty, nasty boys, don't mean a thing
Oh you nasty boys
Nasty, nasty boys, don't ever change
Oh you nasty boys
Nasty – Janet Jackson

Nas·ty |nastē|
adjective (-tier, -tiest)
Highly unpleasant, esp. to the senses; physically nauseating, repugnant to the mind; morally bad, Of a person or animal – behaving in an unpleasant or spiteful way, annoying or unwelcome, physically or mentally damaging or harmful.

So I temp for a local grocery store chain in their transportation department and it has been quite an eye-opening experience! I started in late January and I can honestly say that except for one or two blissful days at the beginning of my assignment, my time has mostly been spent fending off the advances of dirty, old (and now some young) men.

I’d heard rumors that many truck drivers were filthy bastards but I thought it was just rumor sprinkled liberally with innuendo, like when people say some doctors have god complexes ? Well I am here to tell you Dear Readers that while I can’t say ALL truckers are scandalous sons of bitches, I can say that MANY of the ones I work with are as dirty as they come! I would say that out of 160 drivers, 150 are married or currently living with a significant other. Out of those 150, all (yes I said ALL damnit!) have had affairs in the past or are currently in the throws of long-term extramarital relationships. How do I know this you ask?

1. They gossip worse then any woman ever did!
2. They admit flat out that they have girlfriends or…
3. Arrive at non work-related social functions with their girlfriends (introducing them as such).

This is just a sampling of some of the bullshit I put up with on the daily:

The Crusty Old Goat (RF) – This joker wants me so badly. Actually he wants any black woman badly it just so happens I’m handy. He has a fetish, I think, and I’m not trying to be anyone’s fetish object! Besides, he doesn’t handle rejection well. For example, he was telling me how he wanted to do me and blah, blah, blah so I told him that doing anything with him was out of the question. He demanded to know why so I posed my answer to him in the form of a question – Why would I degrade myself by getting involved with a married man? Booooooy what the hell did I say that for? It took him two weeks to get over it ya’ll! Every time he saw me he’d mention something about how he wouldn’t want me to “degrade” myself by doing blah, blah, blah! What a fucking tool! So what’s wrong with him besides his funky attitude? Try old as pepper, horrible shape, bushy mustache, leathery skin, smells of stale smoke and sweat, bad teeth and bad hair!

The Rooster (ET) – He was the first man to speak to me and because of that I now “belong” to him. No he won’t ask me out or even talk dirty to me. What he does is actually much worse – Cock Block! When he isn’t following my every move he’s trying desperately to make sure no other man in the building will speak to me. If any man shows me the least bit of interest he pecks at that poor slob’s self-esteem until he gives up and skulks away. Only the strongest and horniest can withstand his daily onslaughts to their egos and their aren’t many of them left. But he’s so funny to watch ya’ll! When he knows I’m within earshot he starts strutting and crowing at the top of his lungs! He’ll even walk back and forth past wherever I’m sitting just to gaze at me or sometimes he’ll stop and ask me some inane question to get my attention. The truly sad part is that everyone in the building knows how he feels about me and they all laugh behind his back because he’s so pathetic! I even called him on his shit once, just to see what he would do and, guess what? He did nothing! He ignored the whole incident! You see he wants to be the one to pursue me and, having finally worn me down, claim his rightful place as the Supreme Cock of the Walk . Whatever asshole. He might be relatively hot for a 46-year-old but his childish behavior (and his wife and girlfriend) are a complete turn off!

The Old Player (LJ) – I actually kinda like this guy! Why you might ask? Because he’s straight up, no bullshit, horny as fuck and he isn’t afraid to say so! This Old G claims to be a master Cocksman and says he has references to back it all up yo! He loves to tell me stories about how he learned to perform cunnilingus at the feet (our would that be lips?) of a bisexual friend who first let him watch before coming back to join him in a threesome. He loves porn and even showed me a clip he keeps on his phone. In fact it was our mutual love of porn that led to a very interesting conversation very early on a Sunday morning. He called to ask me how I liked the two CDs he lent me. After we discussed the movies like Ebert & Roeper, he launched into a tirade about what a good fuck he is and how he knows, if given half a chance, he could totally turn me out! Below is one of the many priceless gems he threw at me during our conversation:

TOP: So can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure.
TOP: Do you have a shallow pussy or a deep pussy?
Me: Uh…I’m not familiar with that terminology.
TOP: Well ya know slim women usually have deep pussies and big women usually have shallow pussies.
Me: Well I don’t know. I’d have to ask someone I’ve had sex with.
TOP: Oh yeah? Well I know I’d be good for you.
Me: How’s that? Your penis would fit perfectly with a shallow pussy?
TOP: Yes! I’m about eight inches.
Me: Well that’s respectable! Are you thick then?
TOP: Oh yes! Got a real thick head.
Me: Oh…that’s nice.

The conversation goes on but really it’s just him trying his best to convince me that we are cut from the same freaky cloth, which means we are meant to boink our brains out! The old codger even had the nerve to suggest that the proof of my freakiness lay in the fact that I’m not offended by the thought of oral sex, occasionally go without panties and that I sleep in the nude! If that’s the case then half the women in the world, if not more, are complete and utter sluts! Anyway, I calmly thanked him for his interest but declined just the same. To my surprise he didn’t curse me out or hang up in my face. He just said that he wasn’t the kind of man who forced the issue and that if I ever changed my mind he would be there waiting. Sigh…gotta love an aging manwhore!

Stay tuned for more Nasty Boy Chronicles! Trust me Dear Readers, there are many more men and much more nastiness to come! – GD



Lovely pic of Aphrodite smacking Pan, the horny ass goat, over the head with her sandal found here

1 Comment

It started as a kind gesture from one human being to another and ended as farce. What’s that saying…no good deed goes unpunished?

Consider the following a “Cautionary Tale” Dear Readers – No matter how famous (or infamous), talented, athletic or stunningly gorgeous (And he is soooooo very pretty!) someone is, that person is first and foremost human and subject to all the foibles and shortcomings associated with being flesh and blood. I don’t really know what I expected but I suppose it wasn’t that he’d be quite so monosyllabic and paranoid! But then I guess his fears were justified since I’m publishing his emails to me huh? *cough* Moving on…

I had originally planned to reveal this correspondence over the course of a few days but I decided I didn’t want to drag it out like that. All the better to get on with all the hate mail I know I’m going to receive right? So enjoy all the juicy Scroll Down goodness to follow Dear Readers!

November 27, 2006

Mr. Ma'a Nonu
C/O Wellington Rugby Football Union
Level 1, 113 Adelaide Road
Newtown, Wellington
New Zealand

Dear Mr. Nonu,

I love rugby and I think you’re a wonderful player (The Wellington Hurricanes and Lions are my favorite teams) but I’ve noticed that you have more detractors, or as we say in the U.S. – Haters, than any other player in the whole NZRU! If fans and sports pundits alike aren’t wasting valuable trees and bandwidth complaining about what you can’t do then they are constantly talking about how hot to damn death (That’s U.S. slang for “very attractive”) you are!

I can only imagine how it must feel to receive such mixed signals all the time. Do they like me? Do they hate me? Do they like me because of my speed and power on the pitch? Or do they only like me because I’m sexy? Do they hate me because I’m an exceptional player who can only get better and because I’m sexy? Thank goodness I don’t have that problem – I know I’m an attractive and intelligent young woman so it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks! HA! But enough about me…

That press conference after the England test was just the worst thing ever! You looked so sad and dejected, I just wanted to jump through my computer screen and give you a great big Texas hug! You had your head down and you weren’t smiling which is, quite simply, just a damn shame because your megawatt smiles are the second best thing about world rugby (the first being lots and lots of well built men in shorts)! Your performance rating was way better than a four sweetheart. I give it a solid 7.5 out of 10 and that’s only because you were playing in an unfamiliar position and also because England wasn’t at full strength. Much respect to England but the All Blacks playing against them was like sending a Cocker Spaniel to fight a Rottweiler. Not really much of fight don’t you think?

Read this and know it Mr. Nonu: you did an excellent job in every game you played. You are not Tana Umaga but something just as special…Ma’a Nonu and as such you are fabulous just the way God made you! Promise me please that you will deliver no more pitiful speeches about how poorly you did and how you feel you let the team down? If the situation ever presents itself again and you need a helpful reference, take a page out of Tana Umaga, Jerry Collins and Rodney So’oialo’s book and just say that you know not everyone will be satisfied with your performance but that you did your best and as a child of God that’s all you’re required to do! This won’t completely silence your haters but it will quiet them down considerably.

And for goodness sakes stop blowing up Dan Carter’s spot! I’m sure he has many fine qualities but he is not the be all and end all of NZ Rugby! As I wrote at the beginning of this letter MY favorite team is Wellington so as far as I’m concerned all the other players and teams are only there to keep the Wellington boys occupied until it’s time to beat up on Europe, Australia and South Africa!

I will close this letter by leaving you with a bit of wisdom from those Dirty South, Hip Hop Sages, Quint Black and Scarface – “Shake Dem Haters Off” and “Do What You Do” respectively. Remember Mr. Nonu, never let’em see ya sweat and keep smiling baby!

Sincerely,
Ms. GD
mypersonalemail@yahoo.com

Date: Tue, 9 Jan 2007 11:44:48 +1300
From: "ma'a nonu"
To: “Ms. GD”
Subject: sup to

hello. . .
well,sory but this may seem random..im writing to Ms. GD..
if thats ur name...concerning a letter i recieved,
well. . thanx . . not sure wat ur backgroung is,but u must watch alot of footy..
if im wrong then im wrong,

just a kind regards 4 the letter,of ur concerns 4 th e tour last year..

sweet??. . hope al is well..take it ezy

8 dayz

[Okay Dear Readers, full disclosure here…I screamed like I’d been stabbed in the chest after I read this email! And I was still screaming when I called GM to tell her (through intermittent screams and panting) that he’d emailed me!]

Date: Tue, 9 Jan 2007 17:23:37 -0800 (PST)
From: "Ms. GD"
Subject: Re: sup to
To: "ma'a nonu"

Dear Mr. Nonu,

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised by your email. Actually, surprised isn’t the best word choice – Astounded, Gobsmacked and Floored, I think, more accurately describe my reaction when I opened my email last night!

I never expected a response! With all the mail I’m sure you receive from fans all over the world, I just figured my letter would have been lost in the shuffle. But I am so happy you did, in fact, receive it and that you were kind enough to write back.

I have tons of questions for you but I won’t impose upon your kindness more than I already have. I’ll just close by writing that I wish you all the luck in the world – not that you or the rest of the Wellington Mafia need it – for the upcoming rugby season. I know 2007 is Wellington’s year to bring home the Super 14 and Air New Zealand Cup trophies. And I further know that the All Blacks, of which you will be a starting player, will continue to reign supreme through the June tours, Tri Nations, and on into the World Cup! Until then always remember:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phillippians 4:13)

Sincerely,
Glamour Diva

P.S. What does “8 dayz” mean? And tell me, were you smiling your gorgeous smile when you read my original letter? Please say yes!

Date: Fri, 12 Jan 2007 13:02:15 +1300
From: "ma'a nonu"
To: “Ms. GD”
Subject: sup to

sup..

i dnt realy smile dat often,mayb only at funny stuff
8 dayz is just good 4 the health...

im curious,u send out all leteers to the all blacks...an how long u been watching footy,cos houston is far away,not many know about rugby ova dea...kinda feels like a hoaks..????

ur age 4 1 thing.... u dnt hav too...just too far away too watch...

8 dayz

ps..i did smile tho

[The Nonu smiled when he read my letter y’all! Eeeeeeepppppp! But what would make him think I was hoaxing him?]

Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2007 19:24:36 -0800 (PST)
From: "Ms. GD"
Subject: Re: sup to
To: "ma'a nonu"

Dear Mr. Nonu,

Once again you have managed to leave me utterly flabbergasted! Okay…so I guess I should answer your questions and address your concerns.

No I don’t send letters to all the All Blacks and no, this isn’t a hoax. This may sound very clichéd but your letter was the, umm…first of it’s kind! Like I wrote in the original letter it really did bother me to hear you speak so negatively about your performance and for reasons I still can’t fully understand or explain I felt compelled to write to you and let you know that you did an excellent job! See, very simple right?

I’ve been a rugby fan for a few years now. It is very difficult to get games here so most of my knowledge about the game and the players has come from written accounts of games in the news and video clips on TV and the Internet. But it wasn’t until a few months ago that my friend and I discovered we could download full games from the Internet. We’ve been rabid fans ever since!

Houston may be far away but there are a few of us who know a little about the game. Texas has it’s own rugby union (http://www.texasrugbyunion.com) ya know! Also, there are many Europeans, Australians and even a few New Zealanders working and living here in Houston so there is a small demand for access to matches.

Now, when you write, “ur age 4 1 thing.... u dnt hav too” is that your way of asking me how old I am? Well I don’t usually answer questions about my age but I suppose I can tell you because you seem like a nice enough kid. I’m ____. Now it’s your turn to answer a few questions: 1. What does your name mean, that is to say, what’s the English translation, 2. What do you do when you aren’t playing or practicing rugby and 3. Are you really, seriously considering switching to League? Owing to the sensitive nature of that last question, I won’t grumble if you can’t answer it but please know that if you do tell me I promise I won’t tell anyone! Promise, Promise! Besides, no one would believe me anyway…

And I don’t believe you only smile when something’s funny; I’ve seen far too many photos and videos of you smiling like there was no tomorrow! But I’m not hatin’ on you sweetheart, I love every square inch of that stellar smile!

Sincerely,
Glamour Diva

P.S. You know Mr. Nonu (If that is in fact your real name), I’m beginning to think you are the hoax!

Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2007 12:14:37 +1300
From: "ma'a nonu"
To: “Ms. GD”
Subject: sup to

well...

im surprised,how do u know im the real thing.????

Nonu

[I know you can’t really read tone in email but doesn’t it seem like he’s insulted that I might not think he is in fact The Nonu?]

Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2007 18:16:47 -0800 (PST)
From: "Ms. GD"
Subject: Re: sup to
To: "ma'a nonu"

Dear Mr. Nonu,

Sup Hamo! I had a wonderful weekend Mr. Nonu, truly fabulous! Thank you so much for asking! *wink* How was your weekend? Did you do anything special other than, as Ice Cube said, be up in the club? Precisely how many spots did you hit and how many girls did you pull (Not many, if any? Sorry couldn’t resist! )? I have another question for you (seeing as how you didn’t like any from my previous email) – Have you met Chong Nee, Scribe or Savage and if so, what are they really like? Later Uso!

Sincerely,
Glamour Diva

P. S. When you see Neemia Tialata next Monday, please let him know my friend galaxyMafia says hello! And I don’t know if you’re “the real thing”. That’s why it’s called faith sweetheart…

Date: Fri, 26 Jan 2007 22:58:24 +1100
From: "ma'a nonu"
To: “Ms. GD”
Subject: sup to

wasup girl

send me foto. . . cos the boys wana get to know you...neemia says hi. . .

sweet as...

fa

MA'A

[Okay this really creeped me the freak out! So he told all his friends about his correspondence with me? And now they all want to see what I look like? Why? Am I a drunken teenaged girl being passed around at a frat party? Eeeww as well as Ick!]

Date: Sat, 27 Jan 2007 08:48:16 -0800 (PST)
From: "Ms. GD"
Subject: Re: sup to
To: "ma'a nonu"

Dear Mr. Nonu,

Sup gorgeous! What it do baby? Once again you’ve dropped another of your email bombs while still leaving all my questions unanswered. Well played Mr. Nonu, well played. But you will find me a formidable opponent! I refuse to give in to your calculated efforts to not release any information about yourself! Therefore I have still more questions for you to callously ignore – Who are these boys who “wana get to know [me]”? And what does “sweet as…fa” signify? Sweet as...the number four? Also, please let Neemia know that GM returns his hello and that she hopes his calf muscle is doing well. Keep smilin’ Hamo ‘cause you know I loves it baby!

Sincerely,
Glamour Diva

P. S. I’ll send you a "foto" but I have to find a really good one and scan it first. While I do that, would you be so kind as to send me and GM a recent photograph of you and Neemia...together? Pretty please with a cherry on top? We’d like to see big smiles from the both of you okay? Thanks sweetheart!

Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 22:58:07 +1300
From: "ma'a nonu"
To: “Ms. GD”
Subject: sup to

DIS IS A HOAKS??

send a pix,an il believe you...

kind regards....

sweet ??

NONU

[Once again, I know you can’t really read tone in email but doesn’t it seem like he’s demanding I comply?]

Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 19:06:08 -0800 (PST)
From: "Ms. GD"
Subject: Re: sup to
To: "ma'a nonu"

Dear Mr. Nonu,

You really pissed me off this time! In fact, you pissed me off so much that after I read your email I called GM at 6 a.m., waking her from a sound sleep, to tell her exactly how pissed I was. And after I read your email to her she became just as pissed. But alas, by the time we concluded with, I know he didn’t! and Just who the hell does he think he is? It was time for me to get dressed and leave for work.

While at work I tried to pray on the situation but it kept coming out wrong, something like: Lord, please keep me from going straight ghetto on his ass and cursing that nizzle clean the f*ck out! I tried writing a really nasty, long letter but that didn’t help either. So I just decided to concentrate on work and think about my response later. On the way home one of my favorite Chong-Nee songs came up on my iPod and I started to think about Super 14 starting this weekend and all the things I’ve learned and begun to love about New Zealand and it hit me that being so angry with some spoilt, petulant kid I don’t even know is a waste of precious time and energy! Why should I let you ruin all things rugby, New Zealand and even Samoan, for me?

So once again my writing to you was not a “hoax”. I don’t even know what you mean by that! Do you think I’m trying to get money from you? Do you think I’m angling for free airfare, accommodations and tickets to the World Cup? Do you think I’m a man masquerading as a woman? Or do you think I’m just being evil and messing with your head? Your definition of “hoax” eludes me sweetheart and I’m exhausted with trying to figure it out! Either way this is my third time writing this but once again, I really did feel badly for you after the England Test and I just wanted you to know that there was at least one person in the world who didn’t think your performance was crap!

To sum up Mr. Nonu, I don’t want your money or any free rugby stuff you might be able to procure for me. I don’t want to date you or marry you. I don’t want to use your celebrity to raise my profile because, let’s face it, it wouldn’t work here because there are only a handful of people in America who would even know what a Ma’a Nonu is and those who have heard of you wouldn’t believe I’d been emailing you. They’d think I’d been hoaxed!

If our attached pictures still aren’t enough to convince you that we are who we say we are and that we are genetically, and in our general appearance, female then you are more than welcome to call us and hear our very female and nonmoney-grubbing voices:

Ms. GD – 00 1 713 555 5555
GM – 00 1 281 555 5555
(Please be mindful of the time difference, as NZ is 19 hours ahead of Texas)

Call us weird, call us crazy, call us ugly…we’ve ceased to care. Peace on THAT Uso and keep smilin' baby!

Sincerely,
Glamour Diva

Date: Thu, 1 Feb 2007 16:14:22 +1300
From: "ma'a nonu"
To: “Ms. GD”
Subject: sup to

hey there..

neemia loves the foto's...and my mate nili is prety keen to meet u guys too....

hope all is well...

regards..

nonu..

ps...dats all 4 now...

[WHAT? I just called you on the carpet boy! Don’t you have anything to say about that? Well at least Neemia and Nili think me and GM look good…]

Date: Thu, 1 Feb 2007 16:57:48 -0800 (PST)
From: "Ms. GD"
Subject: Re: sup to
To: "ma'a nonu"

Dear Mr. Nonu,

DIS IS A HOAX??

Send a picture of you and Neemia together (And now, I guess, Nili too) like I asked for in my previous email and I’ll believe you...

Fa shizzle my nizzle?

Peace Uso!

Ms. GD

P.S. GM asked would you please tell Neemia that if he “loves” the pictures so much he should give her a call. And yes all is very well here, thanks! Also please tell Nili that GM and I said “Hi” and good luck to you, Neemia and the rest of the Wellington Clique on Saturday!

Date: Sat, 17 Feb 2007 04:48:37 -0800 (PST)
From: "Ms. GD"
Subject: Re: sup to
To: "ma'a nonu"

Dear Mr. Nonu,

It’s been three weeks since I sent my last email requesting a photo of you and Neemia and I’m curious as to why you haven’t responded. Are you a collector Mr. Nonu? Do you collect photos of women like some people collect postage stamps, autographs or butterflies? Or maybe you’re so busy with Super 14 that you just haven’t gotten around to taking a picture of yourself or digging through the hundreds you already have showcased on Bebo?

I think demanding something like a spoilt child, receiving it, and then denying the giver’s request for the same is damn shady indeed! While I have great respect for you as a rugby player I am very disappointed in you as a person. But I suppose the jokes on me isn’t it? I didn’t want to believe it but I guess the rumors of you being incredibly self-absorbed and arrogant are true!

Good luck with the rest of the Super 14. The Reds made Wellington look like goats but you all redeemed yourselves in the games against the Chiefs and the Blues…but only just. We’ll see if the Brumbies will be your undoing. I hope you and your “boys” continue to enjoy yourselves at J&M Takeaways, Gizzy and all the rest of your hangouts and as always, Peace On That baby and keep smiling Hamo ‘cause you know I loves it!

Talk, well I heard talk is cheap
But like beauty, talk is just skin deep
And when you lie and you talk a lot
People tell you to step off a lot
Stetsasonic - “Talkin' All That Jazz”

Sincerely and The End,
Glamour Diva

As of this post The Nonu has not responded and I don’t think he will…at least not with a pic of he and Neemia (And Nili The Scrub)! I’m sure I’m in for the cussin’ of a lifetime! Or maybe he’ll laugh? Or maybe he’ll be completely ambivalent about the whole thing? Or maybe…just maybe…it wasn’t…really…Nonu…at all?!?!? GM and I rolled that one around our pea brains for several days Dear Readers. Maybe I wasn’t really emailing Nonu but some other verbally challenged Hamo instead? But then even we didn’t think The Nonu & Co. were THAT childish! No, something tells me it was really him, or at least him being egged on by his “boys”. Sigh. The world may never know…

And even with all this I still think he’s the most beautiful thing in rugby shorts! Sigh. That smile (With head cock) freakin’ KILLS me! Double sigh… – GD

While looking for fodder for the blog, since she and Glamour Diva have decided to tone down all the rugby posts, galaxyMafia came across this gem from her electronic diary. Back in March of 2004, she was quasi-dating a Finnish dude with an ex-fishwish and two uppity Mexican daughters. Said Finnish man was an architect, and one weekend, he got a wild hair and wanted to go visit some building in Dallas which was designed by some famous architect whose name she forgets (actually, she probably never knew it to begin with). So, they set off on I-45 heading north, and ended up in Big D, where they checked into a room at the famed Adolphus hotel, which was founded by the Busch family, as in the people who make that cheap, lame ass Budweiser dumb frat boys chug during Happy Hour. Anyhoo. . .here’s a snippet of the trip.




3-6-04
This hotel does not exactly suck. I can’t be that harsh. But it lies. I was promised an ottoman. I was looking forward to the ottoman – alas, no ottoman. This why I do not travel to Dallas. No Yellow pages either. “What kind of hotel are they running here?” Tapio wonders. A hotel that promises ottomans but does not deliver them. Obviously.

3-7-04
God. This is how I know He loves me. I have learned a lesson. Don’t lie about saying you will have your own room when you know you won’t. Spent last night in the lion’s den. Said lion being one Hannu Tapio Pilaskari (or however the fudge you spell it). Lion roared all night. Used to think the expression “sawing logs” to describe snoring was just some writer’s attempt to be clever. Now know that I was wrong. The man sawed some logs last night. Sawed a forest. Somewhere in the Yellowstone National Park, trees are strewn about the ground as far as the eye can see, viciously cut down in their prime! I tried to sleep by the door. Did not work. The cacophonous snoring permeated every stinking square inch of the hotel. And that is a lot of unrestrained permeation when the room ain’t really 550 sq.ft. like the damn internet ad promised. Anyhoo, I think I got maybe three hours of sleep. Or maybe I only wished I had. Maybe I was dreaming. I got up and got a 7-Up from the bar. Drank it and burped. Seemed fitting at the time. Tried to sleep again. Somewhere, sometime in the ether of the night, the lion arose from his slumber to ask me why I had been up all night. Was lion serious? Lion then tried to gather me in his arms. Soon, he was promptly snoring in my ears. I managed to get away. Went to sleep by the door this time and was somewhat more successful this time. Until sounds of the guy in the next room hacking woke me up. Got up and used the bathroom. Washed up and brushed teeth. Considered leave a mountainous load of shit in the toilet for lion as a good morning surprise. But, that is unladylike. And I didn’t have to shit. Oh yeah, bathroom has a scale. Got on it and it said like 138. I have lost weight. Even after all the junk food I have been eating. Even after eating a bunch of bread, spinach and artichoke dip and steak at Texas Land and Cattle. Where, by the way, the little Asian-bitch hostess (sorry) put us in the very back of the restaurant where we were pretty much isolated from the other patrons. I have a theory. We are a zebra couple and Dallas does not quite cotton to zebra couples even as they are aware of them. So, we were placed in Siberia so as not to offend the other customers. Man. That’s another reason I don’t come to Dallas. Other than the fact that Dallas is Dallas, which should be reason enough on its own.

Copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia. . .did NOT have sex in the hotel room with the Finnish dude, just in case you were wondering. . .which, probably you weren’t

I’ve had some interesting conversations on good old Yahoo! Messenger. Not all of them have been insane but the vast majority of them have been and here are two examples of the mass ignorance of Men who use Messenger for hookups. [Remember, all Yahoo! ID’s have been changed to protect Ms. GD’s privacy]

Computer Lust:

Idiot 1 – 12:26 PM
hi there

Me – 2:02 PM
hi. who are you?

Idiot 1 – 2:02 PM
great and you

Me – 2:03 PM
i'm good thanks but i asked "Who" are you.

Idiot 1 – 2:03 PM
sorry, I'm _______________ and I live in League City

Idiot 1 – 2:03 PM
I work in the Medical Center

Me – 2:05 PM
hiya _______________. are you a doc? nurse? other?

Idiot 1 – 2:05 PM
other

Idiot 1 – 2:05 PM
IT Manager

Me – 2:06 PM
ah! a computer geek? lol

Idiot 1 – 2:06 PM
lol

Idiot 1 – 2:06 PM
what do you do?

Me – 2:06 PM
student/clerical

Idiot 1 – 2:06 PM
ok

Idiot 1 – 2:07 PM
are you open to meeting and getting to know each other?

Me – 2:08 PM
depends. are you a serial killer?

Idiot 1 – 2:08 PM
lol, no

Idiot 1 – 2:08 PM
but serial horny

Idiot 1 – 2:08 PM
don't bring your cat

Me – 2:09 PM
oh brother...

Idiot 1 – 2:09 PM
lol, you said it.

Me – 2:13 PM
well i'm not looking for sex but thanks for your interest!

Idiot 1 – 2:13 PM
sorry to bug you

Me – 2:14 PM
you aren’t buggin me. just not looking for random sex.

Idiot 1 – 2:14 PM
lol, cool

Me – 2:18 PM
yes...i am

Me – 2:22 PM
you're handsome! are you dating all those women on your profile?

Idiot 1 – 2:23 PM
no

Idiot 1 – 2:23 PM
none of them. lol

Me – 2:24 PM
aawwww man! and here i was thinking you were a stud!

Idiot 1 – 2:24 PM
lol, not at all

Me – 2:25 PM
maybe that’s why you're so damn horny? lol

Me – 2:29 PM
well Mr. Idiot I wish you luck with your search for some good lovin'. I'm off to take a wee nap. bye-bye!

Idiot 1 – 2:32 PM
sorry, I had to step away

Idiot 1 – 2:32 PM
bye bye

Trolling For Sex On A Cold Sunday Morning:

Idiot 2 – 11:32 AM
hi there...what part of houston you in??

Me – 11:33 AM
___________ area

Idiot 2 – 11:33 AM
okay...i'm on west side..

Me – 11:33 AM
ok

Idiot 2 – 11:34 AM
well..I don't want to get zapped by your bad cat now also..

Me – 11:35 AM
and why would you? unless you're a horny SOB just out lookin for sex?

Idiot 2 – 11:35 AM
LOL.....ahhhh.....well...some of that is true I suppose too...

Me – 11:36 AM
just some? lol try ALL!

Idiot 2 – 11:36 AM
LOL...well...not a SOB for sure....

Me – 11:38 AM
ok so you admit to being horny and only interested in sex? particularly anonymous sex with easy women you find on yahoo?

Idiot 2 – 11:39 AM
not necessary in all of that...but yes...seeking a lady friend for some adult fun times also.....not seeking every and all women too..

Me – 11:39 AM
you're very naughty...LOL and horny

Idiot 2 – 11:40 AM
LOL...well....you might be right too...

Me – 11:41 AM
uh huh...well good luck with all that. there are plenty of women out there who fit the description of what you're looking for.

Idiot 2 – 11:41 AM
ohh there are huh....they must be hiding too...LOL..

Me – 11:42 AM
nope. just waiting for you to ask i'm sure! LOL there are lots of women with low self-esteem just waiting to be rolled in the hay! LMAO

Me – 11:43 AM
i should stop teasing you...LOL

Idiot 2 – 11:43 AM
LOL...wow...you make it sound like such a joyous occasion too...by the way...I'd like more than a 1 time roll in the hay too...

Idiot 2 – 11:44 AM
teasing never hurt anyone...but pleasing is much more enjoyable too..

Me – 11:44 AM
oh for heavens sake!

Idiot 2 – 11:45 AM
what???

Me – 11:46 AM
That last line was kinds cute and lame...in an old school sort of way. well this fat girl is keeping for panties on so once again i wish you luck sweetheart!

Idiot 2 – 11:47 AM
LOL...well...we can always slide the panties to the side as we roll in the hay too...LOL...well...I'm kinda old school since I'm 47...LOL

Me – 11:47 AM
LOL no.

Idiot 2 – 11:47 AM
thanks for your time and wisdom then dear...

Me – 11:48 AM
bye! have a great day love!

Idiot 2 – 11:48 AM
you too.....wish my key unlocked your secret box too...

Me – 11:49 AM
well as the saying goes...if wishes were horses...

Idiot 2 – 11:50 AM
LOL.....guess so....never heard that one though...
I could make noises like a horse if that would help you too...LOL

Me – 11:53 AM
LMAO! That's tempting but no. Would I have to get naked or get naked and fuck you? On second thought never mind. I'll just go back to bed and masturbate and think about the possibilities. safer that way ya know. Bye! Later! Have a great day!

Idiot 2 – 11:54 AM
LOL...well....we both could be naked and masterbate in front of each other then too...LOL....but I'm not hung like a horse now either...hope that doesn't blow away your thoughts now...LOL

Me – 11:55 AM
no but you've given me tons of pre-masturbatory fantasy fodder so I thank you! Once again, BYE!

Idiot 2 – 11:56 AM
LOL...leave you smiling without any sex...what a guy I am...LOL..

Idiot 2 – 11:56 AM
there are those things called condoms too...

Idiot 2 – 12:00 PM
you should tell me more about your lovely self and hot masterbating body too...

Wasn’t that special? Gotta love a horny ass man right? It would help if he were hot, sexy and smart but as my Grandmother Diva used to say, that would be too much like right! – GD

Cute pic found here

0 Comment

I’ve had some interesting conversations on good old Yahoo! Messenger. Not all of them have been with bloomin’ damn idiots . Some of them have been pretty sweet actually. I’d like to share two of these conversations with you in tonight's entry. Remember, all Yahoo! ID’s have been changed to protect the sane.

FerrumSimian:
Glamour Diva 8:21 PM Hello FerrumSimian! This is Ms. GD from Sex and the Sushi blog. Thanks for stopping by the blog and leaving those delicious comments! I love your poetry too; I especially like the ode to Sade. I’ll be checking your site often as I hope you’ll be doing the same for us. Tell all your friends! BTW, you’re pretty cute too…
FerrumSimian 8:22 PM hi
FerrumSimian 8:23 PM us?
FerrumSimian 8:23 PM how many are you?
FerrumSimian 8:23 PM your welcome about the comments
Glamour Diva 8:24 PM lol yes we are all in Texas and there of 3 of us but only galaxyMafia and I write.
FerrumSimian 8:24 PM i see cool
FerrumSimian 8:25 PM love your blog
FerrumSimian 8:25 PM very entertaining
Glamour Diva 8:26 PM thanks! we aim to please. well actually we don't. lol we just like to bitch
FerrumSimian 8:28 PM
Glamour Diva 8:30 PM you like that huh? women who write to get their frustrations out turn you on? naughty boy!
Glamour Diva 8:31 PM we read too! we're very literate chicks. does that do anything for you?
FerrumSimian 8:32 PM lol
FerrumSimian 8:32 PM how old are ya'll
Glamour Diva 8:33 PM LOL we dont tell our ages but let's just say we remember when Atari was the height of video game technology.
FerrumSimian 8:34 PM oh, so you're close to my age
Glamour Diva 8:36 PM true. so if i told you that in addition to reading and writing that we also dig PBS and NPR, would you fall madly in love with us? lol
FerrumSimian 8:37 PM PBS? public broadcasting service
FerrumSimian 8:37 PM npr?
Glamour Diva 8:38 PM yes public broadcasting and npr is national public radio
FerrumSimian 8:39 PM oh ok
FerrumSimian 8:39 PM lol
FerrumSimian 8:39 PM i'm not much of a tv buff?
Glamour Diva 8:40 PM but you do own one right? please tell me you arent one of those people who don’t own a tv? LOL you have a radio?
FerrumSimian 8:41 PM yep i own a tv and i have cable!! radio yep but i prefer my ipod
Glamour Diva 8:43 PM well you're doing better than me. i don’t have cable and i dont want it. i don’t own an ipod but i do have a mac
FerrumSimian 8:46 PM i don't watch alot or regular tv so
i gotta have cable. i watch alot of court tv, discovery channel and hbo shows like sopranos, the wire, ect.,....
Glamour Diva 8:48 PM i saw 1 sopranos episode and i didn’t like it. never seen the wire
FerrumSimian 8:49 PM well i'm about to hit the sack, texan
FerrumSimian 8:49 PM nice chattin' with you
FerrumSimian 8:49 PM i'll definitely be checking out your blog
FerrumSimian 8:49 PM just for the record..
FerrumSimian 8:49 PM ...sushi is dayum good!
FerrumSimian 8:49 PM i'd eat it everyday if it wasn't so
expensive
Glamour Diva 8:50 PM LOL thanks again, good night and point taken on the sushi!
FerrumSimian 8:50 PM
FerrumSimian 8:50 PM sleep well
Glamour Diva 8:50 PM u2
FerrumSimian 8:50 PM all of you..lol
FerrumSimian 8:51 PM oh wait send me the link to your blog
FerrumSimian 8:51 PM i thought i had it in favs and I don't
Glamour Diva 8:52 PM sexandthesushi.blogspot.com
Glamour Diva 8:52 PM now to bed with you!
FerrumSimian 8:53 PM yessum, ms gd (golden diva?)
Glamour Diva 8:53 PM glamour diva...ms. gd if ya nasty
FerrumSimian 8:53 PM lol...ok ms gd it is
FerrumSimian 8:53 PM g'nite
Glamour Diva 8:54 PM night!

PuppyLuv (my Canadian friend):
Glamour Diva 2:56 PM
hey! i heard you were bringing sexy back. what's all that about? LOL
PuppyLuv 2:56 PM lol huh
Glamour Diva 2:57 PM its a justin timberlake song. in it he sings that he's bringing "sexy" back
PuppyLuv 2:57 PM oh
Glamour Diva 2:57 PM how are you babe? hows life? where ya been hindin yo sweet self?
PuppyLuv 2:57 PM just here
Glamour Diva 2:58 PM chillin like a villain?
PuppyLuv 2:59 PM jellin like a fellin
Glamour Divab3:00 PM LOL okay baby! i like that!
PuppyLuv 3:00 PM
Glamour Diva 3:00 PM how’s the fam? the parental units and the baby sises doing ok?
PuppyLuv 3:01 PM meh they are around
Glamour Diva 3:02 PM you not speaking to them?
PuppyLuv 3:03 PM of course i am
Glamour Diva ☺
Glamour Diva 3:03 PM ok just checking. so how’s your cock?
PuppyLuv 3:03 PM he’s fine haven’t hung out with him much lately
Glamour Diva 3:04 PM lol damn. have u 2 parted on bad terms?
PuppyLuv 3:04 PM no just haven’t been spending a lot of time with him
Glamour Diva 3:04 PM may i ask why?
PuppyLuv 3:04 PM meh no idea
PuppyLuv 3:04 PM just haven’t been horny
Glamour Diva 3:05 PM damn. you aren’t sick are you? LOL i may have to come up there and "take care" of u...
PuppyLuv 3:05 PM i would love you to
PuppyLuv 3:05 PM not really sick no
Glamour Diva 3:06 PM i'd like to as well but... i missed chatting with you
PuppyLuv 3:13 PM i have to
PuppyLuv 3:13 PM its been to long
Glamour Diva 3:13 PM you have anyone you can call?
PuppyLuv 3:13 PM call about what
Glamour Diva 3:15 PM getting you laid
PuppyLuv 3:15 PM lol i'm just not horny
PuppyLuv 3:15 PM i got laid a week and a half ago
Glamour Diva 3:17 PM REALLY! well you didn’t tell me that! why you holdin out? i like to hear about you fucking 'cause you know...i don’t. lol was it good! what was she like? did she scream?
PuppyLuv 3:17 PM no i didn’t cum she did three times
PuppyLuv 3:17 PM it was really bad actually
PuppyLuv 3:17 PM like making love to a really loud pillow
Glamour Diva 3:18 PM LMAO!
Glamour Diva 3:18 PM damn. you poor thing
Glamour Diva 3:19 PM why do you think you didn’t come? thinking about me? lol
PuppyLuv 3:19 PM she was just really bad
Glamour Diva 3:20 PM wow. where do you find these women? so how was she bad? i dint think men every though women were bad in bed. what did she do or i guess didn’t do?
PuppyLuv 3:21 PM oh women can be very bad in bed
PuppyLuv 3:21 PM she wouldn’t shut up she kept screaming and moaning and i didnt get why
PuppyLuv 3:21 PM i was hardly touching her
PuppyLuv 3:21 PM and she kept pinching my nipples for no reason
PuppyLuv 3:21 PM and just laid there
Glamour Diva 3:22 PM damn! i know its not funny 'cause you had such a bad time but it is kinda funny babe
PuppyLuv 3:23 PM it’s ok
Glamour Diva 3:23 PM
maybe she was pinching your nipples 'cause she thought you liked it?
PuppyLuv 3:23 PM maybe
Glamour Diva 3:23 PM did you try putting her on top?
PuppyLuv 3:23 PM oh my god and she was just horrible at bj’s i just stopped her half way through i had had enough
PuppyLuv 3:23 PM tried to but she didn’t
Glamour Diva 3:24 PM so what was she doing with bj? using her teeth?
PuppyLuv 3:24 PM no just like nothing
PuppyLuv 3:24 PM like her lips were loose and just moving her head up and down
PuppyLuv 3:24 PM doing nothing i didn’t ever feel a thing
Glamour Diva 3:26 PM i feel so sorry for you. you have bad luck with women
PuppyLuv 3:26 PM yeah i do
PuppyLuv 3:26 PM after about an hour i just stopped and started watching myth busters lol
Glamour Diva 3:27 PM it’s really hard to tell with women tho. She may really have enjoyed it or she may have been faking it.
PuppyLuv 3:27 PM well i was "down" there for two Os and it wasn’t faking then
Glamour Diva 3:28 PM lol
PuppyLuv 3:28 PM don’t know about the last one
PuppyLuv 3:28 PM i don’t see why she would
PuppyLuv 3:28 PM because i was clearly not enjoying it
Glamour Diva 3:28 PM LOL
Glamour Diva 3:32 PM so what’s next? gonna call her again and try to work it out?
PuppyLuv 3:32 PM fuck no
Glamour Diva 3:33 PM LMAO! ok babe
Glamour Diva 3:35 PM try, try again...
PuppyLuv 3:37 PM i will
Glamour Diva 3:38 PM that’s good to hear! well my sweetheart i am gonna take a nap. you have a great day ok?
PuppyLuv 3:40 PM ok you to hunny
Glamour Diva 3:41 PM :*
PuppyLuv 3:41 PM kisses

Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, where ever you are! – GD


Cute comic found here

1 Comment

I started this entry earlier this morning as I was watching Bob Ross (R.I.P.) on The Best of The Joy Of Painting but as I listened to his calming voice the piss and vinegar soon left my body and all I wanted to do was sleep. Well now I’m awake, refreshed and ready to bitch about the farkakte men in my life! So if it please the court, I give you Exhibit C in the trial of Humanity vs Idiot Men Folk (Click for Exhibits A and B ). Like to hear it, here it go…

August 30, 2006
Philipp The Idiot:
so i guess the magic is gone today
Glamour Diva:
why do you say that?
Philipp The Idiot:
because it is
Glamour Diva:
you dont want to talk to me anymore?
Philipp The Idiot:
seek immediate medical help if you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours
Glamour Diva:
you have an erection?
Philipp The Idiot:
no
Philipp The Idiot:
you?
Glamour Diva:
no
Philipp The Idiot:
then i guess we're good for now
Philipp The Idiot:
let me ask you something else
Glamour Diva:
lol you are angry because i said no sex. i lost a potential date because of that
Glamour Diva:
ask
Philipp The Idiot:
you lost a potential date? which one?
Philipp The Idiot:
i hope it was not july 22
Glamour Diva:
Why?
Philipp The Idiot:
no particular reason
Glamour Diva:
ok that was random and strange...
Philipp The Idiot:
Yes. such is life
Philipp The Idiot:
i know another joke you won't like
Philipp The Idiot:
but first let me ask you that question
Glamour Diva:
anyway, it was very sad because we had good chemistry and shared interests but when i wouldnt have sex with him right away he dumped me
Philipp The Idiot:
you won't have sex with me
Philipp The Idiot:
but what about letting me touch your boobies?
Philipp The Idiot:
well, some of the most loving people have just had enough of all the negativity
Philipp The Idiot:
it doesn't mean they don't love you anymore
Philipp The Idiot:
they just choose not to hang out with people who project negativity
Philipp The Idiot:
i obviously don't know if that was the case with your date
Philipp The Idiot:
but it's a possibility
Glamour Diva:
why cant you take the time to get to know me first? you see this what i'm talking about. this is why i stopped dating because all the men want sex right away! no one wants to spend time learning about the other person! and it is NOT negative! why is not having sex on the first date negative???? I DONT UNDERSTAND THAT MODE OF THINKING?????
Philipp The Idiot:
very simple
Philipp The Idiot:
having sex won't hurt you
Philipp The Idiot:
it will bring pleasure to the man
Philipp The Idiot:
by denying it to him, you are taking away his pleasure for no obvious benefit
Glamour Diva:
so i should have sex with any man that wants to have sex with me because it will bring him pleasure?
Glamour Diva:
are you fucking serious?
Philipp The Idiot:
well, that's the theory of love
Glamour Diva:
and i should ignore my feelings?
Philipp The Idiot:
i'm never really serious anymore
Philipp The Idiot:
it depends on what you call feelings
Glamour Diva:
so if i want a lasting relationship, if i want a husband and kids i should just ignore all that and let men use me for their pleasure?
Philipp The Idiot:
nobody can tell you what you should do
Glamour Diva:
you are!
Philipp The Idiot:
really
Glamour Diva:
you are telling me that the reason i cant get a date/cant keep a man is because i am too negative about sex!
Philipp The Idiot:
i'm just explaining to you how paradise people see it
Glamour Diva:
right...
Philipp The Idiot:
i never said you can't get a date
Glamour Diva:
ok i have to go now
Philipp The Idiot:
wow
Philipp The Idiot:
you have obligations quite late in the day
Glamour Diva:
no i just dont want to talk to you anymore. you've upset me.. have a great evening philipp!
Philipp The Idiot:
that reminds me of plato
Philipp The Idiot:
the allegory of the cave
Philipp The Idiot:
i'll get started with my work then

What, Dear Readers, in the hell was this fool flapping his gums about? If you can decipher his shit then please let me know! After that conversation I was so upset that I buzzed my friend Mauricio because I needed an older, mentally stable opinion on what had just happened. And for the record, Mauricio is not Meshugga. He can be a bit of a schnook with the ladies (and international politics) but never Meshugga! Okaaaaaay? He had this to say:

Later that same evening…
Glamour Diva:
OH MY GOD!
Mauricio:
what?
Glamour Diva:
I JUST HAD THE WORST CONVERSATION!
Glamour Diva:
oh god!
Mauricio:
what was it about?
Glamour Diva:
i silly man telling me the reason men are turned off by me is because i wont have sex with them right away and not having sex is, even if it goes against my better judgment is negative!
Mauricio:
fuck him
Mauricio:
I am getting a lot of attention by girls in ________ and ________ I dont know why
Glamour Diva:
yes...by all means lets talk ______________ instead of my stupid problems...
Mauricio:
I am chatting with a 26 year old one
Mauricio:
I respect your way of looking at things
Glamour Diva:
well thanks.
Mauricio:
I am surprised at this streak of youngish women declaring her interest
Mauricio:
maybe they think I am rich
Glamour Diva:
i suppose. okay i have to go
Mauricio:
bye
Glamour Diva:
i need your help and you arent helping! i need you!
Mauricio:
ask specifically
Mauricio:
I will try to help
Mauricio:
shoot
Glamour Diva:
whats wrong with me?
Mauricio:
nothing
Mauricio:
u are principled
Glamour Diva:
then why am i not in a relationship?
Mauricio:
cause almost nobody is principled
Glamour Diva:
great.
Mauricio:
I advise a little relaxation from u
Mauricio:
just a tiny bit
Glamour Diva:
thats not fair. you get to _______ AND _______ and i'm still single? that is so wrong!
Glamour Diva:
and i am relaxed!
Glamour Diva:
just because i'm upset right now doesn’t mean i'm not relaxed with a man!
Glamour Diva:
JEEEEZ!
Mauricio:
I meant relax your principles
Mauricio:
not your behavior
Glamour Diva:
so i should fuck married men, fuck on the first date, drink, smoke, have a good time and not worry about things?
Mauricio:
_________________________________
Glamour Diva:
i know you arent but still its not fair
Mauricio:
I didnt say that
Mauricio:
you have to generate options
Mauricio:
where should u go to find individuals whose thoughts and wants are similar or at least complementary of yours
Glamour Diva:
good question
Mauricio:
u must answer that question
Mauricio:
among others
Glamour Diva:
well i have tried. nothing works.
Mauricio:
thats not so
Glamour Diva:
no?
Mauricio:
u havent given a good thought to these issues
Glamour Diva:
i havent?
Mauricio:
u havent
Mauricio:
u got more than enough gray matter to generate the option I mentioned
Mauricio:
ask yourself why u havent tried hard enough'
Glamour Diva:
well i must say, i like your approach. its not the usual passive aggressive, "you'll find the right guy one day" bullshit
Mauricio:
u wont find anything if u dont fight for it
Mauricio:
tu nina
Glamour Diva:
i'm a girl?
Mauricio:
si
Mauricio:
nina
Mauricio:
grande de tamano
Mauricio:
nina en muchas cosas
Glamour Diva:
what is tamano? i'm a girl in many things?
Mauricio:
size
Mauricio:
a big sized little girl
Glamour Diva:
a little girl in a woman's body?
Mauricio:
yes a big body
Mauricio:
thats what u r
Mauricio:
and brainy too
Glamour Diva:
a smart little girl in a big woman's body?
Mauricio:
EXACTLY
Glamour Diva:
LOL
Glamour Diva:
ok. i can accept that
Mauricio:
a smart principled little girl in a big woman's body
Mauricio:
now it is complete
Glamour Diva:
LOL

Dear Mauricio, you may be an old horn dog but you really know how to make a woman feel special!


In the immortal words of Michael Corleone, just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in! – GD

Well it finally happened Dear Readers. I, Glamour Diva, had one, fabulously awesome date! Sigh! It was so wonderful Dear Readers that I don’t know if words can express just how wonderful it truly was. But because it was just so beautiful and because I know you love reading about other folks business and making snap judgments (well don’t we all?) I will try my best to give you all the fascinating details. Ready?

8/2/2006 at 7:13:06 PM
Check out my profile and tell me if you want to chat.

8/2/2006 at 9:24:46 PM
Hello there Handsome! You have a great profile but my body type is neither Slim/Slender, Average, Athletic, Petite, nor Toned. Sorry!

Smooches,
Glamour Diva

8/3/2006 at 7:58:32 AM
Hello Glamour Diva,

Yes you sound like a terrific person that I would like to know. Tell me a little more about yourself.

Steve

8/4/2006 at 7:05:04 PM
Hi Steve!

You want to know more about me? You mean other than what’s in my profile? ;-) Well I like whiskey, I love to laugh, the only sports I like are baseball and rugby (and some Olympic sports), I like pubs and clubs that aren’t too noisy, I like classic movies and taking naps with one very special man. [I know that last sentence was terribly precious but dating is war and if I have to channel my inner sex kitten I will! Besides, it worked…]

What about you?

Smooches,
Glamour Diva

8/4/2006 at 7:31:08 PM
Yes I love to take naps with that one special woman. I like baseball & football and like a quiet intimate place to drink with that special diva. I work in the ____________ field, with a partnership in the ____________ business. What about you? A student or is their more?

Steve

8/4/2006 at 7:40:57 PM
Well Steve, I go to school part time and I work full time. I work temp at the moment (basic clerical) because it's easier to take off from work when needed but I was a _____________ for several years before returning to school.

So what do you _________ besides _________? How long have you been in the business? Do you enjoy it?

8/4/2006 at 7:47:42 PM
I have been in the ________ business for about 15 years, it is both interesting and somewhat of a hassle but the money is good and I like to see things take shape from just ____ to a _______. How would you like to meet tomorrow in the afternoon for say a coffee or some drinks?

Steve

8/4/2006 at 8:07:56 PM
I thought you'd never ask! LOL But the afternoon is bad for me. I have some errands to run with my mother. I'd prefer the evening but if that isn't good for you we can plan another time.

Smooches,
Glamour Diva
713 555 5555

8/4/2006 at 8:18:11 PM
The evening is great for me. I will call you tomorrow morning to set a time. I look forward to us meeting.

Steve

8/4/2006 at 8:23:31 PM
Great! Talk to you then...

So Saturday night I hurried home and got ready for the date. I wore a very pretty black dress that hit just below the knee, fitted at the waist, wide at the hip, sleeveless with a deep V-neck (I know, très chic!). I wore simple gold hoops, clear lipgloss and gold, satin spiked heels that have an overlay of black lace. My handbag was gold satin with silver, gold and bronze sequins. In other words, I was lookin’ fierce!

We were supposed to meet at a local pub, The Kelvin Arms, but I’d recently lost my ID so we decided to meet at a restaurant, Mi Luna . It was hotter than Hades, even at 7:30pm, and it showed. My God but I was sweating like there was no tomorrow! Yes I admit to the sweat. Women in Texas don’t glisten…it’s too damn hot for that!

Anyhoo, we met at the bar and I was pleasantly surprised. He looked much better in person and he has the most incredible brown eyes and a very mischievous, boyish smile! He’s tall, about six feet or so and very much a gentleman. And did I mention he’s old enough to be my Dad? Well almost. If he’d started in his late teens, well you get the picture. We started out sitting directly across from each other but as the restaurant got busier he moved next to me so we could hear each other better. It was odd but it seemed like their were invisible laces on us and someone kept pulling them tighter and tighter as got closer and closer. By the end of the date we were thigh-to-thigh and shoulder-to-shoulder! And he held my hand! And looked deeply into my eyes! And told me I was “lovely”! And he blatantly ogled my cleavage!

But the very best thing about the evening was that he understood my pop culture references which means he isn’t a complete idiot:

1. He was telling me about his childhood and how he loved to go sledging. So I asked him if his sled was named Rosebud. He totally got it! He even gave me some cool Hollywood gossip about William Randolph Hearst but that’s another blog entry all together!

2. I remarked on how close we were and he asked me if I minded. I said no so them he asked if he could get even closer and I laughed because I remembered an old Groucho Marx joke from the movie, A Day At The Races. Groucho’s character, Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush (LOL), is chatting up this woman and she’s getting really excited. So she grabs Groucho, presses him to her chest and calls out, “Hold me closer! Closer! Closer!” And Groucho stares directly into the camera and says, “If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you.” Steve laughed his ass off on that one!

After dinner he dropped me off at my car and we shared a kiss, very sweet but no tongues, and then I walked to my car on a billowy cloud of happiness! I even got hit on on the way to my car! Well warm, fuzzy feelings will do that to you. I think you may be wondering if I really like this guy. Well I do like him but I’m a naturally cautious person so we’ll see how long it takes him to turn into a flaming sack of shit…if ever. What ever happens Dear Readers I will be sure to keep you updated and posted.

Steve called while I was writing this and we have another date Tuesday. Yay! But don’t worry Ladies! I didn’t break any rules. We spoke Sunday about going out again so I did have advance notice. Ms. GD got this…don’t worry… – GD

Welcome, Dear Readers, to part eleven of my eternal damnation, The Internet Dating Chronicles Of Glamour Diva – Transatlantic/Equatorial Africa Edition (Episode 9, Series Finale!)

So…when last we met, “Powel”…oh forget it! If you’ve been with me this long you already know what’s coming next; more “love”, more inane chatting which we all know is just a set up for…Read and find out! So here it is Dear Readers, with further ado, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the thrilling Series Finale, which will answer all your burning questions! Oh and God Save the Queen!

June 29, 2006

Glamour Diva: Hi!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
Powel The Idiot: hello my love
Glamour Diva: hello baby! how are you?
Powel The Idiot: i am sad
Glamour Diva: why?
Powel The Idiot: i am not with u
Powel The Idiot: i am missing u so so much my love
Glamour Diva: aren’t you coming home soon? Won’t be together soon my sweet?
Powel The Idiot: we will surely be together soon my love
Powel The Idiot: but i cant wait honey
Powel The Idiot: i am missing u so so much my love
Glamour Diva: what can i do to make things better for you baby?
Powel The Idiot: tell me u will love me till the end of time
Powel The Idiot: that together we will be forever my love
Powel The Idiot: i am afriad honey.. another man can take u away from me honey
Glamour Diva: no, no other man could take me away from you. and i will love you and be with if you can do something for me?
Powel The Idiot: what is that my love
Glamour Diva: tell me that you will always respect me and appreciate the things i do for you
Powel The Idiot: i will my love with all my heart and soul
Powel The Idiot: i promise my love
Glamour Diva: i promise you too baby
Powel The Idiot: i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Glamour Diva: do you feel better?
Powel The Idiot: yes my love
Powel The Idiot: lol
Powel The Idiot: i love uuuuuuuuu
Glamour Diva: lol so are you almost done with your business there?
Powel The Idiot: yes
Powel The Idiot: just cant wait to be with u my love
Glamour Diva: well you'll have to wait. at least a while longer
Powel The Idiot: just have to wait for some weeks more my love
Powel The Idiot: i remember my love
Powel The Idiot: honey i have a liltle problem here
Glamour Diva: oh?
Powel The Idiot: some of my client want to buy some electronics honey
Glamour Diva: ok. well we can talk later
Powel The Idiot: no honey
Powel The Idiot: and which i am very happy for that my love
Powel The Idiot: so the sad thing is that they want to pay me buy money order my love
Powel The Idiot: and the sad thing is that they dont cash money order down here in africa my love
Powel The Idiot: and i dont want to lose this customers
Glamour Diva: ok so what can i do?
Powel The Idiot: well i use to do this for my company while i am in state honey
Powel The Idiot: but i cant do it from hear my love
Glamour Diva: so you want me to do it? ok i will! anything for the love of my life!
Powel The Idiot: so honey i want u to help me with it my love
Powel The Idiot: better my love
Powel The Idiot: i love uuuuuuuuuuu
Glamour Diva: ok so give me all the details and i will take care of it for you
Powel The Idiot: together we will be forever my love
Powel The Idiot: okay
Powel The Idiot: honey i will need u to email me ur full name and address so it can be send to u my love
Glamour Diva: ok. right now?
Powel The Idiot: PowelTheIdiot@yahoo.com
Powel The Idiot: yes my love
Powel The Idiot: u always make me happy my love
Powel The Idiot: i love uuuuuuuuuuuuu
Glamour Diva: ok but before I do let me just say that I knew all along that you were a fraud! LOL If you ever contact me again I will call the police and tell them what you're doing. You are a Nigerian criminal and I hope you burn in Hades! Goodbye you evil mother fucker!
Powel The Idiot: what did u mean by that
Powel The Idiot: i cant believe this
Glamour Diva: you aren’t an Englishman! You don’t have a son and none of the things you said to me are true! you steal from women!
Yahoo! Messenger: Powel The Idiot has signed out
Powel The Idiot: so u think i am a scammer right?
Glamour Diva: yes. that’s a very popular Nigerian scheme
Powel The Idiot: yes i know abt that
Powel The Idiot: i have also been scam by this people
Powel The Idiot: so u think i am one of them right
Powel The Idiot: that is very sad
Glamour Diva: ok so what if i do cash these money orders. what would you want me to do with the money? be honest
Powel The Idiot: send it back here
Powel The Idiot: so i can put it in my company account and then come back home honey
Glamour Diva: so if you are truly a businessman why can’t you do that through the bank? why do you need me? if you want me to believe you then prove it. make me believe you are an honest God-fearing man.
Glamour Diva: take a picture of you and John together and send it to me
Powel The Idiot: okay
Glamour Diva: with a current newspaper
Powel The Idiot: i will do that tomorrow or this weekend okay
Powel The Idiot: ok
Glamour Diva: ok. so who is that white man in that picture you sent me? what do you really look like?
Powel The Idiot: u have my pics okay
Powel The Idiot: i am very sad with the way u r thinking right now
Glamour Diva: ok well call me so i can hear your British accent. call me right now
Glamour Diva: if you really love me as you say. you will do it now
Powel The Idiot: i will have to call u tomorrow okay
Glamour Diva: no. That was the wrong answer. Now I am sad that you felt you needed to lie to me and use an innocent child in your lies as well. That’s pitiful.
Powel The Idiot: u think i am lieing to u right
Powel The Idiot: that is very sad
Powel The Idiot: well let forget abt it okay
Powel The Idiot: i will talk to u tomorrow
Powel The Idiot: will evn all u
Powel The Idiot: bye
Glamour Diva: no you won’t i am blocking you now. Goodbye and God bless!
Yahoo! Messenger: Powel The Idiot has signed out

So he never got back with me but I suspect you already guessed that. Ladies this is just one example of the evil that lurks on the net. You can’t let your guard down for a second. Remember, if it’s too good to be true, then it probably for damn sure is! Peace out ya’ll and stay alert! – GD