Nasty, nasty boys, don't mean a thing
Oh you nasty boys
Nasty, nasty boys, don't ever change
Oh you nasty boys
Nasty – Janet Jackson

Nas·ty |nastē|
adjective (-tier, -tiest)
Highly unpleasant, esp. to the senses; physically nauseating, repugnant to the mind; morally bad, Of a person or animal – behaving in an unpleasant or spiteful way, annoying or unwelcome, physically or mentally damaging or harmful.

So I temp for a local grocery store chain in their transportation department and it has been quite an eye-opening experience! I started in late January and I can honestly say that except for one or two blissful days at the beginning of my assignment, my time has mostly been spent fending off the advances of dirty, old (and now some young) men.

I’d heard rumors that many truck drivers were filthy bastards but I thought it was just rumor sprinkled liberally with innuendo, like when people say some doctors have god complexes ? Well I am here to tell you Dear Readers that while I can’t say ALL truckers are scandalous sons of bitches, I can say that MANY of the ones I work with are as dirty as they come! I would say that out of 160 drivers, 150 are married or currently living with a significant other. Out of those 150, all (yes I said ALL damnit!) have had affairs in the past or are currently in the throws of long-term extramarital relationships. How do I know this you ask?

1. They gossip worse then any woman ever did!
2. They admit flat out that they have girlfriends or…
3. Arrive at non work-related social functions with their girlfriends (introducing them as such).

This is just a sampling of some of the bullshit I put up with on the daily:

The Crusty Old Goat (RF) – This joker wants me so badly. Actually he wants any black woman badly it just so happens I’m handy. He has a fetish, I think, and I’m not trying to be anyone’s fetish object! Besides, he doesn’t handle rejection well. For example, he was telling me how he wanted to do me and blah, blah, blah so I told him that doing anything with him was out of the question. He demanded to know why so I posed my answer to him in the form of a question – Why would I degrade myself by getting involved with a married man? Booooooy what the hell did I say that for? It took him two weeks to get over it ya’ll! Every time he saw me he’d mention something about how he wouldn’t want me to “degrade” myself by doing blah, blah, blah! What a fucking tool! So what’s wrong with him besides his funky attitude? Try old as pepper, horrible shape, bushy mustache, leathery skin, smells of stale smoke and sweat, bad teeth and bad hair!

The Rooster (ET) – He was the first man to speak to me and because of that I now “belong” to him. No he won’t ask me out or even talk dirty to me. What he does is actually much worse – Cock Block! When he isn’t following my every move he’s trying desperately to make sure no other man in the building will speak to me. If any man shows me the least bit of interest he pecks at that poor slob’s self-esteem until he gives up and skulks away. Only the strongest and horniest can withstand his daily onslaughts to their egos and their aren’t many of them left. But he’s so funny to watch ya’ll! When he knows I’m within earshot he starts strutting and crowing at the top of his lungs! He’ll even walk back and forth past wherever I’m sitting just to gaze at me or sometimes he’ll stop and ask me some inane question to get my attention. The truly sad part is that everyone in the building knows how he feels about me and they all laugh behind his back because he’s so pathetic! I even called him on his shit once, just to see what he would do and, guess what? He did nothing! He ignored the whole incident! You see he wants to be the one to pursue me and, having finally worn me down, claim his rightful place as the Supreme Cock of the Walk . Whatever asshole. He might be relatively hot for a 46-year-old but his childish behavior (and his wife and girlfriend) are a complete turn off!

The Old Player (LJ) – I actually kinda like this guy! Why you might ask? Because he’s straight up, no bullshit, horny as fuck and he isn’t afraid to say so! This Old G claims to be a master Cocksman and says he has references to back it all up yo! He loves to tell me stories about how he learned to perform cunnilingus at the feet (our would that be lips?) of a bisexual friend who first let him watch before coming back to join him in a threesome. He loves porn and even showed me a clip he keeps on his phone. In fact it was our mutual love of porn that led to a very interesting conversation very early on a Sunday morning. He called to ask me how I liked the two CDs he lent me. After we discussed the movies like Ebert & Roeper, he launched into a tirade about what a good fuck he is and how he knows, if given half a chance, he could totally turn me out! Below is one of the many priceless gems he threw at me during our conversation:

TOP: So can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure.
TOP: Do you have a shallow pussy or a deep pussy?
Me: Uh…I’m not familiar with that terminology.
TOP: Well ya know slim women usually have deep pussies and big women usually have shallow pussies.
Me: Well I don’t know. I’d have to ask someone I’ve had sex with.
TOP: Oh yeah? Well I know I’d be good for you.
Me: How’s that? Your penis would fit perfectly with a shallow pussy?
TOP: Yes! I’m about eight inches.
Me: Well that’s respectable! Are you thick then?
TOP: Oh yes! Got a real thick head.
Me: Oh…that’s nice.

The conversation goes on but really it’s just him trying his best to convince me that we are cut from the same freaky cloth, which means we are meant to boink our brains out! The old codger even had the nerve to suggest that the proof of my freakiness lay in the fact that I’m not offended by the thought of oral sex, occasionally go without panties and that I sleep in the nude! If that’s the case then half the women in the world, if not more, are complete and utter sluts! Anyway, I calmly thanked him for his interest but declined just the same. To my surprise he didn’t curse me out or hang up in my face. He just said that he wasn’t the kind of man who forced the issue and that if I ever changed my mind he would be there waiting. Sigh…gotta love an aging manwhore!

Stay tuned for more Nasty Boy Chronicles! Trust me Dear Readers, there are many more men and much more nastiness to come! – GD



Lovely pic of Aphrodite smacking Pan, the horny ass goat, over the head with her sandal found here