YAWN!

Is this year’s Super 14 boring the shit out of you too? My computer was so bored it completely shut down. Seriously, she went to sleep Thursday night and didn’t wake up until sometime Sunday afternoon. I tried shoving her but she wouldn’t budge. So I just left her the fuck alone because, quite honestly, I felt her pain. But then my iPod, in a show of solidarity, decided to take an extended nap too and that was where I had to draw the line! Email and rugby shit I can live without but a weekend without music is a fate worse than death! Fortunately Mr. iPod decided to rise and shine this morning just before I left for work…typical male… - GD

Full On Fooliwang
Damnit Nonu! Damnit Jerry!
Somebody check on Nonu! What the hell is wrong with the boy? And what the fuck is going on with Jerry? Check on JC too while you at it! I would say they both need to calm down and maybe relax, have a drink and get laid but we all know lack of alcohol and sex is the least of their problems! Maybe Nonu is acting all discombobulated because of something I know which I can’t say anymore about because I’ve been sworn to secrecy? And maybe all the baby drama is finally getting to Jerry and he had to take it out on nigga’s face?

You didn’t ask for my opinion Nonu but uh…you need to check yo self before ya wreck yo self! Jerry will be on the next All Black’s squad no matter what but your spot, as you well know, is a bit more tenuous. Have you seen the opinion polls? When I took it most people thought you’d never see another black jersey unless you bought it your -damn-self! If you’re not going to show Graham Henry your peepee you best get you act together Bruv. Oh well, nigga has yet to listen to a word I say so…WHATEV!

Just look a him ya’ll! Sittin’ in the sin bin lookin’ like butter wouldn’t melt. Oooooo LAWD!

That’s not why they suck!
I wish The Highlanders’ terrible game play could be blamed on bad hair but if we followed that logic every NZ rugby team would suck! Oh wait; they did lose the World Cup so I guess they may have a freakin point! Kudos to the NZ public for finally recognizing how shitty that shaved, mullet mess is although you left it a bit late don’t you think?

Bitch And Moan, Bitch And Moan!
I don’t know who this Kronfeld dude is but he makes an interesting assessment! Check out the quote below regarding the recent rule changes:


Indeed! If the Hurricanes’ current lackluster performance on the pitch is any indication then old, angry dude has a point. However, SHUT UP! If the IRB wanted your opinion you’d be on the next plane to Dublin, Ireland but as it stands you are sitting in Dunedin, New Zealand eating meat pies like you NZers love to do! If anyone has a right to complain it’s me and galaxyMafia; we’re the ones who have to struggle to make this shit funny! Get your priorities straight and chill out before that vein in your neck pops…fo reals homie!

Bits And Pieces
Gatland stands on his Wales record and stands by the new asshole he ripped for New Zealand. I ain’t mad atcha boy!

Troy Flavell heads back to Japan after Super 14…and who among us besides Cécile really gives a damn? Yes, that’s what I thought…

The Chiefs are doomed and that’s all there is to it!

Nucifora has yet to buy a clue, even after getting his ass kicked in South Africa…

Richie, DC and Co. have way too much time on their hands and not enough razor blades!

I admit the NFL and the NBA have irrevocably spoiled me but in this situation imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery – it’s a fucking insult! Check out these so called cheerleaders in all their denim, cutoff booty shorts and horrendous dance moves glory!

Super 14 week three slideshow featuring: Sione getting his pants pulled down, Nacewa getting crushed to death, Mose perfecting his Heisman trophy stance with his sexy afro, Hurricane hug fest, Ig’nant Highlanders mascot and all up betwixt Richie’s legs. Listen to the commentary if you like but I suggest hitting the mute button.

And In Six Nations News…

I am so damn happy for Scotland, really I am, but shit if the English peeps aren't being hard on poor Jonny! He got the top scoring record ya’ll give him a break! It’s okay pookie toot, you’ll get’em next year!

Irelands scrappy little leprechauns could not out scrap Wales and were therefore sent home.

France poured Hollandaise all in Italy’s Marinara and that shit tasted just as good as it sounds! UGH!

galaxyMafia is sure you know by now that, after months of hemming and hawing, Jonah Lomu and his wife, Fiona, have finally stopped pretending that their marriage isn’t shot to hell, and have admitted, through their rep, that they’ve stuck a fork in their four-year union because it’s done.
The end of the Lomus’ marriage is no breaking news flash (but just in case you haven’t heard, you can read it for yo’self). Jonah Lomu’s actions of late have spoken louder than the “I-don’t-comment-on-my-personal-life” spiel he’s been spouting 24/7 on a continuous loop.

First, Lomu moved out of the Auckland mansion he shared with wife Fiona.
(Although, at a value of $1.35 million dollars, it would struggle to be listed as a two-bedroom house in California or New York. To call it a mansion in those upscale markets would be quite charitable but, galaxyMafia digresses. . .)

Second, Lomu got a new girlfriend.

It was pretty clear, then, that Lomu, who some say is the most recognized rugby star in the world (whatever the hell that means), had raised up outta that bitch. Literally, and, ahem, figuratively. . .

And that’s when Lomu’s shit really started to stink.

Thing is, galaxyMafia really doesn’t have a problem with Lomu moving on. Because that’s what n!ggas do. They break up with one girl, and quickly move to the next one, with no provocation or preamble. And, unfortunately, n!ggas often move on to the next chick even if they have not entirely, with clear and convincing undisputed evidence, extricated themselves from a previous relationship. Yes, that’s tacky and immature and unnecessary because it really don’t take all that but. . .that’s n!ggas for you.

What galaxyMafia has a problem with is Jonah Lomu’s choices.

Selfish, unsympathetic, pugnacious choices which have led him to behave like a seething, unrepentant heathen. . .

You see, Mr. Lomu, apparently without any shame or remorse, has begun a new relationship with the wife of another man. . .and Mr. Lomu himself is still married. . .

galaxyMafia must tell you that she doesn’t know Mr. Lomu personally. She doesn’t know what kind of man he is, and she is not privy to his side of this tacky, sad, ghetto story. But, galaxyMafia has to wonder what kind of man, who purports to be a role model for young athletes, would so blatantly violate and spit upon the sanctity of holy matrimony, what kind of guy would enter into an adulterous relationship with a casual shrug of his shoulders?

What the hell kind of person is Mr. Lomu. . .?

He turns his back on his wife, Fiona, and cheats on her, the woman who stuck by him when he was literally facing death. But for a kidney transplant, Mr. Lomu might be dead now. Does Mr. Lomu thank God for Fiona, who clearly took seriously the vows to love him “In sickness and in health”? Does Fiona’s loyalty to him during that crises mean shit to Lomu? Now that Mr. Lomu is well, are all bets off? Does he think he cheated death so he can do whatever the fuck he wants to whomever he wants? Does he really think he will not have to stand before the Lord and give account of his behavior? We will all have to do that, whether you believe it or not, and Mr. Lomu will not be excused because he’s some supposed rugby superstar.

But, galaxyMafia can’t, and won’t blame it all on Mr. Lomu. Cliché but true, it takes two to make a thing go right, and galaxyMafia must place blame on Jonah’s new girl, Nadene Quirk.

If you’ve read anything about Nadene, you know she’s a smart, successful, accomplished young woman. Indeed, the New Zealand government has even enlisted her to be a role model for young women. Nadene has her own business, she’s moderately attractive and lives an exciting life.

Ten months ago, she also became what many women would kill to be – a brand, spanking new bride. She and Jarek Goebel were married, took vows before God and their family. But, obviously, something went wrong. galaxyMafia doesn’t profess to know what went sour in Nadene’s and J’s relationship. As galaxyMafia said, there are so many sides to every story. Perhaps, Nadene and Jarek were unevenly yoked to begin with, so their relationship never would have worked. Or, maybe, Nadene and J felt pressured to get hitched. Maybe they just couldn’t get along, and couldn’t make it work.

Or, maybe, when Jonah Lomu stepped to Nadene, she saw it as an opportunity she just couldn’t pass up, J be damned.

Because galaxyMafia figures that if every little ‘Nesian boy dreams of growing up and being an All Black then every little New Zealand girl’s fantasy is to marry or date or screw an All Black.

Of course, Jonah Lomu isn’t an All Black. But he was. One of the very damn best. And Jarek Goebel. . .well, he’s not even on the Blues team yet. . .just a shadow player, and who knows if he’ll be picked for the team and well. . .

Kinda, sorta makes you see Nadene’s dilemma, huh?

On the one hand, there’s the rugby superstar. And on the other, there’s a guy who looks up to said superstar, who may or may not be a rugby superstar himself one day.
And with Lomu’s marriage to Fiona heading into the ditch, Nadene told J adios, cholo. . .and walked out on her marriage, seemingly with no regret.

galaxyMafia must admit, Jonah’s and Nadene’s selfish actions are repugnant but, even more than that, gM is discouraged by their behavior. . .

What was the purpose of throwing Fiona and J under the bus? What does it profit Jonah or Nadene to cheat on their respective spouses so unabashedly? Now, Fiona is devastated and embarrassed. J is simply gutted. Nadene’s hasty departure from the life they should have lived until death do them part shocked and destroyed him. And Jonah and Nadene, who are apparently looking for a new house, can’t really enjoy their new relationship because everywhere they go, some reporter is asking them about the circumstances surrounding their coupling. And what was that posturing with Jonah and Nadene showing up at a Blues practice? When J saw them there together, he was decimated. Why would they do that? So Jonah could show his ass and reveal just how much of a stupid Tongan n!gga he is? Why would Nadene go along with Jonah’s Neanderthal tomfoolery? Later, she admitted it was awkward. Really, bitch, ya think?

galaxyMafia can’t help but think that all of this could have been avoided if Jonah and Nadene had divorced their spouses, and then entered into a relationship. But, it seems to be a case of two selfish people who want what they want when they want it and damn everything else to hell. . .

Well, Jonah and Nadene. . .pray, pray that you don’t end up there yourselves.

copyright 2008. galaxyMafia

Ms. GD is back with some super gossip for all her super Dear Readers! Because this is very special, scandalous gossip she has decided to write it in the form of a fairy tale. So sit back and enjoy the tale of a king who might one day lose his queen (Who by all accounts still has that new car smell) if he doesn’t learn to keep his regal penis in his sovereign pants…

We know…you guess…

So I creep yeah
Just keep it on the down low
Said nobody is supposed to know
So I creep yeah
'Cause [S]he doesn't know
What I do and no attention
Goes to show oh so I creep
Creep – TLC

Once upon a time (May 2007 to be exact), in a land far, far, away (The Land of the Rising Sun to be even more exact), there was a tournament held for former All Blacks to relive their glory days and test their mettle against younger, better conditioned, non-busted up and broke down players.

And at that time, in that far away land, at that irksome tournament, there was in attendance a certain “King”. Now this king was not a true king at all but just a lowly commoner who’d been given the honorific title because of his feats of daring do on the pitch and his long and faithful service to his homeland and the game of rugby. In fact, the only attribute he shared with a true king was his unusual first name and the kingly habit of feeling entitled to getting whatever his little heart desired whenever his little heart desired it. But I get ahead of myself…

One night, after a difficult day spent toiling on the pitch (You know the old grey stallion, he ain’t what he used to be…), the king decided to spend the evening with his teammates at a local public house in a quaint little thriving, pulsating metropolis called Tokyo. While fellowshipping with his cronies (And by “fellowshipping” I mean picking up girls) the king noticed a beautiful young woman entering the establishment. Now this was not the beautiful young woman he’d been married to since 2005 but a different, more exotic beautiful young woman he’d never seen before. The king was so taken with this lovely creature that be proceeded to openly stare at her as she made her way about the local drinking establishment.

Little did he know that the exotically beautiful young woman was actually a Princess in disguise and had absolutely no interest in a married man who all but flaunted his low birth by gaping at her all night long like a bug-eyed trout freshly netted from a lake! Now even a Princess has to head to the Ladies Room on occasion (She’s royal but still human you know!) but unfortunately, the king saw this as a chance to make his move. He cornered her outside the WC and proceeded to hand her a note, which read:

“The King”
Room 12XX
Blank Hotel

The Princess was, of course, mightily insulted but because she was in fact a Princess of the highest breeding she did not strike him across his face with her glove and call him a bounder and a ridiculous oaf for confusing her royal carriage with that of common Oiran! No, instead she hesitantly accepted the note, bowed gracefully (As is the custom in her land) and entered the restroom while silently cursing him in the most beautiful, grammatically correct and formal Japanese her injured soul could muster.

Upon exiting the Ladies Lounge the Princess was distressed to see the king still standing there, apparently awaiting her imminent reemergence. The king, who obviously could not afford to buy a clue, took it upon himself to speak to the Princes but by then she was so insulted that she could not speak and quickly left the pub, distressed that her night on the town had been ruined by the village idiot in royal robes.

Later that week she began to feel very sorry for the way she’d treated the king because she was, after all, a Princess and he was, after all, a dullard. But then one of her ladies in waiting informed her that the king had passed the same note to several different women after her departure! This made her feel less upset about her own behavior and more secure in her earlier assessment that a faithful and honorable professional athlete is a rare bird indeed.

The End

Another day…another post about my obsession with NZ Rugby…

So where to begin Dear Readers? Twas not so long ago that the apple of Ms. GD’s eye was (the still very awesome) Wentworth Miller but now with DSL and rugby games on demand, Ms. GD has broadened her Hot Ass Man horizons to include Pacific Islanders, Maori and the occasional New Zealander of European decent.

Good googly-goo but these men are the hotness ya’ll! But, I hear you chirp, just how hot are they Ms. GD? Well my Dear Inquisitive Readers, they are so very hot that four of them are currently on the top ranked national team (the All Blacks) in the world, seven of them are on the second ranked (but #1 in our hearts) team in New Zealand, three of them are on the top ranked team in NZ and they all reign supreme…all alone…at the top of the world rugby ladder and they manage to do it while being, as Mama Diva said when she say them, “Gooooooood lookin’!”

So how does one rate or even manage all this hotness? And more to the point, how does one Ms. GD express that measurement in a way her Dear Readers will comprehend? There are only three ways I can think of…organizational charts and pictures with comparisons to figures from classical Greek mythos! What? You got another way?



Canterbury Crusaders/Canterbury:
Mose Tuiali’i/Morpheus – God of Dreams
Just one look at Mose and you can see why he would embody the spirit of the god of dreams – he’s soooooo dreamy! Aaaaaargh! I swear, when I first say this photo I almost fell out of my chair! With that steely gaze and that shimmering, wet body…OH LAWD! And add to that the fact that he’s a God fearing, church going man and that just makes him all the more superb. Is that even possible? But, Ladies and Gentlemen, before you purchase those airline tickets you should know that he’s married. I know…sad huh?

Auckland Blues/Auckland:
Doug Howlett /Poseidon – God of the sea, horses and earthquakes
Well I certainly felt the earth move the first time I saw Dougie! Not to mention a fair bit of moisture down south! Wait…I guess we shouldn’t mention that? And even though I’m afraid of horses (Ms. GD thinks anything that isn’t a dog or a cat is a wild animal) I’d certainly set astride one if Mr. Hot-lett were giving me a boost! Oooooooo…his hands on my ass…*cough*…sorry. Doug’s beautiful brown/hazel eyes, ebony locks, and square jawed loveliness have been a regular feature in my fantasies and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. What I wouldn’t give to be submerged in a warm, blue green sea with him. Sigh!

Waikato Chiefs/Waikato:
Sione Lauaki/Atlas – Condemned by Zeus to stand at the western edge of the earth and shoulder the weight of the heavens
Technically Atlas isn’t a god but a Titan. However, comparing Mr. Lauaki to the doomed Titan is strangely fitting. His formidable appearance and great strength on the pitch is legendary. Unfortunately, Dear Sione hasn’t yet mastered the skill of keeping his aggression on the field. In short, he’s got an anger management problem and is quick with the fisticuffs! I ain’t mad at him though. I just think he’s misunderstood and maybe a little lonely. I’d love to cuddle him to my ample bosom, rock him back and forth and tell him it’s gonna be alright. And while I’m rocking him I’ll run my fingers (and toes) through that gorgeous mop of fat, silky curls and place a juicy kiss on those lips and…oh well you get the picture. Right?

Richard Kahui/Ares – God of savage war, or bloodlust
So young…so innocent…my Aunt Fanny! Young Mr. Kahui may look like he just got his braces off and his first big boy haircut but this man is a true warrior on the pitch! He showed his ass on the field this year (Only figuratively speaking of course…DAMNIT!) and had all the sports pundits salivating all over themselves and shorting out their computers! I was salivating too but not because he was the top scorer in the Air New Zealand Cup. No Ms. GD was drooling like a hungry cheetah because this youngin’ is FINE! Richard gotz a nice little ass on him fo reals yo!

Mils Muliaina/Apollo – God of medicine and healing, light, truth, archery and also a bringer of death-dealing plague
Well I know I felt the healing powers of Malili the first time I saw him! Praise be ya’ll! Let’s just get right to the point Dear Readers, I love this man’s body! Yes he’s a bit on the lean side but my goodness is he not perfectly defined and toned without an ounce of extra fat on him! And those legs! Ow! His voice is wonderful too. It’s not too booming but not too high either and when I hear it I just want to curl up in his lap like a cat! Unfortunately he’s hopelessly devoted to his girlfriend of many years which means I’ll never…ever get a chance to get anywhere near his lap!

Wellington Lions/Hurricanes:
Tana Umaga/Zeus – King of the gods, ruler of Mount Olympus, and god of the sky and thunder
Oh Tana, if only I’d been born in New Zealand you’d be married to me and not…well, the woman you are currently married to! What can I say about one of the greatest players of modern rugby that hasn’t already been said? Oh yeah – He’s The Hotness Ya’ll! He’s not what some would call traditionally handsome but there’s just something about Mr. Umaga, a sort of animal magnetism if you will. It’s that sort of raw, aggressive, sexual power that makes you want to scream and cry and hyperventilate before passing out on the floor! Okay well maybe I’m the only one that feels this way but that doesn’t negate his royal hotness!

Ma’a Nonu/Eros – God of lust, love, and sex and also worshipped as a fertility deity
Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! Good Lord but he is beautiful! It just makes no sense for someone to be that beautiful! It makes no sense for a man to be that beautiful! And if his awesome beauty wasn’t enough he has a body like a brick shit house! Good Lord! Oh that smile! That smile like the molten surface of the sun! Dear Readers I could never meet him. Either I’d act like the village idiot and mumble incoherently whilst drooling all over his shoes or I’d molest him. Yes. It’s as simple as that.

Lome Fa’atau/Dionysus – God of wine; both it’s intoxicating power and its social and beneficial influences, promoter of civilization, a lawgiver, and lover of peace as well as the patron deity of agriculture and the theater
He’s everything a zaftig and cute as a button Texas girl could want – devout Catholic, proud Samoan/New Zealander, tall and fine like a mutha, world class winger (only a Fijian could catch him), top try scorer for the 2006 Super 14, and the most handsome man I have ever seen in my whole...entire...LIFE! I’m talking movie star/model good looks ya’ll! Sigh. Marry me baby. Please? I’ll be a wonderful wife and mother to you and our three beautiful children! I promise baby!!! Damn…did I type that out loud?

Neemia Tialata/Pan – God of shepherds and their flocks, known for his music, capable of arousing inspiration, sexuality, or panic, depending on his intentions
What’s not to like about a man that loves a damn dog like this? And did I mention he plays the guitar? And that he’s fiercely devoted to his family? He also knows his way around a bottle of hair gel (Check out that faux hawk!) And did I mention his perfectly edged up sideburns? Oh yes and as galaxyMafia would be quick to point out, he’s the linchpin of the Wellington/All Blacks scrum? And let us not forget the most important thing of all – those magnificent thighs of Adamantium! Egads and Ooooooowwww baby! You can “wrastle” with me anytime Mr. Tialata!

Shannon Paku/Hermes – God of boundaries and of the travelers who cross them, of shepherds and cowherds, of orators and wit, of literature and poets, of athletics, of weights and measures and invention and commerce in general, and of the cunning of thieves and liars
Mr. Paku needs to work on those errant cowlicks and stop parting his hair straight down the middle like Alfalfa but we’ll forgive him these minor flaws because, 1. He’s married now and that shit is his new wife’s problem and 2. All we care about are those long, luscious, luxurious legs of his and the way he likes to tease us by wearing those shawt rugby shawts. Good Lawd!


Tamati Ellison/Zephyrus – The west wind and bringer of light spring and early summer breezes
He’s much too young but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t enjoy turning him out! I don’t think he’s completely inexperienced (They start early in New Zealand plus he’s a professional athlete!) but I doubt he’s had the full benefit of many kindly, mature women in his life…if ya know what I’m saying Dear Readers. But then again, he might be able to show me a thing or three in which case I better take my vitamins and remember to stretch before we get started. What the young ones lack in control they more than make up for in stamina. Tally-Ho!

Jerry Collins/Hades – God of the Dead
Jerry Collins. Jerry Collins. Oooooo weeeee Jerry Collins! Everything I have to say about him has already been said here . Mmmmm…mmmm…Jerry Collins!




Hot Ass 2006 Super 14 Advert featuring Ma’a Nonu, Sione Lauaki and many sexy others!


This is my last official rugby post of the year so I hope you enjoyed it Dear Readers. I’m taking a short break from all this rugby foolishness until Super 14 starts in February. Now this doesn’t mean that if something (or someone) juicy pops up that I won’t blog about it. It just means I’m going to try and focus on something else besides Hot Ass Rugby Players. Pray for a sister ya’ll. – GD


Most pics found here

0 Comment

Hello Dear Readers! It’s your girl Ms. GD and she’s back from her extended vacation from SNV with another set of videos featuring Hot Ass Men! This time we’re kickin’ it Pacific Islander and Maori style with a set of the most ghettoest videos not found in the United States! I kid you not Dear Readers! I don’t know how they got so ghetto but they are and I love it! So do the Haka, grab a big warm bowl of taro, cuddle up to your computer screen and enjoy some of the best Hip Hop and R&B Polynesia and all points West and South West (That would be New Zealand and Australia) has to offer. WOOT! WOOT! ya’ll!

This is the favorite group of two of our favorite Hot Ass rugby players, Ma’a Nonu and Lome Fa’atau. You know Ms. GD love the kids and the little ones break dancing in this vid are too cutie patootie! Nesian Mystik – So Good


This vid reminds me of I’m Real by J-Lo and Ja Rule…only more artistic like West Side Story…Savage Featuring Aaradhna – They Don’t Know


GM and I love us some Chong Nee ya’ll! He just a big ole’ Polynesian Teddy Bear ain’t he? Chong Nee – Thin Line


I don’t know who the young woman singing in the video is but she sho nuff got some pipes on her! And the dude playing the “Bad Boyfriend” is hot to death! Chong Nee – Scenarios

UPDATE: The young woman singing her lungs out is named Niki Ahu and you can find out more about her here.

Little homie got a nice flo but the beat is tight, tight, tight! Gone den boy! Frontline – What Was You Thinking


Switches, spinning rims, boomin’ systems, snakeskin Timberlands and video vixens pumpin’ it like their lives depended on it! Looks like Any Ghetto, U.S.A but it ain’t…it’s New Zealand baby! Dei Hamo – We Gon' Ride


This is my favorite joint! The beat is SICK and young Mr. Scribe got a good little flo on him. It will probably be a few years before he’s truly spittin’ hot fire but he’s young yet and I ain’t hatin’ on him. Also…He’s ADORABLE! Scribe – Not Many (Remix)


Oh Dear Readers, all Ms. GD can think about is sunny California. Sigh. Where are you Dec. 21?!?!?!? – GD

Good evening Dear Readers and welcome to another edition of SNV! Tonight Ms. GD is tired and a bit nervous about her two job interviews Monday morning so she’s just not feeling the naked men tonight. Besides, after almost spontaneously orgasming to the image of Ma’a Nonu in the Wellington vs. Auckland Air New Zealand Cup Semi-final…TWICE…well, how could she possible come down from that? So in lieu of Hot Ass Men please enjoy these Hip Hop Classics!

In The Beginning There Was: Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five – The Message


Das EFX – They Want EFX


UTFO – Roxanne Roxanne


EPMD – Crossover


Newcleus – Jam On It


Afrika Bambataa – Planet Rock


In the immortal words of Marvin Hamlisch from A Chorus Line , “God, I hope I get it! I hope I get it! How many people does she need?!?!?” Pray for me Dear Readers! – GD

ACT TWO
Scene One
Auckland, New Zealand. After a long, 24-hour flight (during which Glamour Diva was heavily sedated) to the bottom of the world, Glamour Diva and Galaxy Mafia arrive in Kiwi Land.

GLAMOUR DIVA/GALAXY MAFIA
[Stepping off the plane, strutting fiercely across the tarmac towards a black Rolls Royce, sent by the Prime Minister of NZ to fetch them]

“Bootylicious” by Destiny’s Child

Wellington – can you handle this?
Waikato – Can you handle this?
Cantebury – Can you handle this?
We don’t think they can handle this!!
Wooooooooooo!!!


ACT TWO
Scene Two

After spending the day brainstorming ideas on how to recruit African-Americans to NZ, GD returns to hotel suite to get ready for the party, which is being thrown for she and GM by the Prime Minister.

GALAXY MAFIA
So, did you and the PM come up with anything?

GLAMOUR DIVA
[rolls her eyes]
He wants to open chicken and waffle houses, and watermelon stands.

GALAXY MAFIA
Well. . .black folk like chickens. And watermelon.

GLAMOUR DIVA
We also like opera, the symphony and museums

GALAXY MAFIA
Did you suggest those things?

GLAMOUR DIVA
Yeah but, he wasn’t too keen on the opera idea. He wants Tyler Perry to come and create a Maori gospel stage play starring Hosea Gear and Keisha Castle-Hughes .

GALAXY MAFIA
[Aghast and agog]
Maori gospel stage play?

GLAMOUR DIVA
“Mama, I want to do the Haka!”. Keisha plays a young Maori girl who wants to play for the All Blacks.

GALAXY MAFIA
Speaking of the All Blacks. . .

GLAMOUR DIVA
[sighs]
Do we have to?

GALAXY MAFIA
You know the PM invited them to the party, right?

GLAMOUR DIVA
Don’t remind me.

GALAXY MAFIA
What’s wrong with you? Ain’t that why we traveled to the bottom of the world? So you could have some of that tasty Nonu?

GLAMOUR DIVA
He’s too young. . .

GALAXY MAFIA
That means he’s tender and juicy

GLAMOUR DIVA
I don’t know. . .what if he’s just a bunch of hype? I mean, I know he’s got the stamina...

GALAXY MAFIA
And he could definitely hold you up if y’all had sex in the ocean...

GLAMOUR DIVA
He might not have any skills.

GALAXY MAFIA
Guess you’ll just have to see...

GALAXY MAFIA goes into the bathroom, leaving GLAMOUR DIVA alone to ponder the question of whether or not she should ride the Nonu Express.

ACT TWO
Scene Three

THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Stupid Girls” by P!nk

Where oh where, have the smart girls gone?
Where oh where could they be?
They don’t need to be no stupid girls!

ACT TWO
Scene Four

Gala celebration at the Prime Minister’s mansion honoring GLAMOUR DIVA. All of posh and socially well-connected New Zealand is on hand at the black tie event. The entire All Black team is present as well, so fresh and so clean in their All Black tailor made suits. GLAMOUR DIVA wears Dior while GALAXY MAFIA rocks vintage Chanel. Both women have chosen super-hot shoe designer Christian Louboutin for their ruthlessly pedicured feet.

As GLAMOUR DIVA makes the rounds on the arm of the PM, being introduced to the haute monde and jet set, she notices that MA’A NONU seems to be watching every move she makes, caressing her with those smoldering dark eyes, giving her a hint of exciting things to come. Naturally, GLAMOUR DIVA does her best to ignore him however she finds herself a-flutter and a-twitter.

NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER
Is everything okay?

GLAMOUR DIVA
Uh, yes. . .yes. . .everything is fine

NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER
I have a special treat on the menu I’m sure you’ll love!

GLAMOUR DIVA
Cherries Jubilee. . .?

NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER
Pig’s feet!

GLAMOUR DIVA
Aww. . .you shouldn’t have. . .

While drinking champagne alone at the bar, GALAXY MAFIA overhears two All Black players talking.

ALL BLACK #1
Did you hear what happened to Wax?

ALL BLACK #2
No, what happened to him?

ALL BLACK #1
Well, this event is for current All Blacks, and he ain’t on the team no more. But he tried to get in anyway.

ALL BLACK #2
Dumb islander. Can’t handle his grog.

ALL BLACK #1
Anyway, the security guards hauled him out of here

ALL BLACK #2
Stupid islander. Why’d he try to get in anyway?

ALL BLACK #1
[laughs]
He thought he could meet Galaxy Mafia!!

Flabbergasted, GALAXY MAFIA sputters, coughs and spits a mouthful of champagne all over the bar, much to the disgust and frustration of the bartender.

An hour or so later, dinner is over and a DJ, dispatched from Compton, California, is spinning records while everyone cuts a fine rug.

Standing on the edge of the dance floor, MA’A NONU stands with friends and fellow All Blacks, MILS MULIAINA, SHANNON PAKU, MOSE TUIALI’I, PIRI WEEPU, JERRY COLLINS AND RICO GEAR. TANA UMAGA, while not an All Black, is there as well, in his capacity as sports dignitary . MA’A and his crew are watching GLAMOUR DIVA as she dances with the PRIME MINISTER.

MILS MULIAINA
Glamour Diva, she’s one hell of a –

MA’A NONU
Back off, nigga. That ass is mine. You can have her when I’m finished.

MOSE TUIALI’I
[disgusted, to MA’A]
Glamour Diva is not the kind of woman you pass from man to man

MA’A NONU
[to MOSE]
Nigga, ain’t you suppose to be at a prayer meeting tonight?

TANA UMAGA
Lil T, I think Moss is right. You need to watch your step around Glamour Diva

PIRI WEEPU
You can’t treat Glamour Diva like one of your regular hos.

SHANNON PAKU
You gotta treat her like a lady. . .

“Treat her like a lady” by The Temptations

Light her cigarette when she smokes
Even help her with her coat
Treat her like a lady

MA’A NONU
Y’all niggaz want to brown nose bitches. But, I’ll tell her like this: Bitch, you without me is like the All Blacks without Jonah Lomu. . .you’ll never win the World Cup.

MOSE TUIALI’I
You really should watch your language. Glamour Diva is a fine, young woman and she does not deserve to be maligned by –

MA’A NONU
[to MOSE]
Nigga, ain’t you got to go home and read the Bible?

SHANNON PAKU
Listen, I agree. . .Glamour Diva deserves more than your blatant objectification.

MA'A NONU
Nigga, spell objectification. Define it. Use it in a sentence. . .

TANA UMAGA
Slow yo roll, Lil T. . .he just used it in a sentence.

SHANNON PAKU
[stuttering]
Uh. . .O. . .B. . .G. . .?

MA'A NONU
Nigga, get yo Temptations listenin’ ass away from me. I don’t care what none of yall niggas say. Lil T gone tap that azz.

Out on the dance floor, GLAMOUR DIVA is looking for somebody, anybody to get her away from the PRIME MINISTER.

PRIME MINISTER
“Pfunk” by George Clinton

Make my funk the P.Funk
I want my funk uncut (make mine the P)
Make my funk the P.Funk
I wants to get funked up. (wants to get funked up)
I want the bomb, I want the P.Funk (yeah)
I want my funk uncut. (make mine the P)
Make my funk the P.Funk
I wants to get funked up.

GLAMOUR DIVA
Uh. . .I’ll be right back, I need to go to the ladies room

While the PRIME MINISTER leads the guests in a round of the “Harlem Shuffle”, GLAMOUR DIVA hurries over to the bar for a moment alone. After asking for a Amaretto Sour, the bartender brings her drink along with a Blackberry phone.

GLAMOUR DIVA
[looks at the phone, confused]
What’s this for?

BARTENDER
You have a call.

GLAMOUR DIVA
Hello. . .?

VOICE ON THE PHONE
Turn around

GLAMOUR DIVA
Who is this?
[reluctantly, she turns]

MA’A NONU is across the room, holding a companion phone to his ear, staring at her.

GLAMOUR DIVA
What do you want, Mr. Nonu?

MA’A MONU
“I wanna sex you up” by Color Me Badd

Hey, beautiful lady, I need you tonight
Lovely, lovely lady
I wanna make you feel all right, yeah
I cant deny, baby
I wanna love you down
You are so fine, baby
All I wanna do is(I wanna sex you up)
I want to sex you up
All night (girl you make me feel good)
I wanna sex you up.

GLAMOUR DIVA
[rolls her eyes, hangs up the phone]

Outside the mansion, SIONE “WAX” LAUAKI is facing off against a half dozen security officers.

SIONE “WAX” LAUAKI
“Never Scared” by Bone Crusher

So I'm outside of da house and you think I'm a puuuuuuuunk
So I go to my loaded tech 9 that's off in the truuuuuuuunk
I told yall muthafuckas
I ain't never scared (Wellington!)
I ain't never scared (Cantebury!)
I ain't never scared (Bay of Plenty!)
I ain't never scared (Auckland!)
I ain't never scared (Manawatu!)
I ain't never scared (Southland!)
I ain't never scared (Taranaki!)

Let a choppa go PLOOOOOOWWW! to yo melon
Now the plasma is oozin outta yo cerebellum
AttenSHUNNNNN! Fuck nigga, now you swellin
You ain't talkin hardcore, now is ya? Lil' bitch!
Got'em runnin scared of a... BIGGA NIGGA!
Cuz I put the heat to his ummm... HILFIGER!
Now on dat drank and on some of dat dank
Pistols gettin bursted now I need somethin to drank!!!!!!!!!!

SECURITY GUARD #1
[terrified, picks up walkie-talkie]
Uh. . .chief. . .we’re gonna need some serious back up. . .

Standing in the shadows, after having watched the entire scene, GALAXY MAFIA shakes her head, feeling sorry for the huge, misunderstood islander.


ACT TWO
Scene Five

Minutes after hanging up on MA’A NONU, GLAMOUR DIVA regrets her hasty action. She ponders her situation, thinking about all the foolishness WENTWORTH MILLER put her through, cheating on her with GABRIELLE UNION. Why, she wonders, shouldn’t she have some of that juicy, tender NONU as GALAXY MAFIA suggested? GLAMOUR DIVA picks up the Blackberry and dials the number NONU called her from.

Seconds later, NONU answers the phone.

MA’A NONU
Yeah. . .

GLAMOUR DIVA
“Say Somethin’” by Mariah Carey featuring Snoop Dogg

I'm over here
Looking at you
You're over there
Watching me, too
Both painting pictures of
Of how we'll kiss and f***!
So what we gon' do?
(So what ya gon' do? What ya gon' do?)

Tell me why we're standing here
The moment's fresh and so sincere
You've got my mind blown
And baby, I'm ready to go

But uh
If it's worth your while
Say something, say something
If it's worth your while
Say something good to me
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey
If it's worth your while
Do something good to me

THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Mr. Wrong” by Sade

He don't care
where he's been playing
he doesn't hear
a word she's saying
she's a fancy girl
so why's she staying
hanging on for
Mr. Wrong

copyright 2006. . .galaxyMafia

They stay on Nigga patrol on American roads
And when you travel abroad they got world Nigga laws
Some folks get on a plane go as they please
But I go over seas and I get over seized
London-Heathrow, me and my people
They think that illegal's a synonym for Negro
Far away places, customs agents flagrant
They think the dark face is smuggle waiting in cases
Bags inspected, now we arrested
Attention directed to contents of our intestines
Urinalysis followed by X-rays
Interrogated and detained to damn near the next day
No evidence, no apology and no regard
Even for the big American rap star ~ “Mr. Nigga”, Black On Both Sides – Mos Def

A few mornings ago, as I prepared my gourmet breakfast of grits and veggie bacon, I recalled an incident from High School. I remember it was 11th grade, Mrs. Heaske’s Healthcare Practicum class, and a group of us (who should have been busy learning how to take a patient’s vitals or how many bones are in the human body) where sitting around jaw jacking those halcyon school days away. I can’t remember how we got on the subject but one of us turned to this girl named Sandy and asked her if it was true that she was African. After recoiling in terror and bugging her eyes like a character in a Tex Avery cartoon, Sandy calmly but very haughtily informed all of us that she was not African but in fact…get this…Egyptian! Well after our eyes were sufficiently debugged, we very calmly and even more haughtily informed Sandy that last we heard, there hadn’t been a major geophysical catastrophe and that Egypt was still attached to the continent of Africa.

Young Sandy, noticing our complete discombobulation, explained that while the country of Egypt was indeed a part of the continent of Africa that people from North African countries were not the same as the rest of the continent so therefore could not be called African. When pressed to explain further what appeared to us to be nonsensical ramblings, Sandy just sighed and looked into our predominately black faces and said, “North Africans aren’t like you. We aren’t black!”

To say that I was floored, Dear Readers, would be an understatement! I’d grown up hearing my Jim Crow parents and Civil Rights Movement cousins talking about how “everybody wanna be ‘Black’ but don’t nobody wanna be black” but it never really registered with me until that day. It was even longer before I realized that black folk aren’t alone in this world when it comes to having our culture co-opted by the ruling class. Americans of African decent tend to think America invented racism and all things bigotry driven. I mean, sure we elevated that shit to an art form but we didn’t invent it and we aren’t the only people in the world still actively practicing it and being destroyed by it.

On the positive side, and yes there is always a positive side because I’m a “glass half full” type of girl, there are people around the world doing all they can do to end oppression of all kinds, particularly the white folk versus colored folk variety. So here I’ve collected a few examples of some drama being experienced by some other niggas…just to give you a little perspective and maybe, help you get off your ass and make a difference in your community and eventually the world. I’ll start with the country of New Zealand because GM and I are still so damned enthralled with the All Blacks and also because there is definitely no dearth of niggerishness going on at the (almost) bottom of the earth!

Island Niggratude, Maori Warrior Style

A Maori warrior claims new territory - Dean Hapeta and New Zealand's hip-hop subculture
UNESCO Courier, July 2000 by Kerry Buchanan

Dean Hapeta launched New Zealand's political hip-hop scene by linking the force of Maori culture with the struggle of black nationalism to fuel consciousness and controversy

"Nigger!" The biker's insult blindsided the eight-year-old boy, shattering his vision of both Maori and pakeha (white) society in Aotearoa, the original name of New Zealand. The verbal attack sharpened the boy's awareness of his society's colour lines. Afterwards, he couldn't stand the sight of his fellow Maori cast as the peaceful but subordinate native. Nor could he look up to indigenous gangs in his working-class neighbourhood of Upper Hull, outside the capital Wellington. Turning to white society, he felt oppression. So the boy began to look inward, to imagine a "new breed"--proud of his Maori past and committed to a radical break with the legacy of colonial domination.

Today, at the age of 34, Hapeta will refer to himself as "one bad nigger" in reference to his hardcore politics as a rapper. Here lies Hapeta's strength and, for some, his weakness: the ability to weave Maori culture, language and political demands--from land and fishing rights to economic equality--within the style and context of black American hip-hop. Indeed Hapeta and his group Upper Hull Posse (UHP) have influenced a generation of hip-hop bands and fans across the country. Before these "warriors" stormed the stage, Maori music was generally marginalised like an exotic trinket of the past used in the "ritual" of entertaining tourists. By rapping in their language and incorporating the sounds, values and history of their people, Hapeta and like-minded artists shatter stereotypes of what it means to be Maori.

Black Nationalism Through The Looking Glass, Ass Backwards

Health book tells Maori to smoke
09.25.05 By Amanda Cameron

Maori have every right to enjoy smoking, gambling and eating fatty foods if they want to - and Maori health workers who say otherwise are just brainwashed "house niggers".

That's according to the authors of a controversial new book on Maori health published by one of South Auckland's largest Maori health providers.

The Kotahitanga Community Trust, a taxpayer-funded charitable organisation in Counties Manukau, provides health care for more than 5000 patients - 4000 of whom are Maori.

The book, Maori Health, was co-authored by trust chairman Peter Caccioppoli and Rhys Cullen, a GP at the trust's Papakura practice and published using funds from Mr Caccioppoli's family trust.

It endorses the right of Maori to indulge in pleasurable, but unhealthy, pastimes - despite the consequences.

"Maori enjoy life. Maori like to smoke. Maori like to eat. Maori like to drink. Maori enjoy sex. Maori like to talk. Maori like to gamble and take risks. And Maori like to fight, on and off the sports field," the book says.

"If Maori enjoy it, the Crown is against it. If Maori have it and want it, the Crown tries to take it away. We support the choice of the overwhelming majority of our community to smoke. It is one way that Maori can say 'Stuff you' to the health Nazis and have a good time."

The book has been condemned by Maori health experts as dangerous and lacking credibility.

However, Mr Caccioppoli and Dr Cullen say there is no reason why young Maori should not smoke. They advise Maori to lie about their smoking habits to avoid being hassled by "health Nazis".

The pair say the health system is racist and opposes activities like smoking and eating fatty foods simply because Maori enjoy them.

Instead of expecting Maori to stop smoking or start dieting and exercising, the Ministry of Health should instead provide Maori with pills to prevent illnesses like diabetes and heart disease, they advise.

"The health system sees diabetes as a consequence of Maori being fat and lazy and not having enough willpower to do what they need to do.

"We are critical of the house niggers who preach this Pakeha message to Maori.

"The answer to diabetes is not diet and exercise but medication," the book says.

The authors declare that cervical screening "contravenes significant cultural norms" and has been imposed on Maori by Pakeha.

Anti-gambling research is "rubbish" and Maori babies do not benefit from routine childhood vaccination against diphtheria, tetanus, whooping cough and polio, they add.

"Anti-gambling research is rubbish. It can be seen as just another example of the health Nazis looking to extend their empire," the book says.

Borrowing from speeches by Malcolm X, the authors say Maori health workers who endorse Ministry of Health strategy are "house niggers" who have been brainwashed by Pakeha and kept tamed by greedy "Uncle Tom" Maori health managers.

"Beware the brown face talking of 'best practice'. It probably means 'best Pakeha practice' and is the talk of a house nigger," the book says.

The Trust received around $300,000 of Government funding last year - $60 for each of about 5000 patients - and had to rely on funds from the Lottery Grants Board and the Community Organisation Grants Scheme.

The book has been distributed widely, and stocked by Medical Books, a bookshop for doctors and medical students, and held by the New Zealand Nursing Organisation's library.

Counties Manukau District Health Board Maori health manager Bernard Te Paa pointed out that smoking, poor nutrition and insufficient physical activity were some of the main causes of Maori ill-health.

Mr Te Paa added he was disappointed at the authors' views on Maori health workers.

"It's a gross exaggeration of the role that Maori play in the mainstream health system."

Director of the Maori Smokefree Coalition, Shane Bradbrook, said the book's advice on smoking was "absolute crap" and potentially dangerous for patients.

"I'd be highly concerned if a health provider was providing that sort of advice," he said.

John Stansfield, chief executive of the Problem Gambling Foundation, called the book "self-serving nonsense", and said that gambling - especially pokie machines - visited "significant harm" on Maori.

Nikki Turner from the Immunisation Advisory Centre dismissed the book's claims about childhood vaccination as dangerous and unsubstantiated by scientific evidence.

Dr Papaarangi Reid, from the Auckland University's Faculty of Medical and Health Sciences, said much of the advice in the book defied what doctors considered "best" medical practice.

The Ministry of Health did not wish to comment.

Mr Caccioppoli said he stood by everything that was written in the book, and denied he and Dr Rhys had been deliberately controversial for publicity's sake.

Asked why he wrote the book, he said he wanted people to reconsider how Maori health was defined and how healthcare for Maori was delivered.

Mr Caccioppoli, 26, has no tertiary qualifications. Dr Cullen could not be reached for comment.

From The “Nigga Please!” Files…

Prince William charms the All Blacks
Source: AAP, 07/05/05

Glamour player Ma'a Nonu said afterwards that meeting the prince was a special moment. "Not a lot of brown brothers get to shake his hand," Nonu said.
 
"It's good to see him, especially because he's my age...seeing him on TV growing up as a boy," said the 23-year-old, who sports blond-tipped dreadlocks and is known to wear makeup on the field.
 
Nonu looked forward to seeing William at a lunch in Auckland on Tuesday to "sit down and have a chat with him just about normal stuff".
 
Asked what kind of stuff, he said: "Ladies. How many ladies he gets. Something like that."
 
Fijian-born winger Sitiveni Sivivatu did not know what the fuss over the prince was about.

[M.D.] Not strong
[T.K.] Only aggressive
[M.D.] Not free
[T.K.] We only licensed
[M.D.] Not compassionate, only polite
[T.K.] Now who the nicest?
[M.D.] Not good but well behaved
[T.K.] Chasin after death
so we can call ourselves brave?
[M.D.] Still livin like mental slaves
[both] Hidin like thieves in the night from life
Illusions of oasis makin you look twice ~ “Thieves In The Night”, Mos Def & Talib Kweli are Black Star – Black Star

There was just so much information from all over the world that I decided to make Worldwide Niggerdom a regular part of the blog. Stay nappy and happy Dear Readers! – GD


Sambo pic found here

1 Comment

ALL BLACKS: THE MUSICAL

Starring
Glamour Diva
GalaxyMafia

Wentworth Miller
Adam Rodriguez
Gabrielle Union

and

The All Blacks


ACT ONE
Scene One

In a 20,000 sq.ft. mansion in Bel Air, CA, best-selling author Glamour Diva and Wentworth Miller, star of “Prison Break” argue about their relationship. GD and Wentworth have been together for a year, and GD has only recently discovered that her boyfriend has been cheating on her with Gabrielle Union.

GLAMOUR DIVA
“Caught out there” by Kelis

Last year - Valentine's Day
You would just warmly say
“Babe I love you, love you. . .babe I swear”
Held you when you were sick
Heavin...
The whole time I think to myself, this isn't fair

WENTWORTH MILLER
“My Way” by Limp Bizkit

Special
You think you're special
You do I can see it in your eyes
I can see it when you laugh at me
Look down on me
You walk around on me
Just one more fight
About your leadership
And I will straight up
Leave your shit
Cause I've had enough of this
And now I'm pissed

GLAMOUR DIVA

What is this I see (No)
You don’t come home to me (Oh, no)
When you don’t come home to me (Man)
Can’t deal, can’t bear
You keep tellin’ me lies
But to your surprise
Look, I found her red coat
And you’re. . .bitch
Caught out there

WENTWORTH MILLER
Just one more fight
About a lot of things
And I will give up everything
To be on my own again
Free again

GLAMOUR DIVA

So sick of your games, I’ll set your ass in flames
And watch it blow up, blow up, tell me:
How you gonna see Gabby now
So far from sincere, fabrications in my ear
Drive me so far up the wall, I come slidin’ down
What is this I see (I don't believe this)
You don’t come home to me
When you don’t come home to me
I can’t deal, can’t bear (I won't)
You keep tellin’ me lies
But to your surprise
Look, I hope you're happy
Since you're
Caught out there

WENTWORTH

Just one more fight
And I'll be history
Yes I will straight up
Leave your shit
And you'll be the one who's left
Missing me

GLAMOUR DIVA
I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Aaaaah
I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
I hate you so much right now
Aaaaah

[Disgusted by what he views as GD’s pedantic behavior, WENTWORTH leaves the house]

ACT ONE
Scene Two

Across town, galaxyMafia is arguing with current flame, CSI:Miami star, Adam Rodriguez. GM has just learned that Adam has been carrying on an affair with Gabrielle Union, who was one of GM’s good friends. At least she was until the bitch pulled a Denise Richards.

GALAXY MAFIA
“Fine” by Whitney Houston

All those sweet (sweet) sweet kisses (yeah)
And those sweet (sweet) red roses (yeah)
They convinced me it was youI made you (you) exclusive (yeah)
Now it's so (now it’s conclusive that) conclusive
That you wasn’t doing it too.

ADAM RODRIGUEZ
[gives GM his trademark sexy, crooked smile]

GALAXYMAFIA
If you’d told me from the start that you’re playing around
It would have been fine…
Then I would have played too and I guess I would have had a good time.

If you’d told me from the start that you’re playing around
It would have been fine…
Then I would have played too and I guess I would have had a good time.
Something didn’t feel right, and I wish I knew itI just could not see your games
I got respect for you, and you put me through it
Why would you bring me so much pain.

ADAM RODRIGUEZ
“Ain’t No Fun” by Snoop Dogg

I had respect for you lady
But now I take it all back
Cuz you gave me all yo pu$$y
And you even licked my balls

GALAXY MAFIA
I hate you so much right now!!
I hate you so much right now!!

[Enraged by ADAM’s flippant, unrepentant attitude, galaxyMafia leaves the apartment]

ACT ONE
Scene Three

THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Love TKO” by Teddy Pendergrass

I think they better let it go
Looks like another love T.K.O.


ACT ONE
Scene Four

A month passes. Both GLAMOURDIVA and GALAXYMAFIA are both heartbroken and disappointed by their failed relationships. Even though the ladies have plenty to keep them busy with work, writing, personal appearances and (in GD’s case at least) sleeping, they still lament their respective lost loves.

One day, GLAMOUR DIVA comes across an old photo of her and WENTWORTH during happier times. At the same time, GALAXYMAFIA finds a love letter ADAM wrote to her.

Though in separate locations, the ladies both sing the same song.

GLAMOUR DIVA/GALAXYMAFIA
“Stronger than pride” by Sade

I won’t pretend that I intend to stop living
I won’t pretend, I’m good at forgiving
Oh, I can’t hate you
Though I have tried
I still really, really love you
Love is stronger than pride


ACT ONE
Scene Five

One month later, GLAMOUR DIVA is trying to pick up the pieces of her broken heart when she receives a message on her cell phone from MA’A NONU, a New Zealand rugby star who plays for the All Blacks. GD had met MA’A several months ago when she traveled to Auckland as a special guest of the ambassador to help recruit more African-Americans to the country. Upon meeting the tasty young player, GD had to restrain herself from smackin’ her lips. . .after all, everyone knows black people luvs eatin’ chicken and MA’A was a juicy, tender chicken but, GD was, at the time, totally committed to making things worth with beau, WENTWORTH MILLER. She and MA’A had secretly exchanged numbers, and MA’A had wanted her to do an “international booty call”, even going so far as sending plane tickets via overnight mail so she could join him in Kiwi-land. GD was tempted but wanted to concentrate on one man at a time.

However, with WENTWORTH seemingly out of the picture, GD found herself listening more attentively to the message MA’A left.

MA’A NONU
“Lonely Girl” by Jon B

He started out takin' you out
Doin' what any man would do
Sayin' any and everything to just get wit you
I can't say I blame him for a girl as fine as you
So he played you out, ain't no doubt
He was runnin' game on you
After all the fun he was through with you
Any way that it goes down girl, he's the one that's gonna lose

Don't cry lonely girl
If you need somebody girl
I know you feel deserted
And you can't find your way back home

I will show you girl
The way that love should feel
You ain't suppose to be hurtin'
And you don't have to be alone

Later that night, GD called GM and asked her advice

GD
Do you think I should visit Ma’a in NZ?

GM
Why not? What’s keeping you here? Certainly not that dumbfuck zebra Wentworth.

GD
Yeah but. . .Ma’a is very young.

GM
The younger they are, the juicier they are! I think it’s just what you need right now, some tender, succulent, hot chicken!

GD
I don’t know. . .I’m still so upset about what happened with Wentworth.

GM
I know. . .and I’m upset about what happened with Adam but. . .

GD
Maybe you ought to come too. You could hook up with that guy you met in that bar the last time we were down there.

GM
Who? That drunk island nigga that didn’t know how to hold his liquor? The one who was fighting?

GD
You know you like ‘em rough neck...

GM
Yeah. . .that’s true. He may be crazy as hell but he’s tall and fine and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

GD
Okay. . .so, we’re going to NZ for tender, young chickens.

GM
I’ll ask Miss Sakamoto to make the arrangements.


THE GREEK CHORUS OF ONE: MISS SAKAMOTO
“Maneater” by Hall and Oates

Oh, oh here they come
Watch out boys, they’ll chew you up
Oh, oh here they come
They some maneaters
Watch out boys, watch out boys!


copyright 2006. . .galaxyMafia