I’m not a prude,
I just want some respect
So close the door if you want me to respond
‘Cause privacy is my middle name
My last name is control
No, my first name ain’t baby,
It’s Janet... Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty
Nasty – Janet Jackson

Nas·ty |nastē|
adjective (-tier, -tiest)
Highly unpleasant, esp. to the senses; physically nauseating, repugnant to the mind; morally bad, Of a person or animal – behaving in an unpleasant or spiteful way, annoying or unwelcome, physically or mentally damaging or harmful.

Picture it – My job…today…my co-worker's office…11:30 am. I’m shooting the shit with my co-worker; let’s call her Ms. Sadie, when one of the new drivers named Red Dog (His nickname for himself, not mine) comes boppin’ in. What can I tell you about Red Dog? Well he’s tall; at least 6’3”. He’s not busted up in the face but he isn’t really my type either. I suppose the thing that bothers me most about him is all the Jesus talk he spews out of the right side of his mouth and all the sexual innuendo and double entendre he spits from the left side! This is an example from last week:

I’m in Ms. Sadie’s office, leaned over her desk, showing her how to do something on her computer. My butt is, unfortunately, turned towards the door. Red Dog walks into the office and stops short as he ogles my ass

RD: Booooy you ought to be glad I’m saved!
Ms. S: Um-hmm. Tell her she better be careful standin’ like that in this place!
Me: [Rolling my eyes] No. You ought to be glad I’M saved!

So anyway, Ms. Sadie and I are talking and he walks in. He gives me a perfunctory shoulder hug (Which I wasn’t at all upset about) then walks over to Ms. Sadie and gives her a real hug and a kiss on the cheek. That’s when I jokingly say, “Hey! I didn’t get a kiss!”

So the fool walks over to me and begins this rant about how he behaved in the past and how he’s left that old life behind and temptation this and get thee behind me Satan that and blah, blah, blah! Ms. Sadie and me are just looking at him like he’s crazy, wondering when it will all end. Finally Ms. Sadie tells him that he’s reading way too much into it and I agree with her.

All of a damn sudden…and I fuckin’ kid you not Dear Readers… He leans over and licks my cheek! YES I SAID L.I.C.K. ! Now it wasn‘t a full on Saint Bernard type lick but it was a LICK just the same and I was totally shocked and completely grossed out! Ms. Sadie just sat there and stared at him! Of course he tried to back track saying he was “Just kiddin’” but the damage had been done! Can you believe the best he could come up with is a feeble just kiddin’? Anything short of an apology recited in iambic pentameter while on bended knee quickly followed by passionate begging not to be turned in to HR is unacceptable! But all I could do was grab a paper towel from Ms. Sadie’s cabinet, wipe the remainder of his warm spittle from my possibly infected cheek and walk quietly back to my desk.

Ick as well as Eeeeeewwwwwwwwww people!

I’m nervous now Dear Readers. He’s gotten a taste of the Glamour Diva so what’s to stop him from coming back for a big, juicy bite? Ugh! Stay tuned ya’ll! – GD



Licky pic found here