I started this entry earlier this morning as I was watching Bob Ross (R.I.P.) on The Best of The Joy Of Painting but as I listened to his calming voice the piss and vinegar soon left my body and all I wanted to do was sleep. Well now I’m awake, refreshed and ready to bitch about the farkakte men in my life! So if it please the court, I give you Exhibit C in the trial of Humanity vs Idiot Men Folk (Click for Exhibits A and B ). Like to hear it, here it go…

August 30, 2006
Philipp The Idiot:
so i guess the magic is gone today
Glamour Diva:
why do you say that?
Philipp The Idiot:
because it is
Glamour Diva:
you dont want to talk to me anymore?
Philipp The Idiot:
seek immediate medical help if you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours
Glamour Diva:
you have an erection?
Philipp The Idiot:
no
Philipp The Idiot:
you?
Glamour Diva:
no
Philipp The Idiot:
then i guess we're good for now
Philipp The Idiot:
let me ask you something else
Glamour Diva:
lol you are angry because i said no sex. i lost a potential date because of that
Glamour Diva:
ask
Philipp The Idiot:
you lost a potential date? which one?
Philipp The Idiot:
i hope it was not july 22
Glamour Diva:
Why?
Philipp The Idiot:
no particular reason
Glamour Diva:
ok that was random and strange...
Philipp The Idiot:
Yes. such is life
Philipp The Idiot:
i know another joke you won't like
Philipp The Idiot:
but first let me ask you that question
Glamour Diva:
anyway, it was very sad because we had good chemistry and shared interests but when i wouldnt have sex with him right away he dumped me
Philipp The Idiot:
you won't have sex with me
Philipp The Idiot:
but what about letting me touch your boobies?
Philipp The Idiot:
well, some of the most loving people have just had enough of all the negativity
Philipp The Idiot:
it doesn't mean they don't love you anymore
Philipp The Idiot:
they just choose not to hang out with people who project negativity
Philipp The Idiot:
i obviously don't know if that was the case with your date
Philipp The Idiot:
but it's a possibility
Glamour Diva:
why cant you take the time to get to know me first? you see this what i'm talking about. this is why i stopped dating because all the men want sex right away! no one wants to spend time learning about the other person! and it is NOT negative! why is not having sex on the first date negative???? I DONT UNDERSTAND THAT MODE OF THINKING?????
Philipp The Idiot:
very simple
Philipp The Idiot:
having sex won't hurt you
Philipp The Idiot:
it will bring pleasure to the man
Philipp The Idiot:
by denying it to him, you are taking away his pleasure for no obvious benefit
Glamour Diva:
so i should have sex with any man that wants to have sex with me because it will bring him pleasure?
Glamour Diva:
are you fucking serious?
Philipp The Idiot:
well, that's the theory of love
Glamour Diva:
and i should ignore my feelings?
Philipp The Idiot:
i'm never really serious anymore
Philipp The Idiot:
it depends on what you call feelings
Glamour Diva:
so if i want a lasting relationship, if i want a husband and kids i should just ignore all that and let men use me for their pleasure?
Philipp The Idiot:
nobody can tell you what you should do
Glamour Diva:
you are!
Philipp The Idiot:
really
Glamour Diva:
you are telling me that the reason i cant get a date/cant keep a man is because i am too negative about sex!
Philipp The Idiot:
i'm just explaining to you how paradise people see it
Glamour Diva:
right...
Philipp The Idiot:
i never said you can't get a date
Glamour Diva:
ok i have to go now
Philipp The Idiot:
wow
Philipp The Idiot:
you have obligations quite late in the day
Glamour Diva:
no i just dont want to talk to you anymore. you've upset me.. have a great evening philipp!
Philipp The Idiot:
that reminds me of plato
Philipp The Idiot:
the allegory of the cave
Philipp The Idiot:
i'll get started with my work then

What, Dear Readers, in the hell was this fool flapping his gums about? If you can decipher his shit then please let me know! After that conversation I was so upset that I buzzed my friend Mauricio because I needed an older, mentally stable opinion on what had just happened. And for the record, Mauricio is not Meshugga. He can be a bit of a schnook with the ladies (and international politics) but never Meshugga! Okaaaaaay? He had this to say:

Later that same evening…
Glamour Diva:
OH MY GOD!
Mauricio:
what?
Glamour Diva:
I JUST HAD THE WORST CONVERSATION!
Glamour Diva:
oh god!
Mauricio:
what was it about?
Glamour Diva:
i silly man telling me the reason men are turned off by me is because i wont have sex with them right away and not having sex is, even if it goes against my better judgment is negative!
Mauricio:
fuck him
Mauricio:
I am getting a lot of attention by girls in ________ and ________ I dont know why
Glamour Diva:
yes...by all means lets talk ______________ instead of my stupid problems...
Mauricio:
I am chatting with a 26 year old one
Mauricio:
I respect your way of looking at things
Glamour Diva:
well thanks.
Mauricio:
I am surprised at this streak of youngish women declaring her interest
Mauricio:
maybe they think I am rich
Glamour Diva:
i suppose. okay i have to go
Mauricio:
bye
Glamour Diva:
i need your help and you arent helping! i need you!
Mauricio:
ask specifically
Mauricio:
I will try to help
Mauricio:
shoot
Glamour Diva:
whats wrong with me?
Mauricio:
nothing
Mauricio:
u are principled
Glamour Diva:
then why am i not in a relationship?
Mauricio:
cause almost nobody is principled
Glamour Diva:
great.
Mauricio:
I advise a little relaxation from u
Mauricio:
just a tiny bit
Glamour Diva:
thats not fair. you get to _______ AND _______ and i'm still single? that is so wrong!
Glamour Diva:
and i am relaxed!
Glamour Diva:
just because i'm upset right now doesn’t mean i'm not relaxed with a man!
Glamour Diva:
JEEEEZ!
Mauricio:
I meant relax your principles
Mauricio:
not your behavior
Glamour Diva:
so i should fuck married men, fuck on the first date, drink, smoke, have a good time and not worry about things?
Mauricio:
_________________________________
Glamour Diva:
i know you arent but still its not fair
Mauricio:
I didnt say that
Mauricio:
you have to generate options
Mauricio:
where should u go to find individuals whose thoughts and wants are similar or at least complementary of yours
Glamour Diva:
good question
Mauricio:
u must answer that question
Mauricio:
among others
Glamour Diva:
well i have tried. nothing works.
Mauricio:
thats not so
Glamour Diva:
no?
Mauricio:
u havent given a good thought to these issues
Glamour Diva:
i havent?
Mauricio:
u havent
Mauricio:
u got more than enough gray matter to generate the option I mentioned
Mauricio:
ask yourself why u havent tried hard enough'
Glamour Diva:
well i must say, i like your approach. its not the usual passive aggressive, "you'll find the right guy one day" bullshit
Mauricio:
u wont find anything if u dont fight for it
Mauricio:
tu nina
Glamour Diva:
i'm a girl?
Mauricio:
si
Mauricio:
nina
Mauricio:
grande de tamano
Mauricio:
nina en muchas cosas
Glamour Diva:
what is tamano? i'm a girl in many things?
Mauricio:
size
Mauricio:
a big sized little girl
Glamour Diva:
a little girl in a woman's body?
Mauricio:
yes a big body
Mauricio:
thats what u r
Mauricio:
and brainy too
Glamour Diva:
a smart little girl in a big woman's body?
Mauricio:
EXACTLY
Glamour Diva:
LOL
Glamour Diva:
ok. i can accept that
Mauricio:
a smart principled little girl in a big woman's body
Mauricio:
now it is complete
Glamour Diva:
LOL

Dear Mauricio, you may be an old horn dog but you really know how to make a woman feel special!


In the immortal words of Michael Corleone, just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in! – GD