In this new column, galaxyMafia will share actual, authentic IM transcripts between herself and the various men she allowed to buy her dinner and flowers and other nice things before she got totally and irrevocably bored with their lame, candy asses and stopped returning their phone calls.

“Massages, football and why Bill White ain’t got nothing to worry about!” In which galaxyMafia and some guy named Demetrus, who actually was quite a nice looking fellow, take their chances with fast food.

d_demetrus_a: what up?
galaxyMafia: hello
d_demetrus_a: what happened to your call nuggah?
d_demetrus_a: lol
d_demetrus_a: im upset now
d_demetrus_a: lol
galaxyMafia: i was so tired when I got home last night. . .sorry
d_demetrus_a: yea yea yea and i could have given you a massage all over and kiss you from top to bottom and evrywhere in between BUT you didnt want to see me last night.
d_demetrus_a: are u at work?
galaxyMafia: no. . .I'm at home for a minute. . .massage all over? yeah right? like you know what to do with your hands? HA HA
d_demetrus_a: i KNOW what to do w/ my hands, lips and tongue.
d_demetrus_a: now.. take THAT!
galaxyMafia: yeah, that's what you claim. . .but do you have any supporting evidence. HAAAAAAAA
d_demetrus_a: i have some evidence.. not to incriminating.. but if you see this evidence, you will say that im guilty of being a freak.. you aint ready to send me to trial like that.
d_demetrus_a: are u?
galaxyMafia: no. . .I just want to play pool. . .maybe tackle you in football. . .ha ha
d_demetrus_a: http://photos.yahoo.com/drunkorhigh
d_demetrus_a: that is cool.. we can just shoot pool and just beat in Football.
galaxyMafia: now. . .why do you have these photos of yourself on the internet. . .what happens if you decide to run for mayor and somebody gives them to the media. . .
d_demetrus_a: well, i wont run for mayor.. i might design some major buildings soon but nothing as to where i have to be in spotlight sweetie. im not cut for politics or stardom!
d_demetrus_a: but i understand what you are tryna say.. i was young when i did this.. lol 3 yrs ago..
d_demetrus_a: but mentally young i guess.
galaxyMafia: ha ha. . .you never know. . .
galaxyMafia: yeah, i understand
d_demetrus_a: anyway.. give me about 3 secs..
d_demetrus_a: well, i will cross bridge when i get to it.. at least i would have all the women's votes.. and women outnumber the men! :))
galaxyMafia: you are crazy. . .

And then, lo and behold. . .
A few days later, well after midnight, this mofo took galaxyMafia to the Whataburger on the Southwest Freeway and he actually had the temerity to allow her to pick any item from the menu that she wanted! How charitable of him, eh? The wanker picked one of those artery-clogging triple meat monster combos and GM chose her all-time Whataburger favorite, a #8, which consists of two breaded chicken planks, toast with white gravy, French fries and a medium drink. Not that she remembers exactly but, it is highly likely that GM chose a Dr. Pepper.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. . .
As they sat at a rectangular table near the window, the mofo and GM, who had never before in her life dined in at a Whataburger (and never will again, if she has her druthers, which she most often does not) joked about how they would hide under the tables if the place got robbed.

Not that you care but. . .
In a bitter twist of ironic fate, three days later, that same Whataburger was hit up by three masked men armed with semi-automatics just seconds at midnight. They locked all of the customers and employees in the freezer and made off with all the money from the cash registers, the safe and the customers, whose wallets they had collected upon entering the establishment.

And they woulda got married and had six kids except that. . .
GM’s fledging relationship with this dumbf**k didn’t fair well. He was petulant and selfish and begrudged GM for not returning his phone calls. When GM thinks about this guy, she recalls two things: 1) the naked photos of himself on the Internet that he showed her which proved that he was, indeed, quite well endowed and 2) that if she’d gone to Whataburger with him three days later, she would have had a much better story to tell.


Copyright 2006 – galaxyMafia. . .is not quite sure both those nude photos might still be out there somewhere just in case your interested! In this new column, galaxyMafia will share actual, authentic IM transcripts between herself and the various men she allowed to buy her dinner and flowers and other nice things before she got totally and irrevocably bored with their lame, candy asses and stopped returning their phone calls.