Well, y’all, it depends on which sports hack you get to spin the tale.

Here’s the headline on Yahoo!Xtra: Rugby: TIALATA SURVIVES COMEBACK MATCH

Comeback match. . .? Where did he come back from. . .? From KFC. . .? From eating corn beef and taro with his sister (and freakish look-alike) Noyah. . .?

They act like the boy’s been gone for years, as though he’s been training for his moment in the sun, again, in some basement with Burgess Meredith, or something.

Contrastingly, over at the official All Blacks website, you’ll find, TIALATA SHINES IN LIONS’ WIN.

Now, that’s the All Blacks putting a nice coat of gloss on their “prized pig” as Ms. GD likes to call him.

The Yahoo! article describes Tialata’s play as “impressive”; the All Blacks website credits him with having “deft” passing skills – and they use the word deft twice – so which is it? Impressive, or deft? What’s the difference? And does it matter. . .?

Maybe it would matter if this were a normal game for Tialata, and not one in which he was desperately trying to save his ass.

Yeah, Yeah. . .Tialata tore da roof off tha motha. . .

But, you see, he had to, he had no choice. . .he knew he had to protect his spot on the World Cup team. Tialata had to play like the souls of his unborn hapa (half-Samoan/half-white) children were at stake. . .or risk losing his place to that brash, KFC-lovin’ upstart, John Schwalger.

After Tialata was unceremoniously knocked tha fcuk out by Newland – to the delight of rugby fans all over who celebrated his concussion – galaxyMafia is quite certain that Darth Siddous and his council of Sith lords. . .

Oh, wait. . .forgive galaxyMafia, she meant to say, she is quite certain that. . .Graham Henry and his assistant coaches and selectors called a secret emergency special session to assess Tialata’s condition. . .that is, to determine if tha n!gga had lost any value, if he would still be useful to them. . .

So. . .Tialata did what all ‘Nesian rugby players HAVE to do when they get hurt. . .

He proved to the All Blacks PTB that he was worthy of being on the RWC squad, that they hadn’t made the wrong decision, that they didn’t need to kick him to the curb and take up with Schwalger. . .

Because Tialata may love him some taro but, he ain’t just another dumb, corn-beef eatin’ hamo. He knew his situation was different from the situation of another big prop who we’ll call. . .how about. . .Greg Sommerville!!

Peep dis. . .

Tialata and Greg Sommerville have a few things in common. . .

1) they’re both hover up there around 6ft, and
2) they’re both sacks of frozen lard, nearly 300 pounds, and
3) they’re both “versatile” props, able to play either tighthead or loosehead

But, there is one crucial, important difference between the two pumpkin-head, mountainous men, and we all know what it is. . .

Tialata is Samoan; ergo, it doesn’t matter that he proved himself a worthy, talented prop all during the Super 14, and those AB tests (gM forgets where they were). . .it doesn’t matter that he turned down a very lucrative deal with France to re-sign with the NZRU for what probably amounts to a few shekels of silver. . .

When Tialata got knocked out, he still had to prove he would be advantageous to the RWC team. That’s why he was flown to the capital from the AB training ground to play in the Wellington game against Tasman. Because Ted & Co wanted to see some returns on their investment, if you will.

Keep in mind, Mr. Sommerville (or, is that Greg’s father?) wasn’t sent to play.

And this is the same Sommerville who went down like the Titanic light years ago in South Africa with an injury to his Achilles heel that kept him out of match play (which the selectors say is so crucial in determining if a player is fit for the squad) for all of Super 14 and the recent AB tests.

And yet, the council of Sith lords. . .uh, the AB selectors still kept a spot open for Sommerville, denying Schwalger the right to play in France.

Sommerville hasn’t had to play in any ANZC games. . .

Because he doesn’t have to prove himself. . .because he ain’t no ‘Nesian. And folks are starting to scratch their heads about this. . .Tialata has to play but Sommerville doesn’t? What’s up with that?

Well, listen to Darth Maul. . .uh, Steve Hansen, try to explain this ish. . .

"I guess a lot of people would suggest why haven't we done it with Greg Somerville," [Hansen] said. "Greg has been able to train right through for a long time, apart from 10 days with his eye. He as well came through yesterday (versus the Barbarians) well. And we just didn't feel he needed the game as much as (Tialata)."

Huh. . .?

OK, lemme see if I got this. . .a man who hasn’t had any serious, quality match or test play since the beginning of 2006 (and it’s damn near 2008) plays well in some candy ass mock rugby game against a group of wusses (the Barbarians) who were too star struck to give the players any real competition and you say that’s enough to convince you he’s right for the team. . .??

Steve Hansen, you ain’t R. Kelly. . .don’t piss on me and call it rain, okay?

Anyway, did Tialata shine, or survive?

The ABs, of course, are going to dress this pig up and put lip gloss on it but, I think Yahoo!Xtra: Rugby was on point. . .because Tialata was, indeed, fighting for his seat on the plane bound for Paris!

copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia will back with more on Neemia's ear! And poor Nonu! But, she's got other ish to do so. . .