NAME: Rocco DiSpirito

AGE: 39

HEIGHT: Not sure but. . .he looks to be a foot taller than Ashanti

WEIGHT: Not sure

WHY SUSHI SHOULD BE EATEN OFF HIM: Because of those warm brown eyes and those perfect (and I do mean parfait) teeth!!! Ooohhh. . .bite my neck already why doncha!

ON WHAT PART OF HIS BODY SHOULD YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: His neck. You need to get as close as possible to that mouth!

WHERE SHOULD YOU BE WHEN YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM:
(Now here's a cliche I know you'll enjoy) In the kitchen, where else!

WHEN SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: After he smiles at you! Awwww (ack!)

HOW SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM:
Forget the forks and knives and spoons and good table manners. . .put your elbows on his stomach. . .use your fingers. . .and keep at least one eye open!

PROPENSITY FOR VIOLENCE: Very low. . .well, then again, he is Italian. . .

STALKER QUOTIENT: -5.86

SHOULD/COULD/WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR HIM:
You should quit your job for him. After all, he's a rich, handsome chef so he'll keep ya rollin in the chedda (gratituous food allusion intended)! Why work when you can lay around and let him lick tiramisu off your navel. . .and gelato off, you know, other parts of your body. . .

IS HE WORTH FIGHTING A SYPHLLITIC CRACK WHORE OVER (or some other type of person like that. You can make up another stereotype)?
Possibly. . .but, only if she has no visible open puss-like sores.

IF HE SHOWED UP AT YOUR DOOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A BAG FULL OF STOLEN BEARER BONDS AND A TEFLON COATED 9MM SLUG IN HIS CHEST, WOULD YOU. . .CALL THE COPS? DIG THE BULLET OUT? SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? GRAB THE BEARER BONDS AND THEN SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? OTHER?
Well, a bullet in the chest would probably require me opening his chest to get the bullet out, and as any doctor worth his Hippocratic oath will tell you, when you have to open the chest, the bloke is as good as dead, mate, and really not worth yer trouble. . .so, seeing as I am usually strapped fer cash, I'd take the bonds then slam the door in his face. . .but, I would miss him terribly and sob really, really hard all the way to the Cayman Islands where bankers ask no questions. . .

WOULD YOU HELP HIM LAUNDER SOUTH AFRICAN KUGGERANDS?
Bien sur! I have been waiting all my freakin LIFE to launder South African Kuggerands!

So. . .ya think yer wanna eat sushi off Rocco. . .? Well, the delightful part of that equation is, he can actually make the sushi that you eat off him. . .spooky!!

Before I go, here's a tip:
Check out Rocco's book "Flavor" at your local Barnes and Noble (where I currently function as a lowly serf). Trust me, you shall salivate (cliche intended). . .just remember to wip yer drool off the damn book when you finish.