NAME: Ron Corning

AGE: Over 21…Under 40

HEIGHT: Dunno

WEIGHT: Dunno

WHY SUSHI SHOULD BE EATEN OFF HIM: Well let’s see…other than the fact that he’s cute as a button I would say that after I eat sushi off him I could stare into his dreamy hazely green eyes and listen to him talk all hot and sexy to me about current news events. Mmm…mmm…mmmmmm!

ON WHAT PART OF HIS BODY SHOULD YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: From those beautiful lips!

WHERE SHOULD YOU BE WHEN YOU EAT THE SUSHI OFF HIM: Under his desk at World News Now.

WHEN SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: Just before he goes on the air.

HOW SHOULD YOU EAT SUSHI OFF HIM: Slowly and with as much attention to detail as possible!

PROPENSITY FOR VIOLENCE: Very low. I sense a little metrosexual in him so I don’t think he’d “go medieval on your ass” unless you used the last of his hair gel five minutes before showtime.

STALKER QUOTIENT: -3.06 (increases exponentially if you use his hair gel five minutes before showtime)

SHOULD/COULD/WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR HIM: Don’t quit your job yet! Wait until he’s taken over for Peter Jennings at World News Tonight. You may have to do a Lady Macbeth to get rid of Jennings. That old coot ain’t leaving until he stops breathing!

IS HE WORTH FIGHTING A BAND OF MARAUDING, NUNCHAKUS BRANDISHING REPUBLICANS LEAD BY THE VATICAN’S FULL SYNOD OF BISHOPS ON HORSEBACK WIELDING SOLID GOLD COPIES OF CANON LAW SHARPENED TO REALLY SCARY POINTS? Well this is where his being a reporter would come in handy! His sources would tell him when and where those hateful Republicans and Bishops were planning to strike. We’d take all necessary precautions then settle back into a long, luxurious night of sushi eating…

IF HE SHOWED UP AT YOUR DOOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A BAG FULL OF STOLEN BEARER BONDS AND A TEFLON COATED 9MM SLUG IN HIS CHEST, WOULD YOU. . .CALL THE COPS? DIG THE BULLET OUT? SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? GRAB THE BEARER BONDS AND THEN SLAM THE DOOR IN HIS FACE? OTHER? Oh I would so grab the bonds and slam the door in his face! It might sound harsh but at that moment he is absolutely of no use to me. Can’t eat sushi off a dying man now can you? That’s what I thought…

WOULD YOU HELP HIM LAUNDER SOUTH AFRICAN KUGGERANDS? Oooooo Weeeeeee!!! I would sho-nuff love to have his bronzed, naked body under…I mean NEXT to me while I shine up those pretty gold coins! My body is, once again, all a-tingle just thinking about it!

Before you think I’m a complete weirdo for drooling over a news anchor check out Ron’s MSN group. Maybe I should start calling him LL Cool R (Ladies Love Cool Ron)? Sorry LL! – GD