. . .she still like her Big Ben. . .
Yes. . .'tis true. In these chaotic days in which we find ourselves, where Wentworth Miller is an obsession that cannot be stopped, contained or even remotely understood, galaxyMafia must stay true to herself (even that means that no one will give a flying rat's ass about her post. . .'cause it don't mention The Pretty) and stay committed to her (recently denounced) soul mate, that Cadillac-drivin' fugga, Benny A.
Yeah, yeah. . .he's got a baby mama now and he's dragging that ball and chain behind him but, galaxyMafia still remembers the reason she was so fond of Mr. Affleck. . .
The height. . .you had me at 6"3 Ben. . .(sniff). . .you had me at 6"3. . .
AND IF YA DON'T KNOW. . .NOW YA KNOW. . .Question is, do ya care? Probably not but, anyway, without further ado about nothin', galaxyMafia presents her favorite Ben Affleck movies.
#12 - Bounce - A snooze fest staring Ben and his then squeeze Fishstick Paltrow. I don't remember much except this cheesy courtroom scene.
#11 - Paycheck - Silly movie. And probably not the way Phil Dick intended it. That's what happens when you die and your greedy, heartless family sells off all the rights to your intellectual property.
#10 - Forces of Nature - Okay, it's nearly impossible to fudge it up with "Queen of the Romantic Comedy" Sandra Bullock as your co-star but. . .our boy Ben manages to fudge it up, and how. Despite being tall and dashing, romantic comedy does not suit Ben well. . .I suppose it's because we don't buy him as a hopeless romantic. . .or, maybe the fugga can't act. . .whatever.
#9 - Armageddon - Now, I may have spelled that wrong, so sue my ass! Whatever. In this flick, Ben plays an off shore rigger in love with Bruce's Willis' daughter, played by Liv Tyler. In the end, Bruce takes Ben's place and dies for him (I ain't time to expound, you need to rent the damn movie!).
#8 - Pearl Harbor - Now, it's nearly impossible to fudge up a 100 million dollar Jerry Bruckheimer production, right? Well, it's not impossible when your name is Ben Affleck. The story is basically this - Ben fights the Japs, Ben steals best friend Josh Harnett's girl, Josh dies, Ben lives. Ben had sighed a deal for a % of the gross but, there wasn't much of a gross so. . .
Interestingly, Josh Harnett's career is in the toilet, too. Call it the curse of Pearl Harbor. See what happens when you try to fuck with the Japanese???
#7 - Changing Lanes - This was a doozy. Ben and Sam Jackson try to run each other off the damn road. It was supposed to be a cautionary tale about the horrors and sociological effects of road rage. What it really was: a black dude and a white dude caught up in some ignut shit that could have been avoided if one of them would have just used an indicator!
#6 - Jersey Girl - This is the movie Kevin Smith re-shot because Bennifer (Part I) busted up. The best part? In the movie, Ben's little girl screams, "I hate you!". Ben screams back, "I hate you too, you little shit! You and your mother ruined my life and I want it back!" Classic. So classic!
#5 - Sum of All Fears - Ben as Tom Clancy's super agent, Jack Ryan. Clancy claims Ben was the guy he had in mind when he first wrote Ryan in the early 80s. Too bad Ben was only ten years old!!!! Still, Ben speaks Russian!!
#4 - Daredevil - Ben in a red leather suit. Sounds a tad gay but, he pulls it off. This is the movie where he cheated on Jenny 1 (Jennifer Lopez) with Jenny 2 (Jennifer Garner). That fugga was gonna get a damn Jennifer if it killed him, huh?
#3 - Reindeer Games - Ben's an ex-con who pretends to be his cell mate after the cell mate is killed. . .I won't tell the plot but it's double cross, triple cross. . .and the best line? When Ben says, "I want some goddamn hot chocolate. . .and some pecan pie!". I got ya hot chocolate, honey. Pour me into a mug, sip me real slow 'cause otherwise I'll burn ya tongue, okaaay!!
#2 - Boiler Room - Ben's only on for a few minutes but he makes the most of everyone as Jim Young, a trainer for a crooked investent firm. I love it when he tells the new recruits: "If you want vacation, go be a goddamn third grade teacher! Your friends don't like it? Fuck 'em! Fuck them!"
And coming in at #1 - Chasing Amy - You've got Ben trying to convince a lesbian to love him, Ben screaming and crying like a lovesick bitch in the rain, Jason Lee as comic relief! Why, oh why haven't I bought this movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!