Candy Hearts Full Of Randomness

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
It’s that time of year again and while I’m not as steadfastly against it as galaxyMafia, I do liken Valentine’s Day to a chocolate éclair – scrumptious but full of empty calories. Why wait for one day a year to throw wilted, over priced roses and meaningless trinkets at our loved ones? I say V-Day should be used for the grand gesture-My own private Idaho…er, I mean island somewhere in the Pacific, a burlap sack full of loose diamonds (ten karats each) or a naked Wentworth Miller AND Dominic Purcell tied with a big, red, strategically placed bow! That’s what I’m talking about baby!

So if the Marketing Orcs have you feeling sad because you don’t have a significant other or even sadder because your current significant other doesn’t have the sense God gave a Billy goat (or Nanny goat as the case may be), stop wasting your time Wookin Pah Nub and try wookin pah:

Divine Love
Try these mantras to open yourself up the divine love of the Universe!

Aham Prema
Ah-hahm PREH-mah
I am Divine Love

Om Oarama Prema Rupaya Namaha
Om PAH-rah-mah PREH-mah Roo-PAH-yah Nah-mah-hah
Om and salutations to Supreme Divine Love that manifests in a form

Taken from Healing Mantras and Shakti Mantras by Thomas Ashley-Farrand
via Yoga Journal Magazine

The Re-Blackenization Of Glamour Diva and galaxyMafia

So Saturday was Ms. GD’s birthday and it was blessedly uneventful…for the most part. You’d think that a grown woman would be able to choose how she spent her birthday right? Wrong! Mama Diva had other plans. I was guilted into attending my old high school friend’s baby’s first birthday party. It was a stone gas as you can imagine…

So in rides GM to save what was left of the day by generously treating me to dinner and a movie! And oh my what a movie it was Dear Readers. The name of the movie is Something New
starring Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker (of “The Guardian” fame). It’s about a subject that is near and dear to our hearts here at Sex and the Sushi-feeling guilty about dating white men then throwing our hands up in despair and giving in to the inevitability of it all because all the black men we think we might get along with are already dating white women. It’s a cute movie so catch it before it slides on in to video. So let’s jump right in and get the stereotypes and sweeping generalizations out of the way…shall we?

GM and I knew we were in for something new [heh] when we walked into the smallest multiplex theater we had even walked into! How small you ask? Well there are art house theaters larger than the one we where in and none of them have ever been so full of black people! That’s right I said it! The small theater was filled to the rafters with the decedents of Africans and a sprinkling of Latinos with just a hint of white folks! Mmmmm, delicious!

You will also be glad to know Dear Readers that segregation is alive and well and dwells in movie previews. We saw five, count’em, F.I.V.E movie previews that featured ALL black casts engaging in what I can only suppose is ALL black “stuff”. Unfortunately I can only remember four and they are:

Block Party
Madea’s Family Reunion

Now I’m not stupid. I understand marketing toward your viewership but this was ridiculous! Was Brokeback Mountain marketed only toward homosexuals? Was Chicago marketed only toward those who enjoy a good song and dance or are old enough to remember the time period? Was March of the Penguins marketed only toward those who like wildlife? I think not Dear Readers! While Madea’s Family Reunion may only appeal to a select few, Block Party, ATL and Idlewild, with their Hip Hop edge, will most assuredly appeal to many of the hip and happening young white kids in the suburbs. Give me a damn break Marketing Orcs!

Now on to the fascinating experience of sitting in a theater with 99.9% black people watching a 99.9% “black” movie…Wow! I swear I felt like Margaret Mead! To misquote David Byrne, “This is not MY beautiful black experience!”

This is a PG-13 movie right? So why were there little kids running in and out of the theater, hollin’ ass kids who only hollered during vital pieces of dialog and a newborn baby loudly cooing, gurgling and being nursed in the seat next to me? Oh and black folk really do talk all during the movie! And they crack jokes that Ms. GD and galaxyMafia don’t understand!

You see, by the black community’s standards GM and I are only about 45% black. We don’t head down south for big ass family reunions every summer (in part because we are already down south. Our families toughed out Slavery and Jim Crow and here we remain), we don’t belong to predominantly black churches, we didn’t attend historically black universities, we don’t belong to any black greek organizations (AKA, Zeta Phi Beta, Sigma Gamma Rho, etc.), and we don’t engage in a host of other “black” things which are far too numerous to list here. Most of the stuff we like is considered to be “white” stuff like foreign films, Indian food, Fiona Apple, Opera, using proper grammar and diction, European vacations and not talking back to the movie screen, just to name a few. But I’ll tell ya Dear Readers, blackness is contagious. We were only twenty minutes into the movie before we were talking and hollin’ and cracking jokes all up in there! When we left the movie we felt at least 85% black but I think I’m slipping. When I got home I watched my season two Queer As Folk DVDs and listened to my Suzanne Vega- A Retrospective CD. And I still don’t know how to do the Electric Slide or the Harlem Shuffle. Ssshhh! Don’t tell anyone or my black card will be revoked!

Not As Good As Stilton But Better Than Velveeta

Ah! What would Valentine’s Day be without celebrities waxing poetic about, what else, VALENTINE’S DAY!!!! So click here to enjoy the extra-creamy dairy goodness of television’s hottest celebrities and their best/worst Valentine’s Day remembrances. Oh yeh, here’s a particularly lactose intolerance inducing quote from my favorite celebrity, Wentworth Miller aka The Pretty!

"I once gave someone who was going cross-country a clock. I set the time to where I was, so that when I called we would look at the clock and always be together at the exact same time.''

Mooooo! [Sorry but cheese doesnt make a sound]

If someone did give Ms. GD a sack full of diamonds she’d keep a handful for herself (A Sista gotta pay off those student loans and get her house remolded before it falls in on her head ya know) and give the rest to the people in South Africa who actually dig up the diamonds so they can finally give that dastardly, modern day slaver DeBeers the finger and leave the filth and squalor of their shanty towns so they can live a life full of grace and independence! On second thought, DeBeers would probably just import a passel of Mexicans to work the mines. I’m sure that in the eyes of the good overseers at DeBeers their lives are almost as cheap. Right? Happy Un-Valentines Day! – GD

2 comments so far.

  1. anybody 9:31 PM, February 16, 2006
    Belated un-VDay smooches to the two of you!
  2. sueli 11:38 PM, February 19, 2006
    I'm not much of a fan of Valentine's Day unless lots of chocolate truffles are involved.

    How was the movie? It is one I am planning on seeing.

    The two times I had a similar movie experience was when I had gone to see The Negotiator and, years later, Empire. Who takes toddlers and newborns to Empire, I ask you? [Answer: Other Mexicans, apparently.]

Something to say?