Will you be my Valentine. . .?

Category: , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!!!!!!!

GalaxyMafia has all the reason in the world to loathe and despise Valentine's Day which, as Lucy Van Pelt once theorized, is nothing more than a marketing gimmick dreamed up by Hallmark and American Greetings and the poor farmers who chose to grow roses instead of coca leaves in South America (RIP Pablo Escobar. . .no matter what atrocities you committed, in the end, you didn't deserve to be treated like a beached whale).

Now, galaxyMafia could tell you why she doesn't like Valentine's day (the sappy, mushy couples clingling on to each other for dear life who clog up all the restaurants and prevent you from having that chicken fried chicken you were craving. . .the lame, insincere pink and red cards spewing tripe about soulmates and loving each other forever. . .galaxyMafia could go on and often does but she will stick in a cork in it for now) but that would be obvious so, on this Valentine's Day, she'll give you two very spectacular reasons to embrace Cupid.

Reasons why Dominic Purcell would make an excellent Valentine this Valentine's
Day. . .

1. He's got a hit TV show. . .which means he can afford to go to Harry Winston instead of Kay Jewelers for that multi-carat diamond tennis bracelet.

2. He's got a giant watermelon head!! I mean, just look at the size of that thing. Ladies, if ya know like I know. . .you should step to this. A large head is good for more things than just photographing very well!

3. He's married. . .now, that one may surprise you but, think of it this way: You ain't gotta worry about the fool falling in love and wanting to hem you up in matrimony. With four crumb-snatchers, he really can't afford to leave his wife.

Reasons why Eddie Cibrian would make an excellent Valentine this Valentine's Day. . .

1. Dimples, dimples and more damn dimples! No matter what you're going through, a dimpled smile can always make it better!!

2. He's got a hit TV show. . .which means he can take you to that island in the Indian Ocean instead of to Jamaica where it's teeming with fat, pale Europeans and where you're more likely to get jacked by some disgruntled, disenfranchised Rasta.

3. He's Cuban. . .which means the fugga's got a little Castro in him. Ladies, in some places (i.e. the bedroom), dictator is not a dirty word!!

Have a great Valentine's Day ladies, and don't let Cupid scam you into thinking you need a man to make you happy. The truth is, to be happy, you need massive amounts of disposable income and the ability to liquify your assets quickly!

Copyright 2005. . .galaxyMafia. . .ain't gonna ever fall in love with a fugga but, she is not opposed to spawning with him!

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