WARNING: This post may contain comments that you might find racist and/or inflammatory. However, galaxyMafia has already told you guys she’s a racist so it shouldn’t come as much of a shock.

Now, with that out of the way.

Picture it (as Sophia Pertrello on “Golden Girls” would say): Houston. Five minutes after ten p.m. GalaxyMafia is in her comfy bathrobe, lamenting another bland, blasé meal she’d overcooked, and watching the news, something she regularly forgets not to do.

As galaxyMafia stands spellbound in front of the television, trying to fathom what the Sam Hill is going on, she sees video of tons and tons of Hispanic kids marching up and down the street, holding up signs and chanting La Raza! At first, galaxyMafia wonders if it is Puerto Rican Pride Day but, then she doesn’t see any PR flags and she remembers she isn’t in New York, and furthermore, it isn’t June.

The reporter explains the scene. Turns out the chicos and chicas are skipping class to protest HR 4437, an immigration reform bill created by Wisconsin Republican James Sensenbrenner that would essentially force illegal immigrants to earn their damn keep. As the kids practice what they learned in Civics class, two nerdy Hispanic boys watch. Instead of HR 4437,
they want the DREAM Act to be passed. What the hell is the DREAM ACT? Well, galaxyMafia is glad you want to know because you just might have to go to the polls and block it.

Hey now, hey now. . .don’t dream, it’s over. . .

DREAM Act stands for Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors.

It applies to those brought to the U.S. more than five years ago when they were 15 years old or younger, who graduate from high school and have good moral characters.

The measure grants them conditional residency. They are given six years to live in the United States legally. During those six years, they can work and go to college, or into the military (which is another reason to squash this bill).

Then, permanent residency and citizenship could follow.

Okay, galaxyMafia has a few problems with this so-called DREAM Act but what boggles her mind is the “good moral character” requirement. Who the hell is going to determine “good moral character”? What the hell is the criterion for “good moral character”? Character is hard to measure so it’s probably damn near impossible to legislate. Does “good moral character” mean that the kid doesn’t smoke or drink or have sex? That he or she goes to church, helps old ladies across the street and rescues kittens from trees? As GD would say, any monkey in a tuxedo could do that, and probably already has with much better results.


Don’t bother adjusting your T.V. sets, folks. The picture is that screwed up.

In the news segment, a young Hispanic boy who we’ll call Luis describes himself as an A student in the top ten percent of his class who takes AP courses and wants to be a rocket scientist. Seriously folks, he wants to major in Aerospace Engineering when he goes to college. Luis’s mother brought him to America when he was a baby. He is hoping the DREAM ACT is passed because, as he puts it, “It's not my fault I was brought into the country. Why should I have to pay for decisions that were made before I was even born?”

Now, maybe it’s just me but a smart cholo like Luis should recognize his own faulty logic. Newsflash Luis – none of us are at fault, or can be blamed for the actions our parents made on our behalf when we were children. Michelle Kwan’s parents had her practicing double axels when she was three years old. Tom Brady’s dad had him playing pee wee football. And do we need to mention Tiger and that Machiavellian father of his, Earl Woods? The man who sired golf’s number one player has admitted that when El Tigre was born, he decided that the tyke was going to be the number one golf player and thus began to set things in motion to make sure that prophesy was fulfilled. Michelle has never won a gold in the Olympics but, have you ever heard her say: “Why should I have to try to win a gold medal in the Olympics? My parents started me ice skating, I didn’t choose it.” Tom and Tiger have yet to utter similar complaints.

Luis also complains that as an illegal alien, he can’t work in the United States so, unless he becomes a citizen, he can forget about flying to the moon and playing amongst the stars. He’s already received a $20,000 dollar scholarship from the University of Texas and has been accepted into their prestigious engineering program.

Is galaxyMafia the only one bothered by the fact that a state-funded university is giving monetary scholarships to illegal aliens? Isn’t that illegal? And furthermore, why the hell are illegal aliens even allowed to go to public school. If mom and dad are illegal, then they don’t pay taxes, which means, in essence, that junior goes to school for free and you get to pay for it.

Another thing galaxyMafia wonders is this – if Luis is so damn determined to be a rocket man, why didn’t his mother take the necessary steps to help him gain his citizenship a long time ago. He’s been in America for seventeen years! Was he concerned about becoming a citizen when he was twelve? Or, is it the cash that UT’s about to pony up that has him on fire to pledge his allegiance to the United States of Amerikkka?

If Luis wants to be a citizen, there are procedures he can follow, and steps he can take to accomplish that goal. But, that would require time and patience and learning a bunch historical dates about the Revolutionary War, and galaxyMafia gets the feeling Luis ain’t down for all that. Luis and his fellow hermanos want to push the big, red EASY button and then poof! Instant citizenship.

I hope and pray that I will but today I am still just a bill. . .

Listen, galaxyMafia is pretty sure that this Sensenbrenner dude would just as soon as drag her from the pack of his truck than look at her but, she agrees with him on this particular issue.

Illegal immigration has gotten out of hand, and illegal immigrants have gotten haughty, uppity and they seem to have developed some nasty entitlement issues. Apparently, they think that just because they made it into this country without getting their ass shot off by a border guard or some trigger happy militia member that they deserve a generous helping of citizenship handed to them on a platter with some chips and salsa on the side.

Illegal immigrants cost taxpayers millions, they don’t contribute to our economy and they seem determined not to learn how to speak English. America seems to cater to these teeming masses. Look around you and you’ll find signs in English and in Spanish. When you call your bank, you press a button for English and one for Spanish. This is ludicrous! And virtually all job postings want someone bilingual. Why is this done? For Spanish speaking folks. But, I’m in Texas. Not Mexico. Why should illegal immigrants learn English when America makes it so easy for them to not speak it?

But, galaxyMafia believes that American brought this immigration problem on herself. This is what she gets for not being an isolationist nation.



So. ..what will happen to Luis? Will the DREAM Act be passed? Will he go on to UT, major in aerospace engineering and go on to conquer mars while sitting in the restaurant at the end of the world? Or will those dastardly immigrant-hating Republicans pass the immigration reform bill and crush Luis’ hopes?

Probably, the DREAM Act will be passed. Hope springs eternal and all that jazz, right. Maybe it’s inevitable. But, as for Luis, despite the UT scholarship, I don’t think he’ll benefit from the DREAM Act. The “powers that be” scrutinizing “good moral character” will probably deny him citizenship due to excessive fornication.

Copyright 2006. . .galaxyMafia likes Latin men. . .but only if they are not from Mexico. Hats off to my South American cutie Francisco! You’re breaking my heart, papi!!