Round One…FIGHT!

Category: , , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
I’m sure all you gamers out there recognize that line from Street Fighter (Or was it Mortal Kombat ?). I remember years ago, sitting on my boyfriend’s parent’s sofa watching him pay SF and MK. I know what you’re thinking but I was young and in love and hadn’t become completely jaded yet.

Actually, I didn’t really mind watching. The only video game I like is Tetris so the whole idea of a video game whose sole purpose is to beat hell out of your opponent was intriguing to me because I love watching people fight. Now let me clarify what I mean by “fight”. When I say fight I mean brawling, fisticuffs, Queensbury rules or just straight wildin’ out with a minimum of gunplay. Blunt objects are cool (coffee pots, hammers, 2x4’s, etc.) just so long as they don’t overshadow good, old-fashioned fist-in-face.

So with that in mind I compiled a list of some of my favorite celluloid dust ups. Enjoy!

Arsenic And Old Lace (1944) Carey Grant

This is really a Screwball Comedy but there is one really good fight scene that never fails to make me scream with laughter. Most of it takes place off camera so all you see are bodies flying into the fray and bodies being thrown out. Chairs are broken over people’s backs and pieces of broken furniture are thrown around to the sound of scuffling, punching and yelling. What makes it so funny is Carey Grant’s reaction to what’s going on. Here is a sane man stuck in a very insane situation. Towards the end of the movie he’s come to accept the looniness all around him and his reactions are priceless!

The Quiet Man (1952) John Wayne

Okay so this movie is full of stereotypes but we all know stereotypes are based in truth so let’s not get bogged down in that shall we? We all know that all Irishmen aren’t lazy, shiftless, bare knuckle brawling, drunkards but the idea that they are makes for one great movie battle! John Wayne plays a disgraced American boxer who decides to go home to Ireland. While there he falls in love but gets on the wrong side of his love’s brother’s temper. What follows is one of the greatest fight scenes ever. That fight goes from the house to the street, down rolling green hills and into the town and it is fab…u…lous!

Enter The Dragon (1973) Bruce Lee

There are just so many reasons to love this movie! Who couldn’t love hot ass Bruce Lee and his whoops and yells (Waaaaaah! Wooooohaaaaaah!), hot ass Jim Kelly and his Shaolin funk soul brother attitude (To Mr. Han: “Man, you come right out of a comic book!”), Bolo the behemoth, international crime conspiracies, the funky soundtrack and just the cheesy 70’s eastern mysticism of it all? There are many fight scenes to love here but my favorite would have to be the climactic battle between Lee and Han in the mirrored room. Lee tries to put the smack down and is doing well but fails to consider that Han is a crafty sonofabitch! Lee has to use his brains and his brawn to defeat the diabolical Han. After remembering some inspiring words from his sensei he regains the strength he needs to finally send Han on a wild, rickshaw ride to hell!

Drunken Master (1978) Jackie Chan

This movie is billed as the first king fu comedy and yes it is funny (What the hell kinda name is “Thunder Leg” for a villain anyway?) but my favorite scene is where Chan is trying to mack on a girl when her mother rolls up and puts the supreme smack down…right on Chan’s ass! I love a movie where a women doesn’t have to resort to gunplay (usually having said gun slapped from her weak and ineffectual hand), running away in high heels, waiting until the man’s asleep and pouring hot grits on him (If you don’t know ask your mama about Al Green), waiting until the man’s asleep and cutting his dick off a la Lorena Bobbitt or worse yet, committing suicide, to get her very simple point across: LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE FOOL!

The Warriors (1979) Michael Beck

Don’t you just love the good old days? Back then if you mentioned the word “gang” to someone the last thing that would come to their minds would be guns. Switchblades maybe but never guns. This movie not only brings back the filthy glamour that was NYC before Giuliani cleaned it up but also those thrilling days of yore when shooting someone in the head execution style would be considered cowardly! The Warriors are accused of a crime they didn’t commit and they have t make it back to their “turf” in one piece. Along the way they meet many a lame ass gang, at least by post Colors standards, and have to take them all out. My favorite gang/fight scene is a toss up between the Baseball Furies (men in baseball uniforms, painted faces and bats) and the Lizzies (uncharacteristically hot Lesbians with knives). The Warriors dispatch them both in short order but it’s still fun to watch!

Fight Club (1999) Edward Norton, Brad Pitt

This whole movie is of course one big fight but my favorite scene was when Edward Norton’s character beat pretty little Jared Leto’s character so badly that dude’s face looked like raw hamburger! [Insert highly inappropriate and scary laughter] Man, that’s the good stuff!

Sexy Beast (2000) Ray Winstone, Ben Kingsley

Now those of you that have seen this movie might think I’m stretching things a bit here but I say if the antagonist of the movie has been shot in the gut twice with a shotgun (one shot was close range) but still continues to punch, slap, kick and hurl insults at the protagonist and his friends while they in turn punch, slap, kick and hurl insults at him then it’s a fair fight! Bloody as all get out but fair! And for the record, Ian McShane (Deadwood) is the creepiest of all creeps in this movie. Yikes!

The One (2001) Jet Li

This movie has some pretty good martial arts and special effects but it is the very last scene that does it for me! Jet Li, in his halting English (Which somehow makes it sound even better) tells the inhabitants of a penal planet, “I am Yulaw! I’m nobody’s bitch. You…are mine. I don’t need to know you. You only need to know me.” them proceeds to put the smack down on all comers as the camera slowly pans out on his lone form atop a pyramid, adroitly chucking guys over the precipice!

Oldboy (2003) Min-sik Choi

This movie is so deep; not your typical Asian Cinema flick at all! Most Americans, I’m sad to say, will miss the underlying themes because of the subject matter but if you take a chance and leave your puritanical ideas behind you might enjoy it. And if that isn’t enough of an enticement to watch this movie then take in to consideration that it also features one of the most awesome fight scenes ever! One long tracking shot of about twenty men with sticks and bats against Min-sik Choi, his fists and a hammer! Yes I said a hammer Dear Reader! And you know what the best part is? Although he’s bruised and bloodied by the time it’s over he still reigns triumphant! This movie rocks harder than the Stones at Wembley stadium!

A History Of Violence (2005) Viggo Mortensen

You’ve read posts from GM and me about how much we love this movie so I won’t go on about it but I will say that even after three LOTR movies and a few other Viggo vehicles I never thought he was sexy…until this movie. Does that make me peculiar? Probably but I don’t care. I’d love to have a husband who could and would skillfully kill lots and lots of people to protect our family and me. All I can say is bless you David Cronenberg . You are one magical, sick muthafucker and I LOVE you!

What are your favorite fight scenes? Inquiring Divas want to know – GD

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