Channel…Sweet Channel…There is nothing wrong with you. But then I think, deep down, you already know this. I don’t agree with most of what people have posted here but I will say, practice does indeed make perfect! Yes love does make sex better but as you’ve already said, you were in a few love relationships and the sex wasn’t that hot so apparently that isn’t always the case. Speaking from personal experience, the man I loved the most was one of the worst I’d had sexually. I loved him with all my heart but if he’d said we never had to do it again I wouldn’t have minded one bit! It wasn’t until after many more sexual experiences that I discovered that I do like sex, it’s just that all my ducks have to be in a row before I can truly get down:
1. I have to know him and trust him (No one night stands for me)
2. He has to really be into my body, fat rolls and all!
3. He has to have impeccable hygiene from his scalp to the soles of his NOT crusty feet
4. He has to have a brain in his head (Dumb but pretty men are nice to look at but they turn me off sexually)
And most importantly…
5. I have to WANT to do it. I stress want because many of us, particularly women, think we should want it even when we just aren’t feeling it! Again from my experience it’s normal for me to go several months or even years without seriously wanting to fuck. Sure I masturbate but to get naked and close to another person is just not what I want. Sometimes just knowing that I am wanted (cat calls, whistles, dirty propositions) is enough to get me through until I find that guy that makes me forget I have to work, go to school, change the oil in my car, buy new shoes, etcetera.
I didn’t reach these conclusions overnight. It took lots of trial, error, four years of celibacy and the meditation skills I learned from studying yoga before I figured out what it was that I needed to truly enjoy sex (imagine my surprise when I found out not having any was one way of enjoying it). You’re only at the beginning of your journey of self-discovery so take a deep breath and relax, relate and release. And most importantly, stay open to the moment. Like I always say, I’ll try anything twice!
Smooches and Cyber Hugs,