And They Still Can’t Keep A Man!

Category: , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
Every once in a while you meet a child that drives you wild
With unmistakable downtown style
Her winter coat and sexy tokes on camel smokes
Don’t prepare you for the laugh that explodes

I try and I damn try but this dating thing never seems to work out! Notice I said dating as in an on going thing? Sure I can get him interested. I can even get him to go on a date, granted only after several weeks of instant messaging and still only to his crib where I am subjected to his filthy, groping tentacles!

I could understand if I were a supermodel or an actress or anyone who would illicit such a response in a man but I’m just me (although quite fabulous if I do say so myself) and all the dicks standing at attention when I walk into the room, while flattering, are starting to get on my damn nerves! I mean no one is that hot to trot right? Not even me! Maybe galaxyMafia is right and it’s all about the pheromones? Maybe my mouth is saying ‘let’s have a meeting of the minds’ while my body chemicals are saying ‘ride me like the Lone Ranger rode Silver’? Or maybe large boobs and childbearing hips automatically signal push over in the male mind?

So I wonder, am I any different from any other woman and are the “hot shit” women any different from me? Is it really all about the cooch and whether or not I want to share it with countless men and less about my talents, ideas, dreams and aspirations? The answer to these questions is a resounding yes Dear Readers! Men don’t care what the hell women look like and they care even less about what women think. Oh sure they play lip service to wanting a strong, attractive, independent, successful, loving woman but when they get one, even the holy grail of women, they either turn crazy, stupid or fuck her over royally! Case in point:

Erykah Badu
Dynamic singer, songwriter, dancer and actress, Ms. Badu would be a welcome addition to any man’s life…or so one would think. Seriously, what good is a calming, spiritual influence in your life when all you care about is running with your boys and screwing around? It’s absolutely no good Dear readers! Being dumped by two successful men (Rap star Common and her baby daddy, André 3000) would make any woman bitter but Ms. Badu hasn’t stopped making music and immersing herself in other projects. Let’s hope she’ll eventually find a man who won’t jump ship right after impregnating her or after being all up in Essence magazine talking about their "special love".

Natalie Portman
So cute…so smart…so talented! What can I say about Natty Nat that hasn’t already been said? I know V For Vendetta was a bomb but that wasn’t entirely her fault and I don’t think her love life should suffer because of it! Actually, I think the reason she can’t keep a man is because she’s smarter than all the men she’s ever dated (Moby, Lukas Haas, Gael Garcia Bernal, Zach Braff, Jake Gyllenhaal) and we know how much highly intelligent women intimidate men don’t we? So Nat, if you’re reading, don’t give up girl. You will find a hot, smart guy who gets you and he will never dump you for a silly, blond flibbertigibbet with bad teeth [cough]Kirsten Dunst[cough]!

Halle Berry
I’m honestly not a Halle fan but I feel her pain. It’s no wonder she’s a bit crazy: Wesley "The Rice Chaser" Snipes beat the hearing out one of her ears, David Justice cheated on her and acted a plum seed fart ass (as Daddy Diva used to say) during the divorce. Then Eric Benét showed up and cheated on her even more, denied her access to his daughter whom she’d come to love and dragged their business all up and down the street! She’s with the hot white guy now but those of us who have dated other flavors know that there really is no difference. White men will act the foolywang just as quickly as any other man so I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you Halle. Lord knows you need a blessing in your love life!

The fact is she’s an actress using the bedroom for practice
Making him think his kiss is all she’s ever imagined
With a pocket full of rocket fuel dragging strings that pull
On a heart that’s uncertain, but beautiful

To Erykah, Natalie and Halle, if within the next ten years you find yourself alone, broken and bitter you are welcome to come live with me in Texas in my dilapidated house full of small, yappy dogs (I don’t like cats). The four of use can sit around all day eating chocolate and commiserating about how shitty men are and how we’ve wasted our lives. Deal? – GD

Song lyrics from Being A Girl by Van Hunt

5 comments so far.

  1. LA GIRLIE 8:35 PM, August 15, 2006
    I applaud Halle for finally picking up herself a white man and leaving those "pretty" black guys (with the exception of wesley snipes) alone lol This might end up being her most successful and long-lasting relationship yet. So she might be a little crazy, but women don't get that way on their for Natalie Portman..umm I think she'll be all right lol Erykah Badu? Crazy, period. Who is the baby daddy for her daughter "Puma"?
  2. Sex and the Sushi 9:09 PM, August 15, 2006
    Hello La Girlie!

    I don't know who the father is but I'm sure he's some no count man! LOL Thanks for stopping by our little blog and leaving 2, count’em TWO, juicy comments! Stop by often and tell all your friends!

    Ms. GD
  3. beautyinbaltimore 1:28 AM, August 17, 2006
    I'm so over men, and I have not started dating seriouly. I say give me a big dick man who can eat pussy and I'm happy. He can do me and get out an hour later.
  4. beautyinbaltimore 1:30 AM, August 17, 2006
    Puma's father is the DOC, a rapper from the earlt 80's. His video is on Youtube.
  5. needmoresleeo 9:23 PM, August 18, 2006
    I didn't know Wesley was like that? Didn't David Justice lay some hands on her too?

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