The Internet Dating Chronicles Of Glamour Diva – Part 13

Category: , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever." – Chief Joseph surrendering to the United States Army, October 5, 1877, Bear Paw Mountain, Montana

I feel you Chief Joseph ! Okay so maybe I don’t. I mean I’ve never experienced genocide, the displacement of my whole tribe and the subsequent ruination of an entire way of life but the sentiment, I think, is the same. I give up…surrender to forces that are greater than me and completely beyond my control. From this day forward Glamour Diva will date no more forever!

How did I reach such a drastic finale? Honestly I’ve been thinking about it for the last few years. I’ve tried being myself, being someone else, changing him, not changing him, boyfriends, friends with benefits, internet dating, blind dates, one night stands, married men, single men, young, old, fat, slim, muscular, flabby, little dicks, big dicks, tall, short, smart, dumb, witty, obtuse, rich, poor, black, white, Latino and on and on ad nauseam and ad infinitum! It’s just not working people! So I’m giving it up and turning it loose [Thank you En Vogue]! I can’t go on like this Dear Readers. The continued dissatisfaction is just making me more and more bitter and disillusioned and that just ain’t right. A person like me, full of mirth and dimpled smiles with a laugh like wind chimes caught in a soft spring breeze, should not be bogged down by the weight of these dating disasters! That’s why I’ve deleted all my Internet dating profiles and will refuse all future requests for dates as well as all requests for hot, sweaty monkey love.

But a girl needs goals even if she can’t get no lovin’ so I’ve decided to focus on other aspects of my life like school, finding a better job, writing and Yoga. I’ve also decided that when asked why I am no longer dating, I will not dive into a lengthy explanation of the whys and wherefores but instead will say that I am saving myself for Frédéric Michalak , the hot French rugby player I so often drool over. You see it’s a lot easier to have people believe that you are pining away for some unobtainable man who lives in another country and probably can’t speak English, then to have same said people stare at you in disbelief, scratch their heads and tell you over and over how what you’re going through is just a phase and that some day your Prince really will come and all the other clichés that get thrown about when people are at a loss for anything constructive to say!

So there you have it Dear Readers – the end of an era. But don’t cry for me! And for the love of Mike please offer me no platitudes! As long as there are Prison Break reruns, cookies n’ cream ice cream, small, yappy dogs, vibrators and hot yoga classes I’ll be fine. Trust me!

The 13th installment…tis strangely fitting no? Ah well, it was good while it lasted. So until I find more of my life’s ignorance to serialize for your enjoyment, you’ll just have to be satisfied with re-reading installments 1-12. Smooches Dear Readers! – GD

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