1 John Schwalger
2 Andrew Hore
3 Neemia Tialata
4 Paul Tito
5 Jason Eaton
6 Jerry Collins
7 Chris Masoe
8 Rodney So’oialo (capt)
9 Piri Weepu
10 Blair Stewart
11 Hosea Gear
12 Tana Umaga
13 Conrad Smith
14 Lome Fa’atau
15 Cory Jane
Is it just galaxyMafia, or does Colin Cooper’s Hurricanes lineup for the game against the Lions look like a Hurricanes lineup from Super 14 2006?
The six conditioning All Blacks just got back – Jerry Collins barely finished dying his hair, Chris Masoe was in the grocery store buying Wheatabix for Lara Heise, Piri Weepu just got his braids did, etc. – and already Cooper’s got them in the starting XV. "Get to tha pitch, niggas," Cooper might have said. "Drop whatcha doin' and report to tha pitch! Stat, nigga, stat!"
With this lineup, Cooper has admitted he is a desperate man, gasping for air, throwing it all up against the wall, and hoping something sticks. . .
The Hurricanes are at a crucial fork in the road to the Super 14 finals, and Cooper is no doubt feeling the pressure. After all, his predecessor (whose name galaxyMafia can’t remember, if she ever knew it and she’s too lazy to look it up) took the Hurricanes to the Finals where they played the Crusaders in the fog. Yeah, them bustas lost but, they went to the Finals.
To not make it to the semifinals at least would have Cooper looking like a goat. To piss off Jerry “The Hitman” Collins is a fate worse than having Tialata fall on you, and already, Collins is mad as hell about the Canes candy-ass performances. The boys have lost three in a row and if they lose again, Jerry says the season is pretty much over. And you know he called the guys together and told them he’d break his re-conditioned foot off in they a$$ if they don’t win this next game.
“I don’t want no scrub. . .a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love. . .”
Most of the Hurricanes’ scrubs have been sent packing, “. . .to tha left, to tha left. . .all ya crap from tha locker in a box to tha left. . .” and to some extent, it’s not surprising.
After all, many of the scrubs were just collecting a check. I mean, Nili Latu. . .? Did he even show up to the games? Did he play? Serge Lilo? What the hell did he do except stand around on the pitch scratching his ass? Tone Kopelani? Tim Fairbrother? Fair. . .who. . .?
“You’re a shining star. . .”
The stand-out exception to the scrubs: David Smith.
The Hurricanes were lucky to get this rare, natural talent. Every game, Smith gave his heart, soul, blood, sweat AND tears. He was always out there, goose stepping, making tries, earning his damn keep, yo. He didn’t start unnecessary fights (*cough* Tialata *cough*), never faked an injury so the loss of a game couldn’t be blamed on him (*cough* Nonu *cough) and the way he filled out his yellow jersey! As Ms. GD would say, “LAWD!”
But, was he appreciated for his efforts?
Well, David, this is how you know you are a F.O.B, okay?
For reasons that are known only to Colin Cooper and Co., David Smith was slashed from this week’s starting fifteen, and galaxyMafia thinks that just ain’t right. They didn’t even chose the boy for the reserves! You know somebody in the Canes organization is smoking trees when Serge Lilo and that eyesore Mahonri Schwalger get real estate on the bench.
“So, what happens now. . .?”
The question is. . .will the six returning All Blacks + Lome Fa’atau, 2006’s leading try-scoring and Wellington slut puppy, make a difference? Will less junk in the trunk help Piri “Wobble, wobble” Weepu? Will Rodney “Release these people!” So’oialo pull somebody’s leg the hell off? Will Chris “please take care of yo kids and leave them hos alone” Masoe be able to run without having an asthma attack?
galaxyMafia can only hope!
copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia hopes that whoever stole Mr. Tialata's hair gel and clippers please return them forthwith!