Good evening class! Tonight we will be discussing the penis, particularly Polynesian, Rugby Union penises! You know, personally I don’t mind penises. I mean, semen is grody to the max but penises are rather nice. Don’t you think? So enjoy these totally turgid blind items and as always, support your local penis!
We know…You guess…
Blind Item One
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
The Penis Song – Monty Python
Apparently not everything is bigger in Texas. Rumor has it that a certain prop has a beef bayonet the size of the Empire State Building! No word yet on whether or not the brother knows how to use it but it seems everyone in his hometown knows about it, it’s like a local attraction Dear Readers! Who would have thought he had all that going on in his pants? Certainly not me! But while we’re on the subject of penis size…
Blind Item Two
When I was little boy In Grammar school
Always went by the very best rule
But evertime the bell would ring
You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling
My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling – Chuck Berry
Word on the street is that a certain Waikato player, who will soon be off to play rugby on greener pitches overseas, is so boner-challenged that those in the know – and from what I’ve been told everyone knows – have given him a very funny, special little nickname (that rhymes with his last name) to match his teeny...tiny....ding-a-ling. Poor baby! I just hope he knows how to use his tongue because having a small dong and not being able to compensate in other ways is just sad. SAD! Now moving on to our next dick but this time only in the metaphorical sense…
Blind Item Three
Saturday morning just gettin up
With a hangover smellin like a fuck
I really can't remember cause I'm still kinda faded
So I close my eyes and thank God that I made it
Now I'm gettin flashbacks of some O.J.
With a green glass that says Tanqueray
Took it to the hand gulped it down with the quickness
Now I need a bitch so I can handle my business
What do you know, a freaks in my reach
Threw her on the flo, stuck it in her deep
She's screamin and she's screamin and she's screamin
Gettin horrors, but then I busted a nut, and that was that
so kick the chorus
Ghetto Jam – Domino
When I got the goods on this player I thought, wow nothing new here! But even though I’ve thought these things before and shared a few of these thoughts during our podcasts, it still bears repeating so:
God! Where to start, where to start?!? Yes he’s hot to death and yes he can play some rugby but man is this guy a tool!
First are the women who fall for his line about how he can’t belong to just one person because he belongs to the world…blah, blah, blah! How does he do it you ask? Particularly since he lives on such a small island and he’s bound to run out of women if he keeps fucking at his current breakneck pace? It’s very simple Dear Readers; it’s that damn black jersey! However, sources say that before he donned said black polyester garment the brother was persona non grata with the feminine set! Yes it’s hard to believe but oh so true, this stunning vision of loveliness couldn’t find a willing, wet pussy even with a diving rod!
But we can’t blame him completely. His sense of entitlement was spoon feed to him by his “college” and others who have sought to profit from his physical ability. Be it informational materials bearing his image or nights out on the town, everyone is looking for a piece of the action and no one really cares about the player in question. Think of it as Entourage – Rugby Edition. Let’s just hope this young man wakes up and buys a clue before his rugby career is over…or before he gets fat, whichever comes first! [There is so much dirt on this guy that I had to break it into chunks! Stay tuned for part two!]
Until next time Dear Readers...