galaxyMafia is back with another “rejected” draft of the All Blacks “Player Diaries”! Once again, she had to go behind enemy lines, cultivating sources, paying bribes and risking her reputation and sanity to bring you, Dear Readers, DA TRUTH!!!!

Are you ready for another diary the NZRU never wanted you to see. . .?

Isaia Toeava

Dear Diary, up around 8.30am and had a shower and then it was down to breakfast. I’m rooming with the ‘Hit Man’ Jerry Collins and I know him pretty well from when I played for the Hurricanes in 2006.


Dear Diary, up around 8:30am, washed my d!ck, took a sh!t and then it was down to breakfast. Them NZRU hos got me up in here wif the ‘Hit Man’ Jerry Collins and I know dat n!gga from round da way when I played for the Hurricanes in 2006.

He likes his coffees and cokes and he’s a bit messy but I shouldn’t really say that because he’s bigger than me.

Dat ni!gga’s a caffeine-addicted slob but I shouldn’t really say that because he might put a foot off up in my ass.

I had sausages, bacon, baked beans on toast for breakfast. Sometimes it’s hard to keep eating the right food in camp because it’s a buffet for three meals a day, but lucky for me it’s all easy stuff to burn off at training.

I had sausages, bacon, baked beans on toast for breakfast. I was farting all day but I like the smell of my farts so it’s all good.


I live with my auntie Victoria at home in Auckland and she does all the cooking there – she’s an awesome cook, probably too good.

I’m basically a scrub - I live with my auntie Victoria at home in Auckland and she does all the cooking there – she’s an awesome cook, probably too good.


After breakfast I went for a cruise with JC and Siti (Sitiveni Sivivatu). Dropped off some tickets to JC’s family and then checked out his house round by the airport.

After breakfast I went for a cruise with JC and Siti (Sitiveni Sivivatu). Bought some weed from JC’s boys and then brought some Raro hos back to his house round by the airport.


I’m going to look at getting a house soon because I’ve been saving some money. I’m more of a saver than a spender but occasionally I get some new clothes. I’m not really up there with fashion like DC, I’m scruffy and whatever comes I’ll wear it.

I’m going to look at getting a house soon because I’m tired of sneaking hos in the house after my Auntie is sleep. I’ve been saving some money for a new crib that’s why, when I want some clothes, I do a bit of shoplifting. I’m not a punk-ass metrosexual like Dougie; whatever I can steal, I’ll wear it.


Luckily the adidas gear we get given is pretty cool stuff anyway.

Luckily, we get free sh!t from Adidas ‘cause a nigga be low on funds, on da real!

Got back to the hotel at lunchtime and listened to some slow jams in John Schwalger’s room. I like listening to music but the last CD I bought was Phil Collins when I was in South Africa with the Under 19s in 2005. I haven’t brought that one out on tour yet.

Got back to the hotel at lunchtime and smoked trees in John Schwalger’s room. I like weed, I just don’t like to buy it. Luckily, John ain’t one of dem nigga’s who’ll make you feel like a bitch for not havin’ money to put towards da dime bag.


We had a team walk through up at the tennis courts in Brooklyn at 2.30pm. We do it every Saturday just to go through the moves one last time and run a bit of the nerves off. It’s pretty easy stuff and by now the boys are starting to get in the zone for the game. It’s something we only do with the All Blacks – not the Blues or NPC.

We had a team walk through up at the tennis courts in Brooklyn at 2.30pm. I was completely baked. Don’t really remember what happened but it’s pretty easy ish.


A little pre-match meal at 3.30pm. I don’t eat much pre-match – just a half chicken with a bit of bread.

A little pre-match toke at 3.30pm. I don’t smoke much pre-match – just a blunt, or two.


It was short trip to the Stadium and it’s awesome to see everybody making their way down there all dressed in black. They all wave at the bus.

It was short trip to the Stadium and it’s awesome to see all the pakehas, waving at the bus. I saw some hos I’m try to hook up wif later.


I thought I played an average game – I dropped a couple of balls so I’m working real hard on that. It was the fastest I have ever played – at the end of the game my lungs were gone – legs were gone.

My game, in general, sucks. I’m what you might call a ‘lemon’. I dropped a couple of balls and at the end of the game my lungs were gone – legs were gone, but Ted likes me so who gives a fcuk?


I had to make a few tackles but I missed one. I get mad at myself but then leave it behind and move on because it’s always the next tackle that counts – not the last one. I had to make a few tackles but I missed one.

I don’t get mad at myself, though because, like I said, Ted likes me so basically, I can just sit back and collect dis paper the NZRU is givin’ me.


I’m a lot more confident than last year and getting used to playing at this level. Hopefully I’ll keep getting better and stay in the team.

I’m a lot more confident than last year because I don’t have to worry about getting better; I know I’ma stay in the team.


After the game I had a feed in the changing room and then there were a couple of speeches for Richie (McCaw) and Wazza (Byron Kelleher), who both played their 50th test match. The team chipped in for some presents and it was a good moment to be part of.

After the game I had a blunt in the changing room and then some n!gga said some boring-ass sh!t about Richie (McCaw) and Wazza (Byron Kelleher), who both played their 50th test match. The team chipped in to get ‘em some Rarotongan hookers.


We left the ground at about 11.30pm and later on went out with some of the boys and had a quiet celebration. Wazza did a bit of dancing and pulling out all the moves, but I just stood around talking.

I haven’t got a girlfriend right now but what I’m looking for is a good personality. I’m pretty easy to talk to and I’ll buy a drink as well, as long as she likes Steinlager.

Cheers, Ice

I ain’t got no steady ho that I give a fcuk about right now but what I’m looking for is a pakeha who can keep it tight while I’m in it. I’ll talk to a ho but I ain’t for brown-nosin’ b!tches like some n!ggas. Some n!ggas will buy b!tches champagne and expensive drinks. I’ll buy a b!tch a beer but dat’s about it.