Rugby News Roundup

Category: , , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
“Bored now. This is the part that's less fun. When there isn't any screaming.” – Willow in “The Wish” from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

What’s my “wish”? That the thrill ride that was Super 14 2005 would return and wake me from my Sleeping Beauty like slumber. Or, if that’s too tall an order for the rugby gods to fill, I request that they kick South Africa, Australia and New Zealand in the ass and out of their Snow White like repose so I can, to quote Madonna, justify my love of this game! Jeez Louise I don’t think I can take much more of this! And I thought the World Cup was lame? At least there was a shock ending (AB’s losing in the quarterfinals), questionable coiffures (Michalak’s flocked wallpaper hair and Tonga not being allowed to die their hair green) and rags to riches performances (Argentina and Fiji) to break the monotony! But this tired shit here…I think I’m gonna take a page from Piri Weepu and Ma’a Nonu’s coloring book and threaten to switch to League if the level of play doesn’t get any damn better. Seriously Dear Readers…UGH!

The following are a list of old stories I found utterly preposterous but never got around to posting because of my serious lack of gumption so enjoy! – GD

Jesus Take The Wheel!
I know this is old news but it bears repeating…
Shut Up Jerry!
And further more, kiss my black media ass! Stop whining like a bitch and play! If you don’t want the media in your business then stop playing rugby. That’s all there is to it really, become an anonymous, boring citizen or be a man and suck it up!

You can’t handle the rugby you have now!
Australia wants an expanded Super Rugby franchise which is great for them but unless they spike New Zealand’s water supply with Zoloft, give all the players adamantium skeletons and delete the Air New Zealand Cup from the rugby calendar, this shit will never fly! But who knows, some folk want this and some don’t so we’ll see if John O'Neill gets his way.

Do these men have parents or did they sprout up out of a landfill?
This is just so sad. The fact that this type of shit is needed says way more about our sporting culture as a whole then about the players individually. And this guy agrees with me! But I love this quote though:

The point the AFL is trying to make is that young men come into football and they go from the year before not being able to get a date for the social to suddenly half the nightclubs throwing themselves at them.

Indeed (I hope you’re reading this Nonu…)! But if this is what it takes to keep their asses out of court and free of STI’s then so be it! Can we get this program in the US?

The AFL should send a free DVD to this guy!
Poor Leroy Houston. Read his sad tale of ignorance, inexperience and stupidity. Then weep for his banishment to the worst team in Australia.

And I thought the Bulls' Cheerleaders were skanks!
Call me old fashioned, call me a prude but there’s just no cause for all this boobage, public stripping off of clothing and booty shorts (lingerie!) that barely cover the pubis as well as the crack of the ass! The Shark’s cheerleaders are on some straight hoochie shit fo reals yo! These South African folk are a trip!

And In 6 Nations News…
They won't be able to tell Gatland nothing now!
WALES WON! WALES WON! WALES WON! Charlotte Church and her boobs came out to support her man, Gavin Henson, and everybody had a grand old time! YAY!

Now instead of blowing all that tournament money on booze and prostitutes (Cause you know that’s what they’re gonna do), the whole Welsh National Team should head down to their local cosmetic surgeon/dentist/hairstylist and finally get all that tremendous fug worked on! Seriously!

Have you seen these guys? Save for one man, they all look like they fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down! Is busted-upness a prerequisite for playing on the team? It would seem so according to their current roster of Quasimodo’s!

There are some beautiful people in Wales but this team…Lord this team…is sooooo not reflective of that fact! As the folk over in the UK say…bless their little cotton socks!

And finally…
Why was this fool on that show in the first place? But still, nothing can be as embarrassing as being a rugby star with fat paper stacks and still living at home with your mother! I don’t care if your crib is worth a cool £1million; your MOTHER is in the house with you which, last time I checked, was enough to get you banned from the Ballers and Shot Callers Club for life!

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