JUDE LAW is too pretty for his own damn good
This is what Jude Law gets for being so damn beautiful:
1) to argue in the slick streets of London with his ex-wife, Sadie Frost, like two syphilitic crack whores
2) to be bleed completely and unabashedly dry, as if by nefarious leeches, as ex-(fish)wife Sadie Frost tangos* off into the sunset with a cool, crisp 20 million (pounds, not dollars baby)
3) to do yet another dumb ass movie that no one is going to get up off their fat asses to go see
Advice to Jude:
a) find yourself a movie where you don't look so damn beautiful. Ugly yourself up and I guarentee, you'll win an Oscar.
b) know this about human beings and embrace it: we don't like it when beautiful people do well. As such, we delight in your failures. That's why I'm glad that shrew-bitch of an ex-wife of yours is taking you for everything you have (including the kitchen sink). Here's hoping that she poisons the kids' minds against you.
Advice to Sadie:
a) girl (said in a long, drawn out, honeyed Gulf Coast Texas drawl), 20 million pounds can buy a lot of damn sushi. I say eat it off of Eddie Cibrian. However, if you ain't all into the dimples, then try The Rock. You'll have to climb up there honey, but it'll be worth it.
b) next time, don't marry some limey who's prettier than you are
Advice to Sienna Miller:
a) girl (said in a long, drawn out, honeyed Gulf Coast Texas drawl), Jude's ass might end up broke. His box office ain't exactly bangin', fo shizzle. You might want to exit, stage left.
galaxyMafia
". . .ass up off the vig, bitch!"
* That reminds me, I need to rent "Shall We Dance?"
1) to argue in the slick streets of London with his ex-wife, Sadie Frost, like two syphilitic crack whores
2) to be bleed completely and unabashedly dry, as if by nefarious leeches, as ex-(fish)wife Sadie Frost tangos* off into the sunset with a cool, crisp 20 million (pounds, not dollars baby)
3) to do yet another dumb ass movie that no one is going to get up off their fat asses to go see
Advice to Jude:
a) find yourself a movie where you don't look so damn beautiful. Ugly yourself up and I guarentee, you'll win an Oscar.
b) know this about human beings and embrace it: we don't like it when beautiful people do well. As such, we delight in your failures. That's why I'm glad that shrew-bitch of an ex-wife of yours is taking you for everything you have (including the kitchen sink). Here's hoping that she poisons the kids' minds against you.
Advice to Sadie:
a) girl (said in a long, drawn out, honeyed Gulf Coast Texas drawl), 20 million pounds can buy a lot of damn sushi. I say eat it off of Eddie Cibrian. However, if you ain't all into the dimples, then try The Rock. You'll have to climb up there honey, but it'll be worth it.
b) next time, don't marry some limey who's prettier than you are
Advice to Sienna Miller:
a) girl (said in a long, drawn out, honeyed Gulf Coast Texas drawl), Jude's ass might end up broke. His box office ain't exactly bangin', fo shizzle. You might want to exit, stage left.
galaxyMafia
". . .ass up off the vig, bitch!"
* That reminds me, I need to rent "Shall We Dance?"
