Mind where you step…

The Boondocks...Huzzah!

Aaron McGruder may well be the most reviled man on television today. But this is somehow strangely fitting as he was recently the most reviled man in the comic strip business. He’s been called astute as much as he’s been called racist and just plain old uncouth. The white folks don’t like him because they say he insights hate…mostly against them. And the black folks? Well we shake our fingers and tsk, tsk, tsk him in public but in private we all sit around nodding our heads in the affirmative, agreeing with everything he says!

If you’ve been living under a rock (or living in a city that refuses to run Mr. McGruder’s strip) for the last few years, I’ll catch you up on the premise of the strip and the show. Huey Freeman and his younger brother Riley leave their innercity home to live with their Grandfather, affectionately referred to as “Granddad”, in the predominantly white suburbs. Now imagine a pint-sized Huey P. Newton and his pint-sized 50 Cent little brother being raised by George Jefferson and I’m sure you’ll get the gist… Check out The Boondocks on the Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. Oh and after you watch it, tell me what you think!

And speaking of the reviled...

What The Hell Is Wrong With Andy Rooney?

I know he’s really dead, been dead for years, but someone thinks it’s funny to keep reanimating his corpse so he can spout racist epithets. STOP IT! It’s not funny but more to the point isn’t it illegal to tamper with the bodies of the dead? Seriously people!

So I was minding my own business November 7, 2005, just sitting at my desk listening to the Round Table Discussion on News & Notes with Ed Gordon on NPR when all of a damn sudden, the panelists start talking about Mr. Rooney’s latest case of “foot in mouth” disease. I won’t transcribe it for you baby ‘cause it’s the kind of thing you just have to hear with your own two ears!

So if watching Mr. Rooney vent his spleen on 60 Minutes for the last 150 years hasn’t already convinced you that he’s an ig’nant fool then click here and hear it for yourself. And if you start bleeding from the ears don’t say you weren’t warned!

Blast From The [not so distant] Past

Rick Astley. Name sound familiar?

If your were alive during the late 80’s then you will recognize that smashing red pompadour affixed atop the personage of England’s own Blue-eyed Soul sensation Rick Astley. Don’t front. You know you used to dance around your room wearing a black and gold braided headband in your “Choose Life” T-shirt, using a rainbow crazy straw as a microphone while singing “Never Gonna Give You Up”!

Admit it. You couldn’t get enough of his boy next-door good looks (He didn’t have a busted up grill…in the 80’s no less! That’s saying a lot considering he’s a Brit and advanced orthodontia techniques only arrived on their shores in the mid 90’s).

Also, Mr. Astley only had one dance but it was a doosey! Note to future white singers; don’t worry if you can’t dance like Usher (or even lame ass Justin Timberlake) you don’t need to hire choreographers. Get one good dance move down, update every 2-3 years and you’re good to go!

Even though Mr. Astley didn’t chart in the US again after 1992, he’s been going strong in Great Britain. He and his voice have aged well! Check out his new CD of standards and let me know what you think!

And speaking of cute British guys and orthodontia…

They call [him] yuck mouth, ‘cause [he] don’t brush…(C’mon and sing! If you’re over thirty you know the words!)

Last Sunday I was sitting in my living room, minding my own business, when I decided to check out Masterpiece Theatre on PBS. To my great surprise and ecstasy I discovered The Virgin Queen, the story of Britain’s greatest Monarch Queen Elizabeth I.

Now Ms. GD loves herself some Olde Tyme British royalty fo show! Forget about those Windsor pussies (formally known as Saxe-Coburg-Gotha); the Tudors knew how to get a party started and they did so regardless of whether or not you were in a party mood! But more on that later…

So I’m watching the show, loving the vibe, when all of a damn sudden, Robert Dudley (played by Tom Hardy) makes his first appearance on the screen! Now those of you that stayed awake during World History class in High School will remember that Bob was Liz’s childhood friend, confidant, trusted advisor and alleged paramour. When she wouldn’t gap her legs for him he decide to play mattress mambo with her cousin and lady in waiting, Lettice Knowles. But I’m getting ahead of myself and the point of this entry isn’t palace intrigue anyway (see how excited I get?). The point is that the actor who plays Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester, is a complete waste of hotness!

Why, why, why doesn’t Mr. Hardy get his teeth fixed? Let me just say that I’m not talking about slightly discolored teeth of maybe an over bite or even a little crowding at the bottom. I’m talking about Full Metal Jacked! Major crowding on the top and bottom, plus over bite and…and this is the kicker…one of his two front teeth looks to be hidden behind the other giving him the impression of having only one front tooth! Gag me with an Elizabethan-style ruff!

Why would someone with such smoldering hotness (those lips, those eyes!) refuse to fix his grill? Pretense can work both ways you know. I get tired of people like him and Jewel talking about how fake society is and how they don’t have to be perfect and blah, blah, blah! No one expects or wants you to be perfect. We just want you to get your grill hammered out so we don’t vomit when you open your damn mouth! Home skillet needs to dismount that British high horse and visit a damn orthodontist – right fast and in a hurry as we say down here on the Gulf Coast!!

Anyway, watch the show and tell me what you think!

Come Back To The Five and Dime Harriet Miers, Harriet Miers!

I divined it!

Didn’t I say we’d be wishing we hadn’t given Old Lady Miers the bum’s rush so quickly? Now we have Judge Samuel Alito Jr. to contend with and, I fear, he won’t be so easily kicked to the curb. I don’t care if he was a Little League coach! I wouldn’t care if he fed baby seals while simultaneously using his body as a shield to stop the homeless from being clubbed to death! I…wait a sec…I think I might have gotten those two mixed up. Let me dial down my righteous indignation real quick. Pardon me please.

[Click, click, click…]

Okay, like I was saying, the road to hell is paved with good intentions damn it! I don’t want some lily-livered ultra conservative asshole on the bench…for life! There are already too many lily-livered ultra conservative assholes on the bench right now! People keep saying, “Oh don’t judge him according to what he may or may not have said twenty years ago.” BULLSHIT! I know that if I got a job that I could keep until I shriveled up and died and couldn’t be fired from even if I made a bad decision, I wouldn’t let something like the will of the people get in the way of me doing what ever the hell I wanted to do! That’s human nature. We will always try to get by on something and Alito will do the same. Mark my words.

By the pricking of my thumbs something wicked this way comes…It’s…THANKSGIVING! BwaaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaaaaaaaaaa! - GD