The ZEBRA. Or, too many different vegetables spoil the soup

Category: By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
GalaxyMafia knows this post will be controversial (or maybe you won’t surprise her and you won’t give two shakes of a lambs tail as the crow flies) but she promises to get to the point.

She has decided that, of all the animals in the wide and varied kingdom, the one she can’t stand the most is. . .the zebra.

Let her postulate, calculate and speculate for you.

Tonight, while flipping through the latest edition (April) of O, the Oprah Magazine, galaxyMafia happened upon an article, entitled haphazardly enough, “Mix it up!” The article is about multiracial people, and it extrapolates that multiracial folks, or Zebras as GM likes to call ‘em, are gorgeous because of the simple fact that they have lots of different vegetables in the soup.

The article features a photo of smiling, happy multiracial people. One girl is French, African-American, Irish, Scottish and Native-American. Then there’s the guy who’s Korean and Irish. And don’t forget about the Chinese, French and Irish lass.

The tag line proclaims that their beauty is “without borders” and proclaims “it’s a gorgeous new world out there” and goes on to say that zebras are beautiful because of their variety of skin tone, hair textures, etc.

Now, call galaxyMafia a racist (and you might be right on the money so do your kids a favor and bet the house) but, to her, these multiracial folks all look the same. What variety of skin tones? They’re all tan. Just like the beige-colored walls in the break room of the job you hate to wake up and go to in the morning. What’s this smack about hair textures? It’s all dark, wavy and half-straight.

But, this is what chaps galaxyMafia’s hide about the article. All the accompanying photos of multiracial families. They’re all smiling and happy! They make being multiracial look so fun! Just like a day at the damn circus complete with popcorn and cotton candy. The article even refers to the multiracial family as a “harmonic convergence”. WTF is that?

Now, GM is no Princeton grad but, this article seems to imply that you’re much, much better off if you are a) in a multiracial family or b) multiracial. The multiracial families, the article promises, “prove that love, after all, changes everything.”

If you ask GM (and you probably never will), the article gives the multiracial family and the zebras a false reason to take themselves too seriously, and to think of themselves way too highly. I mean, what does being a zebra have to do with love? And who the hell says that being a zebra can change anything, let alone people’s attitudes and beliefs.

As a non-zebra, this article makes GM feel as though she never had a chance. GM can forget about love and change because both of her parents were stupid enough to be black. Clearly, GM would have turned out better and been more successful if at least one of her parents had had the sense to be white, or Filipino or Indian, right?

Alas, this is an exclusive party that GM will never receive an invitation to. But, that’s okay. She doesn’t really like the circus anyway. Those creepy clowns scare her.

copyright 2006. . .galaxyMafia can't wait to marry some guy who isn't black and have her own multiracial family with the prerequisite zebra babies!!! Clearly, that is the only way she will be happy!!!!

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