First I must say that while I was delighted to find out that Prison Break would be back in March 2006 as opposed to May, I was extremely disappointed with Monday’s lack luster “Fall Finale”. Now I won’t say that the show wasn’t any good it’s just that after all the build up from Fox and the PB producers I expected marching bands, a three ring circus, pyrotechnics plus an all-star musical extravaganza! What I got was the usual tense, well-written episode. So I guess I wasted my money on those Depends huh?

After the show I called galazyMafia to rehash the episode (once you’ve spent four years deconstructing the media your DNA is forever altered and you are never again able to sit back and simply enjoy TV/movies) and we got to talking about Mr. Miller. As usual I began to rant about the lack of information about him and why he always looks as though he’d rather be somewhere else. I started to wonder if he is as tense, controlling and socially inept as he appears. Seriously, did you catch him on Leno? I swear he looked like he would bolt at any moment! Leno kept touching his arm and patting him; trying to get him to fucking relax!

And all the fidgeting and lent picking and the furtive looks…what was all that about? And don’t get me started on how he read that script. Granted, as a rabid fan I know all there is to know about everything he’s done so far but really now, he didn’t even try to switch things up, not even a little!

So all this wondering naturally led me to imagine what sort of person he is when he is far away from the prying eyes of…well people like me! I imagined a Wentworth that is miles away from the public persona he nurses so well. I imagined a Wentworth without borders so to speak, a Wentworth that is straight ghetto!

Come with me now on a journey into the mind of Glamour Diva as she explores The Secret Life of The Pretty – Ghetto D [Don’t worry if you don’t get the reference, ask someone who likes Master P; they’ll be able to tell you]

Ghetto Went likes music but because he’s over thirty he has a fondness for the classics. He has tender memories of his childhood back in Brooklyn, sitting at the kitchen table, doing his homework, while his Daddy plays his old Four Tops, Gladys Knight and The Pips, Isley Brothers, Aretha Franklin and James Brown LPs.

Favorite Music: Old school R&B and Hip-Hop
Maze featuring Frankie Beverly
Biz Markie
Rufus featuring Chaka Khan
Alexander O’Neil (with or without Cherrelle)
Doug E Fresh
The O’Jays
Lenny Williams
Africa Bambaataa
Stetsasonic
The Dazz Band
Teena Marie
Mtume

Ghetto Went is blessed with a very high metabolism so eating healthy has never been much of a concern. He likes comfort food; the kind his Grandma used to make, with some of his mother’s ethnic favorites thrown in for good measure.

Favorite Food: Whatever has the most fat and calories
Matzo ball soup
Rice and gravy
Homemade macaroni and cheese
Fried chicken
Fried fish
Grits and gravy
Latkes
Barbeque
Gumbo
Collard Greens
Sweet potatoes
Cornbread
Peach cobbler
Okra

Ghetto Went, when not busy sniffin’ out the cheddar for high paying, high profile acting roles, likes to tool around the city in his 2006 Escalade. His SUV has been custom fitted by West Coast Customs of MTV’s Pimp My Ride fame. His spinning, thirty inch rims don’t just spin…they have chimes in them too! But where is Ghetto Went headed in his custom SUV? Why to Glamour Diva’s house of course! He’s picking her up for a date. What will they do on their date?

Favorite Date Activities: The more ghetto the better
Red Lobster for all you can eat scrimp, er…I mean shrimp
Buying a bucket of chicken and a couple of forties then heading back to the house to watch Sports Center
Renting a few DVDs and watching them at his shorty’s house

WOW! What a hot image! Add to that cornrows done up in some interesting design, baggy jeans, Timberlands, and an Ecko hoodie and my goodness I am all a tweeter and a flutter! I can just see him pimp walking up to me with a little smile on his face. Then he leans down a bit (he’s much taller than me) and gives me a huge bear hug as he whispers in my ear, “Wassup baby? I been thinkin’ ‘bout you all damn day! You miss me love?”

Shriek! Shriek! Shriek!

But it’s just a fantasy. Sigh. Our boy is way to serious and stalwart for that…or is he?

I will…ponder…this entry tonight after I’ve showered and settled into bed with a glass of wine and a good vib…er, I mean book! – GD

I love Ms. Apple. I’ve loved her ever since the first time I heard Sleep To Dream from her 1996 CD, Tidal. So much anger and angst wrapped up in a cute little ball of a white girl. I feel ya FiFi (although maybe not so much on the little ball of a white girl part)! In fact, when I divested myself of my then lover I used the lyrics from that song in a fiery email that was, as you might expect, not well received.

That made me happy!

Anyway, now I have her current CD, Extraordinary Machine, which is AWESOME! Ms. Apple is older and wiser now (and still cute as a button – bitch!) but no less forthcoming with the scathing, yet beautifully crafted comebacks.

The song below is one of my favorite favorites from her current CD. Sing it FiFi!

Get Him Back

One man, he disappoint me
He give me the gouge and he take my glee
Now every other man I see
Remind me of the one man who disappoint me
[Ladies I know we can all relate to this!]

But wait till I get him back
He won't have a back to scratch
Yeah, keep turning that chin
And you will see my
Face as I figure how to kill what I cannot catch

So I say, and on I go
To another one to disappoint me so

Next one up, a contemptible snob
He live to put things in their place
He did a commendable job
He put himself so low
He can hardly even look me in the face
[I actually had this one! Man did I hate him!]

O, he made my blood just burn
I flipped so far, I thought that I would not return

But the last one I had who was getting my hopes up
I might've been a little fast to dismiss
I think he let me down, when he didn't disappoint me
He didn't always guess right, but he usually got my gist
[I haven’t met this one yet but I am so looking forward to it!]

So wait till I get him back
I'm gonna bring him home and I'll watch him unpack
Yeah keep turning that chin
And you will see my face is fixed on the one
I'm gonna get back

I'm gonna get him back
I am
I'm gonna get him back
I really am

I guess the first thing I have to do is get one, then unceremoniously dump him so I can 'get him back'… – GD

It’s Monday, November 28 and I’ve resigned myself to my fate. No more “Pretty” until only God knows when! In the immortal yet slightly paraphrased words of Foghorn Leghorn, “I got my Brazilian Models and my Prison Break tapes, I say my Brazilian Models and my Prison Break tapes to keep me warm!”










And just because there were too many delectable pictures to choose from and also because he represents my perfect body type, I present my current Sushi Dinette set…










Consider this your methadone shot for the day:

From The First Church Of Wentworth Miller thread on Television Without Pity

Tsuga, a loyal viewer, had this to say:

I love the graphic for the Church. And I think we deserve to know: Is the proprietor of Sex and the Sushi a lurker, or one of our regular contributors?
[Thank you and as to whether or not I’m a lurker depends on what your definition is. Am I a member of the forum but a non-poster? Or am I not a member at all? Hmmmmm…?]

I am soooooo looking forward to this fanfic of galaxyMafia’s. I just know it will be a stone gas! – GD

Wentworth Miller fans rejoice!

galaxyMafia has heard your mournful lamentation concerning the fall season finale of "Prison Break" and she, much like that poon hound Bill Clinton, feels your pain.

Because galaxyMafia is a kind and gracious shrew, she has created, for your pleasure, fan fiction in the form of a delightful romantic comedy called, "Ain't that a kick in the head?". It stars Wentworth Miller and Gabrielle Union as an odd couple falling in and out and upside down and right side up and in and out of love!

It's produced by Dreamworks and directed by Nora Ephron. It is written, of course, by galaxyMafia.

Went and Gabby will be called Went and Gabby. Went will play this guy with a hit show and Gabby will be a gal sort of down on her luck because her show just got cancelled.

There will be fireworks, cotton candy and plenty of sappy romance!!!!

I'll write the first installment in a few days. First, I have to go and slave for the good folks down a Barnes and Noble. (Go Brice!! You cheeky bookseller!!!)

galaxyMafia. . .is kinda sorta excited about writing this. . .for right now anyway but, like all things, she expects this feeling to quickly peter off into crushing apathy. . .sigh

Italian actor and model.
Birth date: August 14, 1971
Height: 5’9”/1.81 [Yes I know he’s too short for you galazyMafia!]
Eyes: Green
Hair: Black
Webpage: http://www.raoulbova.it

LOL! Certain congregants are in an uproar over my posts! How did they even find our blog?

So what would Mr. Miller do? Would he “fess up” and reveal himself? I don’t know. I think there is a very mischivious spirit hiding behind that oh so calm and composed exterior…a petulent Puck so to speak…

witchoo, a self-described loyal viewer, had this to say:
OMG - FESS UP YOU!!!!!
[As our President’s dad would say…not gonna do it! LOL I’ll continue to lurk and enjoy the fun thanks!]

Sueli769, a self-described Video Archivist, had this to say:
OMG! I want this as my wallpaper now. [scroll down to SpongeBob and Went found in same blog witchoo linked to above]
[You are welcome to any of my original Wenty-fresh art! Just give me credit for it please.]

Consider this your methadone dose for the day:

From The First Church Of Wentworth Miller thread on Television Without Pity

kabesa, a self-described loyal viewer, had this to say:

Ladies, the more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that this man cannot be human. He's just an evil joke of Mother Nature hatched to torture and exorcise us with his divine perfection and to turn even the most complacent woman into a raving lunatic.
[Hmmm…interesting theory. Personally, I think he’s a cyborg…]

As Went…er, I mean Puck would say, Lord, what fools these mortals be! – GD

No Hater-Aid For Me Thanks!

I was talking to galaxyMafia today and she mentioned that Mariah Carey, while being nominated for four American Music Awards, only managed to win one. She finished dispensing this bit of trivial trivia by saying that she knew Ms. Carey’s lack of trophies made me happy (or the fact that she got any disappointed me).

Let the record show – I do not now, nor have I ever felt anything but love for Ms. Carey! Sure, I think she’s a trifling heifer whose divafied antics and questionable fashion sense overshadow her beautiful singing voice but she is a child of God and so not deserving of my hate! Can’t a girl have an Archnemesis without the world thinking I hate her? Just because I’d like to see her in therapy and dressed age appropriately (The Varga Pinup look is so very under 30 and MC is…not) doesn’t mean I’m a hater!

Are we all settled on this now? Glamour Diva wishes Ms. Carey and her five-octave vocal range all the happiness in the world…with a side of Zoloft!

Meeeeooooow…

Does DeLay’s Delay Really Matter?

With the infamous Dick DeGuerin as his lead council me thinks not. So what if his trial doesn't get going until the first of the year? It's not like he'll see any jail time if convicted right? Don't worry Tommy Boy, with Tricky Dicky on your side you'll be back on the Senate floor kicking ass and taking names before we can whistle Dixie!

Although himself a democrat, Mr. DeGuerin represents everything I find most despicable in lawyers – the “defense for dollars” representation. How else to explain his illustrious and varied client list: David Koresh, Robert Durst, Barbara Piotrowski and Richard Minns, and Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison? If I ever break the law I’ll want him on my defense team for sure!



SHUT UP!

This is a new feature I’m premiering today. Every so often I will pen a list of people whose lips I’d like to permanently zip!

Britney Spears/Kevin Federline – Shut your yap! You aren’t the first people to have a kid. No one cares what your baby looks like anyway so stop threatening to sue people who post his pics on their websites. They just want to see if the kid is as homely as his daddy so give’em a break BritBrit! And if he looks like K-Fed then why would you want any one to see him anyway? You should be happy someone besides you, your family, and People Magazine give a damn. Shut Up!

Nicole Richie/Paris Hilton – Stifle yourselves! You just couldn’t be satisfied with having rich daddies could you? No, you just had to invade our homes with your TV shows, sex tapes, teary-eyed confessions of drug use, commercials and (Gasp!) book deals didn’t you? You have absolutely nothing to say. What sort of Jedi Mind Trick did you use on those publishers anyway? And I will add that if you don’t want to give us the details on why the two of you aren’t talking then for pity’s sake stop talking about it! Shut Up!

Tom Cruise – ¡Cierra la boca! Your credibility is ruined. Tuck your tail between your legs and leave us all be for the love of Mike! We don’t care about you, your thoroughly brainwashed, former actress wife or your alien spawn! We don’t even care about the homosexual rumors anymore because you have completely lost your mind! No homosexual man in his right mind would want to do you now anyway. Just go away and be all Scientology absorbed by your damn self. Shut Up!

Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!





Have a terrific Thanksgiving Dear Reader and don’t eat too much! Smooches! – GD














*black and white photo by Cody Adams*

Eeeeeeewwwww!

I don’t know who I feel most sorry for – the young woman in the picture or me for having had this photo burned into my retinas from now until the end of damn time! What circle of hell have we entered when poor, defenseless women are mauled and manhandled by mouth breathing rap moguls (I refuse to believe she’s enjoying that)? I don’t know and I don’t think Dante would know either! Let’s see…Upper or Lower Hell? Oh my, definitely Lower Hell!

There are just so many circles where “Diddy” would feel right at home:

CIRCLE 7.1 – Violence Against Neighbors (I consider it a violent act every time I am forced to listen to him try and fail to spit a verse)
CIRCLE 7.3.3 – Violence Against Art (Talk about fucking it up for everyone…)
CIRCLE 8.1 – Pimps, Panderers, and Seducers (Well…)
CIRCLE 8.5 – Grafters (His whole “career” is nothing but graft!)
CIRCLE 8 – Sowers of Discord/Scandal/Schism (There are those who know the truth and then there are the infidels who claim to love him and everything he’s done for Hip Hop)

Too bad there are only nine circles but then Dante was never forced to gaze upon the slack-jawed visage of “The Diddy”. Lucky stiff… - GD

*Photo stolen from Young, Black, and Fabulous *

The list is the epitome of laziness but do you really think I care? I thought so…

Honesty. We all blather on and on about how important honesty is to us but we don’t really mean it. We don’t want the truth. Like Tom Cruise, we can’t handle the truth! What we want is for someone to validate us, make us feel good about being who we are, just as we are. You know what I have to say about that? TOUGH NUGGIES!

Sometimes people need to be told, for example, that they have stank breath. Screw tact to the sticking place! Instead of wasting money on breath mints just tell the olfactory offender they should buy a tongue scraper or see a doctor because their bad breath is offensive. I mean, I’d rather suffer momentary embarrassment then offend the world at large! I think we’d cut down on a lot of confusion if we were just truthful with each other. How can we be accepted for who we are if we’re constantly keeping that person hidden?

So on that note, please read the following things I wish men and women would say to each other:

Things I Wish Men Would Say

*Yes your ass looks fat in those terrycloth sweatpants but I like a big, fat, jiggly ass. That’s why I’m with you.

*No, I’m not joking. I really do want a threesome with you and your best friend.

*The reason I don’t screw around is not because I love you but because I don’t want to get caught and have to give you half of my shit!

*I don’t want to cook or clean the house because that’s the woman’s job.

*I like the idea of being a father I just don’t want to be a parent.

*It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just sometimes I don’t feel like seeing your face or hearing your voice.

Things I Wish Women Would Say

*I thought I could change you, I utterly failed in that pursuit, I feel trapped in this relationship and now I’m bitter and that’s why I’ve been acting like a total shrew for the last five years!

*I married you because I have only three eggs left and I don’t want to die alone in my apartment with thirty cats.

*The reason I don’t screw around is not because I love you but because I’m too old and tired to start the dating process all over again if I get caught!

*No, I’m not joking. I really do want a threesome with you and your best friend.

*If you want me to do the things the porn girls do then you’ll have to pay me the same amount of money!

*It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just sometimes I don’t want you to touch me or speak to me.

I’ve decided that I will no longer lie to people to save their feelings. If they can’t take my yes or no answer then I will be forced to unleash the unflattering truth. – GD

To keep myself from becoming a broken woman after November 28, I’ve decided to begin the weaning process now, sort of like my own methadone treatment plan.

You have to fight pretty with pretty and what better way to do that than with Brazilian Models! Why Brazil you ask? Well I think Brazilians are beautiful people and that’s why I dig them! [¡Que Lindo! (I know that’s Spanish but I don’t speak Portuguese)] Actually, I have a particular fondness for all things Afro-Latin: Brazil, Puerto Rico (¡Boriqua!), Panamá, La República Dominica, Cuba, etc. There is just something so striking about that Spanish/Indigenous Peoples/African mix! [¡La gente está muy fascinando!]

For the next few weeks I will make El sacrificio grande and scour the net for beautiful Latino men for you to drool over. Please don’t thank me. I know it’s a difficult, time consuming task but I do it because I love you!












Consider this your methadone dose for the day:

From The First Church Of Wentworth Miller thread on Television Without Pity

LiylaZ, a self-described loyal viewer, had this to say:

Ladies, I have a theory for the mystery of the blue steel--According to the People interview, Wentworth has been single for over a year, right? And we know that he's too busy to have a relationship right now, right? Well, if that's the case, then perhaps the reason behind all those incredibly hot, intense gazes is that he has an excess of sexual energy pent up, and his eyes are a means to express those feelings. Like, I'm sure ya'll know how men get this really hot look in their eyes when they want to get it on--maybe Wentworth's mesmerizing gaze is a result of sexuality that is begging to be satisfied? In other words, perhaps he needs to have the brains screwed out of him. And because Wentworth has naturally gorgeous eyes, it only adds to the intensity of the gaze. So, maybe when he's doing a particularly blue-steely shot, he fixes an image of a woman he's about to make love to--after so long without sex--in his mind, and thus achieves the intensity that would otherwise be nigh impossible for a regular man.

¡Glamour Diva es una “Gasolina”! - GD

Mind where you step…

The Boondocks...Huzzah!

Aaron McGruder may well be the most reviled man on television today. But this is somehow strangely fitting as he was recently the most reviled man in the comic strip business. He’s been called astute as much as he’s been called racist and just plain old uncouth. The white folks don’t like him because they say he insights hate…mostly against them. And the black folks? Well we shake our fingers and tsk, tsk, tsk him in public but in private we all sit around nodding our heads in the affirmative, agreeing with everything he says!

If you’ve been living under a rock (or living in a city that refuses to run Mr. McGruder’s strip) for the last few years, I’ll catch you up on the premise of the strip and the show. Huey Freeman and his younger brother Riley leave their innercity home to live with their Grandfather, affectionately referred to as “Granddad”, in the predominantly white suburbs. Now imagine a pint-sized Huey P. Newton and his pint-sized 50 Cent little brother being raised by George Jefferson and I’m sure you’ll get the gist… Check out The Boondocks on the Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. Oh and after you watch it, tell me what you think!

And speaking of the reviled...

What The Hell Is Wrong With Andy Rooney?

I know he’s really dead, been dead for years, but someone thinks it’s funny to keep reanimating his corpse so he can spout racist epithets. STOP IT! It’s not funny but more to the point isn’t it illegal to tamper with the bodies of the dead? Seriously people!

So I was minding my own business November 7, 2005, just sitting at my desk listening to the Round Table Discussion on News & Notes with Ed Gordon on NPR when all of a damn sudden, the panelists start talking about Mr. Rooney’s latest case of “foot in mouth” disease. I won’t transcribe it for you baby ‘cause it’s the kind of thing you just have to hear with your own two ears!

So if watching Mr. Rooney vent his spleen on 60 Minutes for the last 150 years hasn’t already convinced you that he’s an ig’nant fool then click here and hear it for yourself. And if you start bleeding from the ears don’t say you weren’t warned!

Blast From The [not so distant] Past

Rick Astley. Name sound familiar?

If your were alive during the late 80’s then you will recognize that smashing red pompadour affixed atop the personage of England’s own Blue-eyed Soul sensation Rick Astley. Don’t front. You know you used to dance around your room wearing a black and gold braided headband in your “Choose Life” T-shirt, using a rainbow crazy straw as a microphone while singing “Never Gonna Give You Up”!

Admit it. You couldn’t get enough of his boy next-door good looks (He didn’t have a busted up grill…in the 80’s no less! That’s saying a lot considering he’s a Brit and advanced orthodontia techniques only arrived on their shores in the mid 90’s).

Also, Mr. Astley only had one dance but it was a doosey! Note to future white singers; don’t worry if you can’t dance like Usher (or even lame ass Justin Timberlake) you don’t need to hire choreographers. Get one good dance move down, update every 2-3 years and you’re good to go!

Even though Mr. Astley didn’t chart in the US again after 1992, he’s been going strong in Great Britain. He and his voice have aged well! Check out his new CD of standards and let me know what you think!

And speaking of cute British guys and orthodontia…

They call [him] yuck mouth, ‘cause [he] don’t brush…(C’mon and sing! If you’re over thirty you know the words!)

Last Sunday I was sitting in my living room, minding my own business, when I decided to check out Masterpiece Theatre on PBS. To my great surprise and ecstasy I discovered The Virgin Queen, the story of Britain’s greatest Monarch Queen Elizabeth I.

Now Ms. GD loves herself some Olde Tyme British royalty fo show! Forget about those Windsor pussies (formally known as Saxe-Coburg-Gotha); the Tudors knew how to get a party started and they did so regardless of whether or not you were in a party mood! But more on that later…

So I’m watching the show, loving the vibe, when all of a damn sudden, Robert Dudley (played by Tom Hardy) makes his first appearance on the screen! Now those of you that stayed awake during World History class in High School will remember that Bob was Liz’s childhood friend, confidant, trusted advisor and alleged paramour. When she wouldn’t gap her legs for him he decide to play mattress mambo with her cousin and lady in waiting, Lettice Knowles. But I’m getting ahead of myself and the point of this entry isn’t palace intrigue anyway (see how excited I get?). The point is that the actor who plays Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester, is a complete waste of hotness!

Why, why, why doesn’t Mr. Hardy get his teeth fixed? Let me just say that I’m not talking about slightly discolored teeth of maybe an over bite or even a little crowding at the bottom. I’m talking about Full Metal Jacked! Major crowding on the top and bottom, plus over bite and…and this is the kicker…one of his two front teeth looks to be hidden behind the other giving him the impression of having only one front tooth! Gag me with an Elizabethan-style ruff!

Why would someone with such smoldering hotness (those lips, those eyes!) refuse to fix his grill? Pretense can work both ways you know. I get tired of people like him and Jewel talking about how fake society is and how they don’t have to be perfect and blah, blah, blah! No one expects or wants you to be perfect. We just want you to get your grill hammered out so we don’t vomit when you open your damn mouth! Home skillet needs to dismount that British high horse and visit a damn orthodontist – right fast and in a hurry as we say down here on the Gulf Coast!!

Anyway, watch the show and tell me what you think!

Come Back To The Five and Dime Harriet Miers, Harriet Miers!

I divined it!

Didn’t I say we’d be wishing we hadn’t given Old Lady Miers the bum’s rush so quickly? Now we have Judge Samuel Alito Jr. to contend with and, I fear, he won’t be so easily kicked to the curb. I don’t care if he was a Little League coach! I wouldn’t care if he fed baby seals while simultaneously using his body as a shield to stop the homeless from being clubbed to death! I…wait a sec…I think I might have gotten those two mixed up. Let me dial down my righteous indignation real quick. Pardon me please.

[Click, click, click…]

Okay, like I was saying, the road to hell is paved with good intentions damn it! I don’t want some lily-livered ultra conservative asshole on the bench…for life! There are already too many lily-livered ultra conservative assholes on the bench right now! People keep saying, “Oh don’t judge him according to what he may or may not have said twenty years ago.” BULLSHIT! I know that if I got a job that I could keep until I shriveled up and died and couldn’t be fired from even if I made a bad decision, I wouldn’t let something like the will of the people get in the way of me doing what ever the hell I wanted to do! That’s human nature. We will always try to get by on something and Alito will do the same. Mark my words.

By the pricking of my thumbs something wicked this way comes…It’s…THANKSGIVING! BwaaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaaaaaaaaaa! - GD

Let me just start by saying that I LOVE Television Without Pity! So imagine my joy when I discovered that I could now satisfy my Prison Break/Wenty Miller addiction all in one place. However (Oh you knew there would be a however didn’t you?), things are getting way out of hand on the TVWoP-WM board. I know it’s all fun and games and I enjoy it too but still, The First Church of Wentworth Miller? Really now ladies… [Giggling as I take my seat on the front pew]

Official Pretty Central Dictionary a.k.a Wentionary – Wentsters edition (Posted by witchoo)

Wenticon - the lexicon of Went, the language of P.C. or "How to tell if you are talking to a TWoPper"
Wentastic - Went + fantastic
Wentacular - Went + spectacular
Wentathon - A marathon of Went
Wenterful - Wonderful Went (see you're catching on! Good :)
Wentgasm - Involuntary orgasm due to unexpected overdose of Went. Could be caused by a single word, look or picture. Frankly anything Wentworth related. also see: mini-wentgasm
Wentgasmic - see: Polished Oak, Liquid Sex, The Voice, Blue Steele, "Here Kitty Kitty Kitty" etc. etc.
WentJr. (changed from Mini-Went to protect the innocent) - The Peen
The Swing - see above
Wentasy - fantasies of Went
OOOH - Obsessive Object of Horniness
OWD - Obsessive Wentworth Disorder
BBTP - Blinded by The Pretty ie: missing 4 minute monologue by Went to Westmoreland and having to rewind twice, perhaps three times to actually hear the dialogue. Also; accidentally crashing your car into something because your cell phone rang to the tune of the sweet dulcet tones of "it's representative of a conspiracy at the Highest Levels" - don't worry, we're all just fine.
Kitty - Need I say more?
TOTO - To Old To (be) Obsessing
Did you hear that sound? - It’s the sound of my panties slipping to the floor.
Adorkable
SFC - The Swiffer Fashion Crisis
Polished Oak - The Voice, see also Liquid Sex
Mole Love - Strange, yet irrepressible desire to lick the mole, see also, Scar Love, Ear
Love, Neck Love, Peen Love
Wenthead - A WM fan.
Wentism - A WM quote.
Wentdrawal - A period without new PB episodes, pictures or gossip about WM.
Wentervention - friends, family and coworkers attempting to get you off the Went
Wentaholic - Powerfully addicted to WM
Went - fuddled - see BBTP
Wentsctacy - Bliss or rapture that comes only from viewing/discussing the Went.
Wentophile - See Prettyphile - Lover of all things Went; somebody who greatly admires Wentworth.
Crackworth Miller - He is our crack
Wentdream
Wentlicious
Wentmerized - An involuntary reaction to the moving image and voice of WM, inducing a trance-like state of being.

And I will add: Wenty-fresh

I will cry a river of tears Novemeber 28. No more Pretty until 2006. Waaaaaaah!- GD

Once in a while, there comes a man that you never want to meet again for as long as he lives. He's the guy that you just want to bash over the head with a Louisville Slugger. Repeatedly.
That you and this man actually have to live on the same planet is reprehensible.
If black holes were worth a damn, one would swallow this guy up.
galaxyMafia could go on but, without further ado (about much of nothing), she presents her new series (which she may or may not keep up. . .y'all do remember what happened to Tasty Monday, right. . .? Lost its flavor. Oh well, taste buds change every seven years anyway so who the hell can you sue, eh? ):

HEY ASSHOLE, I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR BASTARD ASS AGAIN!

Mr. “I didn’t expect to really like you. . .”

Don’t you just love this chap.
He didn’t expect to like you, he says. This is not even a left-handed compliment. The least he could have said was that the dress looks surprisingly good on you despite your gelatinous ass. He didn’t think he would like you means he is surprised (and not necessarily pleasantly) that you are an intelligent woman, with a commanding knowledge of the English language, and a quick wit who is able to opine and expound up a wide variety of social, political and economic topics. It’s the old “icing on the cake” syndrome. You know, the man can eat cake without frosting but if there’s frosting, cool, why not, eh?

What the guy expected was to pork you, and then scram.
But upon meeting you, he discovered that you could, indeed, string three compound complex sentences together without tripping over your tongue. You know what a catalytic converter is. And you, as well, were screaming at the TV during the game last Sunday when the home team opted to run the ball instead of throwing short passes to gain yardage and advance down the field to get in good position for a field goal.

Now the guy realizes that he can actually talk to you before he porks you.

How fortuitous for him!

What a colossal waste of time for you!

copyright 2005
galaxyMafia

Pay No Attention To The White Man Behind The Gorgeous Ebony God!

Oh my Goodness!!! I am so in love.

You can’t tell here because the photograph is in black and white but Ladies, Monsieur Willy Monfret has the most beautiful blue eyes! I couldn’t download the color pictures but just trust me on this one okay? There isn’t a lot of information on him. What information there is is in French and my French is far worse than my Spanish. What I’ve been able to gather is that he was something of a track star (hurdles and sprints) before he made the transition to rugby.

But what team does he play for and what the hell is he doing now?!?!? Leaping Lizards! That bellybutton was made for licking! And the rest of his perfect, lean body? Well you know...

Mon Dieu! (That’s about the extent of my French but it is fitting, no?) – GD

But soft! What light through yonder green eyes breaks? It is the East, and Wentworth is the sun!

The Marketing Orcs have run amuck! [Singing and dancing around my computer] Amuck, amuck, amuck, amuck!


Mariah Carey is the cloven-hoofed, fire breathing, triple breasted whore of Satan. There, I’ve said it. I don’t mind taking the hit for the rest of the team ‘cause I know you all were thinking it too! Moving on…

So she has only two breasts but I truly believe she has sold her soul to Lucifer in exchange for megastardom. When she isn’t suckling at the teat of the Anti-Christ she works as consultant to the Marketing Orcs – Entertainment Division! Enter one Brett Ratner and his big idea for a little show called Prison Break…

It’s difficult to remain ambivalent about Ms. Carey. I love her voice but the Diva shenanigans and the “tragic mulatto” act are a real turn off. So when I heard that she had released a new CD I was distressed to say the least, that is until I saw the videos. Never mind screeching Mimi, who the bloody hell is that man she’s making sweet, video love with? And why is he allowing her to soil his beautiful, slender, delicate hands? That was my first reaction to the sight of “The Pretty”, a day which will live in infamy.

After I picked myself up off the floor, wiped the drool from my face and changed into a pair of dry undies, I logged on to Google and discovered that the hot piece of video ass was none other than The Wentworth Miller, the man I’d previously spontaneously orgasmed to [In a darkened movie theater no one can hear you climax – sorry Ridley Scott] while watching The Human Stain just two years ago! And why is he co-starring in Ms. Carey’s video? Brett Ratner directed it of course! And wow, now he’s in a primetime show on Fox! And he’s the star! And Brett Ratner is the Executive Producer! Will wonders ever cease? Not if the Marketing Orcs have their way…

What a difference two years can make! Especially when you’re handsome, lithe, the Executive Producer of your new show has leased his soul (with an option to buy, depending on if anyone can be convinced to pony up the cheese to see X-Men 3) to the Marketing Orcs, and you have a popular television show branded on your very image.

And boy what an image! We see him everywhere now. Busses, billboards, TV and magazines all shout, “Ubiquity, thy name is Wentworth Miller!” Now don’t get it twisted, Ms. GD ain’t hatin’ baby. I’ve already admitted to my Wenty-fresh addiction ad nauseam in this blog and various message boards. In fact, the first two pictures in this entry are currently push pined to my cubicle wall-natch!

What is so disquieting about all the publicity is how it seems to have reduced the media and private citizens alike into squealing preteens! Just once I would like to read or see an interview with Mr. Miller where some idiot reporter/talk show jockey hasn’t channeled the spirit of Tigerbeat writers past to ask him what he thinks about all the super duper love he’s been getting from fans. Come on! What is he supposed to say - Why yes I am sexy as hell and I do get more pussy (or cock, which ever rumor you believe) then the law allows, thanks for asking? Puh-leeeease! Actually, at this point we’d probably still love him if he did. I for one adore it when people just break that shit right on down. I mean, I think I’m pretty hot too even if I’m not a size six. [Go Ms. GD! Shake what ya Mama gave ya!] He has a fully functioning mind people; you won’t break it if you ask him a few intelligent questions. If anything he’d faint from the shock!

Yes he is physically attractive but the real reason America is flipping it’s lid is because, as I told galaxyMafia as she feigned interest in yet another tirade on The Pretty, he represents the “Holy Grail” of manhood – he’s the epitome of the tall, dark, and handsome stereotype but apparently not aware of it, intelligent and degreed from a prestigious university, well spoken, self-effacing, multitalented (acts and sings although no news yet from the dancing skills front), and undeniably masculine but not overbearingly so. Add to that his supernatural ability to appear relaxed and comfortable while remaining completely closed and unreadable and you have a powerful WOMD: Weapon of Masturbatory Dimensions!

Now let’s discuss the “race” thing for a moment. Much has been made of Mr. Miller’s gumbo-like ethnic makeup. When told about his background, everyone who isn’t lily-white has the same reaction – yeah, and? Unlike white folks, black folks don’t get all bent out of shape and weirded out about that type of thing. We know that after 300 or so years of living in this country some of us, and I would hazard to say most of us, have ceased to be as black as we were then! There is only so much sustained forced or consensual sex you can have before certain genetic markers begin to pop up in your progeny. And American blacks are OK with that. We’ve accepted it. It’s a moot point in our community. But white folks can’t seem to wrap their minds around it!

On all the boards I’ve visited there is at least one post from some ig’nant white mother fucker about how “surprised” they were to discover that Mr. Miller has “one drop of black blood” in him and how he [¡Que Horror!] “still” manages to be awesomely gorgeous! And my personal favorite, “How can he ‘play’ a white man on the show if he isn’t really white?” What the fuck!?!? What about Keanu Reeves? He’s half Asian but you’ve been able to accept him as a white man during his whole career without once having a brain aneurysm over the fact!

So what I’ve been able to surmise from all the peculiar comments is that if he were obviously black (Denzel Washington, Halle Berry, Sidney Poitier, Alfre Woodard) or worse, offensively black (Bokeem Woodbine, CCH Pounder, Djimon Hounsou, Cicely Tyson), that he couldn’t be beautiful or maybe you could secretly dig him but just not say so in public? For the love of everything that is sacred and holy white people, get your heads out of your flat asses and recognize the beauty and variety that is human kind! Why must everything be packaged in small, predigested, immediately recognizable bites for you? And why would you want to live in a world where everything and everyone looked the same anyway? Boooooooooooring!

[Ms. GD steps down from soapbox and sheaths designer fist made specially for shaking at Ignorance, Inequality, Hatred and Sheer Stupidity.]

But maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on the white people. After all, it’s the Marketing Orcs that started this whole thing. They’ve accomplished the heretofore impossible, found one person that all America can lust over equally. And wasn’t that the purpose anyway (well that and the cash we’re all doling out for anything Went-worthy)? Don’t get me wrong; Mr. Miller has the raw talent to overcome any obstacle. He just needs more experience and the unholy alliance between the Marketing Orcs and the management professionals handling his career will see that he gets it!

A Thousand Points of Lust (but for my purposes here I’ll list only the top six)

*Claims Scrabble as his favorite board game

*Princeton Senior Theses title: Doubling and the Identity Construct in Charlotte Perkins Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper," Jean Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea, and Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre

*Self-professed “romantic”, digging the flowers, roaring fireplace, wine, long walks on the beach, etc.

*Has the greenest green eyes on all of God’s green earth!

*Is tall and skinny

*Is taller than Ms.GD (which isn’t that great of an accomplishment but at least I’d be able to wear heels while serving as his arm accessory)

Cry "Havoc," and let slip the Orcs of Marketing! Amuck, amuck, amuck, amuck! – GD