TICKING TIME BOMB. . .

Category: , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia












Well. . .this just about sums the game up.



The Hurricanes might blow up but, they ain’t (as we used to say in the early 90’s) tha bomb. . .

1 John Schwalger
2 Andrew Hore
3 Neemia Tialata
4 Paul Tito
5 Jason Eaton
6 Jerry Collins
7 Chris Masoe
8 Rodney So’oialo (capt)
9 Alby Mathewson
10 Piri Weepu
11 Hosea Gear
12 Ma’a Nonu
13 Conrad Smith
14 Shannon Paku
15 Cory Jane

The lineup for the match against the Bulls looks like a Super 14 2006 lineup, too but, looks are don't mean a damn thing. This is not your world class Super 14 2006 finalist team, not by a damn long shot.

Despite a starting XV Canes lineup resembling a Super 14 2006 lineup, the Hurricanes sank like so many porous stones last week in the match against the Lions, who snarled, pounced and ripped them to shreds.

At the end of the murderous mauling, the score was a humiliating 30-7. The Lions certainly were braced for impact as the Canes got twisted up in the eye of their own storm, playing the keystone rugby (missed tackles, dropped balls, weak passes) that has become their hallmark of late.

Colin Cooper’s desperate gamble of starting all six returning ABs did not pay off. It was a long-shot crap shoot at best, and Cooper rolled Snake Eyes as the “gang of six” failed to bring the destruction, terror and mayhem that Collins & Co. did last year.

The Lions took the Canes to school, but it’s unclear whether or not they learned their lesson. You can blame the forwards, or you can point fingers at the backs but, the fact is, much like sex, rugby is a mind game, and the Canes just ain’t thinking about Super 14.

It’s World Cup year, and Tialata’s hollow, glazed, wild-eyed stare is proof that these men are feeling the pressure to make Graham Henry’s 30-man squad. Henry himself has subtly alluded that this Super 14 season might have to be sacrificed for the World Cup, and many of the Canes players seem to have bought that bridge.

Besides their six re-conditioned Abs (more on that later, in another post), they have at least three or four other guys who could make Henry’s precision cut. Indeed, it doesn’t help their concentration on the Super 14 task at hand when the Puppet Master sits on the sidelines at practices, sizing up the players, looking for flaws, deficiencies, and inconsistencies.

The next game truly is piss, or get off the pot, n!gga. The Canes gotta bring it like they ain’t neva brought it before, or they can pretty much send this season off to hell in a handbasket.

Cooper’s feeling the noose around his neck, and he’s making more radical changes, hoping something works, if it’s nothing but the law of damn averages which says they can’t keep losing.

So Colin’s moving Piri Weepu (who ditched the Allen “A.I.” Iverson braids) to number10, a position usually played by Gopperth, or Stewart. Cooper’s a bit miffed with James at the moment but, who knows why? I mean, a blind man with bifocals can see that Jimmy will miss a damn kick. That’s what Gopperth does, he misses kicks so I don’t know why Cooper is PMSing about it.

The scrum-half Weepu is a bit caught off guard but, willing to get in there and give it his all. Not that he has a choice. You see, Ted was at practice, and gave the thumbs up to Cooper’s decision to kick Gopperth and Stewart to the curb. Weepu’s a versatile player, and no doubt, Henry wants to see how he can squeeze all the life blood. . .er, I mean, make the most of Weepu’s talents in France, should the back-loaded scrum-half be chosen.

Shannon Paku is coming in for Lome Fa’atau who seems to have forgotten how to score tries, and Little Tana (Ma’a Nonu) is subbing for Big Daddy Umaga who’s having some issues. The good news is, Cooper has regained some of his senses and put David Smith on the reserves bench, and I’m hoping this tasty, talented F.O.B. gets a chance to shine.

Once again, all six ABs a playing, even though Collins is having a foot challenge, having come up a bit lame in the game against the Lions.

Nevertheless, the fact is, the Canes have to start winning, or they might as well go home and call it a damn day.
 

The Podcast That Ate Super 14!

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia


In this episode The Sushi Girls™ “Shout” about the return of Jerry “The Hitman” Collins to week eight of the Super 14! Listen as they: give thanks to their mothers for putting up with their crap, give you their take on the “Sexiest Guys of Super 14 2007”, serenade Jerry Collins with a revamped version of one of Glamour Diva’s favorite songs from a musical, marvel over Piri Weepu’s weight loss – in every area except his ASS, discuss André Pretorius and his moonlighting as an evil scientist, muse over the mass exodus of New Zealand’s hottest players, scream over Neemia Tialata’s historic change of underwear, debate the light skin /dark skin battle of who’s the prettiest and much, much more!

Sexiest Guys of Super 14 2007 – Who are your picks?



And last but not least…Glamour Diva’s hard as fuck Nesian Rugby Players Word Search! Click to enlarge the puzzle or email Ms. GD for an even larger copy. Along with the completed puzzle please include the following in your email:

Name
Where you live
How you found our blog/podcast



Now without further ado, this week's podcast…

Hurricanes Vs Lions, Parts 1&2 – Commentary recorded Saturday, March 24, 2007

Warning: this podcast is definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK so download our foolishness at your peril…

If you'd like to watch this game while listening to our commentary you may download it at Media Zone . Click on The Rugby Channel then click Super 14 and from there choose the appropriate game.

Hate it or love it we want to hear from YOU! Send all your complements, questions, suggestions, and complaints to Ms. GD and GM at the_sushi_diaries@yahoo.com. If we really dig your comments we’ll even give you a shout out during the next podcast!

Smooches,
Glamour Diva and galaxyMafia
 

Hurricanes 4 Life

Category: , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia



Despite the fact that the 'Canes got spanked by the Lions, a team that was on the bottom rung of the Super 14 point ladder, galaxyMafia is still down fo' dem n!gga$, yo!

copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia
 

Sione shook me all night long. . .

Category: , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia



Well. . .galaxyMafia found the perfect song for the way she (currently, at the time but who knows if the tides will change) feels about our Sexy Sione. . .and she doesn't really even like Alicia Keys. . .but, she remembered this song from her sister listening to it. . .

Anyhoo, before you ask, yes, I recorded most of this footage from my computer screen. galaxyMafia could lie and say she was trying to be artistic with a "voyeuristic/documentary with old negatives found in the attic spliced together" theme but. . .there is hardly NO fodder to be had of this man. . .which is a damn shame because he is the sexiest Tongan on earth! You would think the country would do more to promote him better. . .they are in the middle of chaos what with the king dying, they need a reason to get tourism to that tiny Pacific Island nation. . .

Dear Tonga Tourism Board. . .put Sione lauaki on the cover of your brochure and you'll be the next Bahamas!

copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia REALLY needs a real life. . .*sigh*
 

Separated at birth. . .????

Category: By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia






















copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia was just wondering. . .

 

SINK OR SWIM, N!GGA$

Category: , , , , , , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia













1 John Schwalger
2 Andrew Hore
3 Neemia Tialata
4 Paul Tito
5 Jason Eaton
6 Jerry Collins
7 Chris Masoe
8 Rodney So’oialo (capt)
9 Piri Weepu
10 Blair Stewart
11 Hosea Gear
12 Tana Umaga
13 Conrad Smith
14 Lome Fa’atau
15 Cory Jane

Is it just galaxyMafia, or does Colin Cooper’s Hurricanes lineup for the game against the Lions look like a Hurricanes lineup from Super 14 2006?

The six conditioning All Blacks just got back – Jerry Collins barely finished dying his hair, Chris Masoe was in the grocery store buying Wheatabix for Lara Heise, Piri Weepu just got his braids did, etc. – and already Cooper’s got them in the starting XV. "Get to tha pitch, niggas," Cooper might have said. "Drop whatcha doin' and report to tha pitch! Stat, nigga, stat!"

With this lineup, Cooper has admitted he is a desperate man, gasping for air, throwing it all up against the wall, and hoping something sticks. . .

The Hurricanes are at a crucial fork in the road to the Super 14 finals, and Cooper is no doubt feeling the pressure. After all, his predecessor (whose name galaxyMafia can’t remember, if she ever knew it and she’s too lazy to look it up) took the Hurricanes to the Finals where they played the Crusaders in the fog. Yeah, them bustas lost but, they went to the Finals.

To not make it to the semifinals at least would have Cooper looking like a goat. To piss off Jerry “The Hitman” Collins is a fate worse than having Tialata fall on you, and already, Collins is mad as hell about the Canes candy-ass performances. The boys have lost three in a row and if they lose again, Jerry says the season is pretty much over. And you know he called the guys together and told them he’d break his re-conditioned foot off in they a$$ if they don’t win this next game.

“I don’t want no scrub. . .a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love. . .”

Most of the Hurricanes’ scrubs have been sent packing, “. . .to tha left, to tha left. . .all ya crap from tha locker in a box to tha left. . .” and to some extent, it’s not surprising.

After all, many of the scrubs were just collecting a check. I mean, Nili Latu. . .? Did he even show up to the games? Did he play? Serge Lilo? What the hell did he do except stand around on the pitch scratching his ass? Tone Kopelani? Tim Fairbrother? Fair. . .who. . .?

“You’re a shining star. . .”

The stand-out exception to the scrubs: David Smith.

The Hurricanes were lucky to get this rare, natural talent. Every game, Smith gave his heart, soul, blood, sweat AND tears. He was always out there, goose stepping, making tries, earning his damn keep, yo. He didn’t start unnecessary fights (*cough* Tialata *cough*), never faked an injury so the loss of a game couldn’t be blamed on him (*cough* Nonu *cough) and the way he filled out his yellow jersey! As Ms. GD would say, “LAWD!”

But, was he appreciated for his efforts?

Well, David, this is how you know you are a F.O.B, okay?

For reasons that are known only to Colin Cooper and Co., David Smith was slashed from this week’s starting fifteen, and galaxyMafia thinks that just ain’t right. They didn’t even chose the boy for the reserves! You know somebody in the Canes organization is smoking trees when Serge Lilo and that eyesore Mahonri Schwalger get real estate on the bench.

“So, what happens now. . .?”

The question is. . .will the six returning All Blacks + Lome Fa’atau, 2006’s leading try-scoring and Wellington slut puppy, make a difference? Will less junk in the trunk help Piri “Wobble, wobble” Weepu? Will Rodney “Release these people!” So’oialo pull somebody’s leg the hell off? Will Chris “please take care of yo kids and leave them hos alone” Masoe be able to run without having an asthma attack?

galaxyMafia can only hope!

copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia hopes that whoever stole Mr. Tialata's hair gel and clippers please return them forthwith!
 

Damn But That Was Some Boring Ass Rugby!

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
YAWN! Is it freakin’ OVER yet?

Yes we had still more technical difficulties this episode but let’s be honest here Dear Readers – The game was just so damn boring! OH MY GOODNESS! The Hurricanes…the Hurricanes…we think those were our boys out there on the pitch but we can’t be certain. What we know for sure is that we saw fifteen yellow jerseys ambling around like a gaggle of arthritic retirees on a hot ass golf course somewhere down in Florida so really; it’s anyone’s guess. But the good news is that Jerry Collins & Co. will be back next week to break their feet off (but not literally) in some South African Lions ass so that should be fun. Dear God please let it be fun!

So in lieu of an actual podcast we’d like to offer you these juicy screencaps of the best part of the game – the view of the Hurricanes bench just before half time!

Hurricanes Vs. Sharks Screencaps





Also, don’t forget about Glamour Diva’s hard as fuck Nesian Rugby Players Word Search! [Go on…I dare you to try and solve it! Nay! I double dog dare you…ROSE! – GD] Along with the completed puzzle please include the following in your email:

Name
Where you live
How you found our blog/podcast



Hate it or love it we want to hear from YOU! Send all your complements, questions, suggestions, and complaints to Ms. GD and GM at the_sushi_diaries@yahoo.com. If we really dig your comments we’ll even give you a shout out during the next podcast!

Smooches,
Glamour Diva and galaxyMafia
 

They Put Glamour Diva In An iMix! – Part Eight

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia
If you’ve listened to our podcasts then you already know about my chemical induced, pseudo-love for New Zealand winger Lome Fa’atau. I think about him all day long and, consequently, many of the songs that cycle through my iPod during the day seem to remind me of him and all his matinee idol handsomeness! Sigh. I just want to kiss his lips off ya’ll!





Note: You must have iTunes loaded on your computer before you can listen to the playlists. You don’t have to own a Mac Dear Readers; you only need the iTunes software. Dig it? Enjoy! – GD
 

What's wrong with Neemia. . .????

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia



















Neemia - Super 14 2006



















Neemia - WTF. . .?????

Good LAWD!!!!

Did somebody steal tha boy's hair gel and clippers, or what?

Mr. Tialata, last year, during Super 14 2006, your hair was on point!! You would not step out on the pitch without edging that ish up! I know you must have used a ruler, it was so straight.

Now, your hair is all over your head, and God only knows why? What happened to that tight faux-hawk that thrilled me so?

Sigh. . .

Are you in love? Depressed? Pissed at Perenise for stealing your tighthead position? Worried about impressing Ted and getting selected to go to France? Apprehensive about leaving ya mama and heading to Europe to play in 2008?

Email a sistah and let her know!

Truly, Mr. Tialata, this has gone on too long and must stop!

Get your head together or I really will go back to Lauaki, for real this time!

copyright 2007. . .yes, yes, galaxyMafia knows Sione screws up his hair but, at least he has a damn good reason for doing it!
 

Separated at birth. . .????

Category: , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia



copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia was just wondering. . .

 

Doh! Aargh! Ack! Ugh! Oof! [Insert Violent Scream]

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia


In this episode The Sushi Girls™ “Knew You Were Waiting [For Them]” so they braved extreme technical difficulties to bring you their commentary for week six of the Super 14! Listen as they discuss their opinions on why the Hurricanes are persistently humiliated by lower rung Super 14 teams, the pleasures of fried chicken, Jonah Lomu’s struggle to come to terms with the end of his rugby career, Neemia Tialata’s new facial hair, his continued weight gain and the hidden meaning (if any) behind his striped underwear, galaxyMafia’s wedding song choices and her secret wedding desires which include two rugby players, Glamour Diva’s big-ups to all phenomenal women during Women’s History Month including her phenomenal Niece Diva, GM’s Match Report featuring two stellar standouts and Ms. GD’s opinions on why they’re standing out, the winner of the Rugby Moves Crossword Puzzle competition, the NEW Mole and new gossip from said NEW Mole, virginity and it’s pros and cons during dating, Ms. GD’s complete disenchantment with Super 14 rugby since the departure of Lome Fa’atau and much, much more! [Note: Because of the technical difficulties the show ends abruptly at about 1:37:17. Sorry!]

Glamour Diva has made another puzzle [Damn her!]! It’s called the Nesian Rugby Players Word Search and it is not for the faint of heart! The first person to solve it completely and email her with a copy of the completed puzzle wins…[Drumroll Please]…their name read over the podcast! Yes I know it’s still lame as hell but we told you we were skinflints in the first podcast. Don’t front Dear Listeners! Along with the completed puzzle please include the following in your email:

Name
Where you live
How you found our blog/podcast



Now without further ado, this week's podcast…

Warning: this podcast is definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK so download our foolishness at your peril…

Hurricanes Vs Western ForceCommentary recorded Saturday, March 10, 2007

If you'd like to watch this game while listening to our commentary you may download it at Media Zone . Click on The Rugby Channel then click Super 14 and from there choose the appropriate game.

Hate it or love it we want to hear from YOU! Send all your complements, questions, suggestions, and complaints to Ms. GD and GM at the_sushi_diaries@yahoo.com. If we really dig your comments we’ll even give you a shout out during the next podcast!

Smooches,
Glamour Diva and galaxyMafia
 

WAX FANTASY

Category: , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia


Oops. . .galaxyMafia did it again!!

Bored and up late at night, she created this video for our Sexy Sione.

As always, you can get it on You Tube but, here it is if (like galaxyMafia) you are too lazy to travel that way. . .








copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia
 

The Lords Of The Pitch: The Return Of The Fa'atau

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia

In this episode The Sushi Girls™ find their “Love Man” as well as the strength to progress to week five of the Super 14! Listen as they discuss the triumphant return of Lome Fa’atau and the poem Glamour Diva composed in his honor, galaxyMafia’s conspiracy theory on what exactly is occurring in the “All Black’s Reconditioning Program”, the contributions of African Americans in taming the American West, the New Zealand obsession with all things rugby…to the exclusion of all else, Neemia Tialata’s continued boycott of all things hair gel, Glamour Diva’s irrational fear of white South Africans, GM’s gossip report from The Mole concerning Jerry Collins’ dating choices and NZ ruggers and the prostitutes and porno actresses who “love” them, International Hot Pieces of Rugby Trash, GM’s Rugby Romance Report, the continued mistreatment of Polynesians in NZ Rugby, and Ms. GD’s dirty little secret about Lome Fa’atau and much, much more!

Podcast Reading List
These are the books mentioned in this week’s show!

Jane Sexes It Up: True Confessions of Feminist Desire by Merri Lisa Johnson

Forty Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Black Athlete by William C. Rhoden

The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Attallah Shabazz, Alex Haley, and Malcolm X

Manchild In The Promised Land by Claude Brown

Rugby For Dummies by Patrick Guthrie and Mathew Brown

Now without further ado, this week's podcast…

Warning: this podcast is definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK so download our foolishness at your peril…

Hurricanes Vs StormersCommentary recorded Sunday, March 04, 2007

If you'd like to watch this game while listening to our commentary you may download it at Media Zone . Click on The Rugby Channel then click Super 14 and from there choose the appropriate game.

Hate it or love it we want to hear from YOU! Send all your complements, questions, suggestions, and complaints to Ms. GD and GM at the_sushi_diaries@yahoo.com. If we really dig your comments we’ll give you a shout out during the next podcast!

Smooches,
Glamour Diva and galaxyMafia
 

Neemia - NEVER SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Category: , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia


". . .I told y'all mothafuckas, I ain't neva scared. . ."

galaxyMafia was bored and fooling around on her new computer and created a video dedicated to old Tialata.

You can find it on YouTube but, here's the link. . .




copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia. . .needs a damn life, fo shizzle!!

 

WELCOME BACK, LOME!!

Category: , , , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia


"Welcome Back, Lome"
[Sung in the key and style of the theme song to "Welcome Back, Kotter"]

Welcome Back,
When they didn’t let you start, we wondered why

Welcome back
‘cause you’re always guaranteed to make a try

Hosea Gear can’t take your place,
Can’t wait to see your handsome face

Try-scoring leader (try-scoring leader)
‘Canes know they need ya (Hell ya they need ya)

Thank God they made the switch
And put Lome on the pitch, welcome back

Welcome back
Welcome back
Welcome back

copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia

 

DANGEROUSLY IN LUST. . .

Category: , , , By Glamour Diva & galaxyMafia


Last night, galaxyMafia downloaded, and subsequently watched the Bulls vs Chiefs Super 14 match. In a word, it was boring, and that’s putting it nicely, which is what good Southern gals like galaxyMafia do. But, to be honest, she wasn’t looking for a thrill-a-minute try-scoring bonanza that would have had her screaming at the top of her lungs, leaving her limp and dazed. The boys from Hamilton are as dull as butter knives, and in that respect they did not disappoint. Truthfully, galaxyMafia only downloaded the game to check out our sexy Sione, to see how he played his first game since his injury, and to snag some hot screen caps.

Alas, it was not meant to be.

Lauaki did as well as was expected from the “big man” (e.g. 265lbs, thanks Debalina for the conversion!), and his hair was looking, as Ms. GD would say, “right” but the monkeys in charge of broadcasting rugby in South Africa are more interested in showcasing the locals, or their obscene, skanky cheerleaders. Basically, these gals are low-rent strippers, not even worthy of the delusional “exotic dancer” title. With little rhythm, and hardly any coordination or choreography, they prance around in denim booty shorts and cowboy boots. Are they trying to dip it? Pop it? Twerk it? Drop it? The world may never know.

Anyway, Sione made lots of bruising, mind-numbing tackles, the kind that got Jerry Collins the cover of NZRugby magazine however, the monkeys weren’t impressed with Sione’s efforts, apparently. Maybe they didn't appreciate the way he took Brian Habana to school. Honestly, galaxyMafia saw more close-ups of Sione when he was on the sidelines (looking quite tasty in jeans and a white button down shirt) during the Hurricanes vs Chiefs game.

galaxyMafia is a bit upset that she wasted $3.99, and she may wait until the Chiefs play at home in Hamilton before she throws good money after bad. Maybe Sione will get some respect in the town where he’s known for brawling in pubs because he can’t hold his grog.

In the meantime, galaxyMafia thought of some ways Wax might earn more “face time” during games.



TOP FIVE WAYS SIONE CAN GET MORE CLOSE-UPS DURING MATCHES:

Score more tries
Let’s face it. When you score, everybody loves you. Especially the camera.

Make a dangerous tackle
Grab a winger around the head and wrestle him violently to the ground as if he were a helpless, new born baby calf. You’ll get at least three instant replays, two of them in slow-mo as the commentators cast stones at your dirty tactics.

Get yellow carded for dangerous tackle mentioned above
Not only will the camera follow you into the sin bin but, it will return often, hoping to catch you looking like a dejected goat

Fight
Hey, it always works for Tialata

Get injured
Not good for your career but a player sprawled out on the pitch in excruciating pain always warrants a tight shot

copyright 2007. . .galaxyMafia