So what are some of your favorite non-rugby/non-NFL hot boys up to? Well from the looks of things not a whole hell of a lot! But it really doesn’t matter because all we care about is how hot they are thus the title of this post!

The Smile That Launched A Thousand Orgasms
Oh dear A.C. Slater you are just the most adorable smoochie face! I swear I could just dive right into those dimples and drown in your exquisite cuteness! Dancing with the Stars did nothing for your career but so what? You’re hosting some crazy dance show on MTV and working on replacing Dean Cain as the king of Lifetime Movie Network. No hate here Mario…nuthin but love…

Adios Chulo! Mario Lopez pics found here.

Don’t Talk, Just Listen
No seriously, don’t talk! Hearing you speak would only make our coochies dry and who among us want’s that? But let’s not dwell on your hideous girlie voice. We shall endeavor to put that out of our minds and focus on your chiseled abs! Mmmmmm…yeessssssss…

We see you too Becks! Beckham pics found here.

And The Battle Rages On
In this corner wearing el traje de Charro we have the young upstart Alejandro Fernández! He comes from a long line of sexy Mexicanos – Papá Vicente Fernández has been knockin’em dead with his tight ass Charro suits and pencil mustache for over forty years – so you know he ain’t no punk!

Alejandro pics found here.

And in this corner wearing classic denim is Rock and/or Roll legend Chubby Checker! He may have thirty years on El pequeño Fernández but he also has experience on his side – this ain’t his first rodeo yo! He’s been working those tight ass pants since tight ass pants were invented in the 60’s! And dancing in those bad boys too! Check out those Cat Daddy boots ya'll!

Chubby pics found here.

So Dear Readers, who wins this round? Age and experience over sexy, young hotness? YOU MAKE THE CALL! The winner will receive an industrial size tube of jock itch cream and a nice pair of loose fitting, old school boxers. - GD

Girl Please!

I haven’t done one of these in SOOOOOOOOO long but I just couldn’t resist sharing some of my new favorite comedy clips with you, my dearest Dear Readers. Therefore, let us all take a moment to let loose a hearty WOOT! WOOT! as we sample the funny!

Dr. Tran's Quiet Log Time
More raw, kick ass action from the incredible Dr. Tran!


Flight of the Conchords - Episode 1
This show is so damned funny! I love their deadpan delivery! I can’t wait for the next episode ya’ll!


Flight of the Conchords - Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros
There ain’t no party like a Nanna tea party ‘cause a Nanna tea party won’t…STOP!


Sarah Silverman attacks Paris Hilton
This was made by a PH supporter and was supposed to make Ms. Silverman look bad but I think it just showcases how funny she is…


Chabal's Huge hit on Masoe - New Zealand v France - 02/06/07
While not officially comedy, it’s still the funniest thing I’ve seem in ages!


Have a great week Dear Readers and don’t work too hard! – GD

Ruben Studdard – R&B singer and winner of American Idol – Season 2.

Here is another example of someone who isn’t “technically” homely but in our body obsessed culture F. A. T. always equals U. G. L. Y. so we’ll work from that construct. Now having said that I must admit that Mr. Studdard is definitely not what I’d consider my perfect body type. I prefer a much thinner man, much thinner than most would expect or even be comfortable with, but there is something very appealing about this man just the same and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it the dimples and that smooth, chocolaty skin? Is it the perfect smile? Is it his powerful and impassioned singing? Or maybe it’s the fact that I know we could both eat the hell out of some food? Meh, I think it’s all of the above! Well as long as we had a big pot of red beans and rice, some collard greens, cornbread, a Sock It To Me cake and I had a HUGE tumbler of whiskey on the rocks…I’d Still Hit It!





Ruben Studdard – Change Me


Ruben Studdard – Sorry For 2004


I hate being on my period. I’m always so damned horny! – GD

If my life were a movie, what would the soundtrack sound like? That is the question I asked myself a few weeks ago when I was sitting at my boring job questioning my existence instead of filing and typing and fending off the advances of several oversexed old men. I couldn’t include every song because that would be like millions of damn songs and anyway, iTunes doesn’t have many of the songs I love so this is really just part one. Maybe when I’m 70 I’ll do another iMix of part two? Wait a sec, the thought of me still writing for this blog at 70 is kind of depressing! Oh well Dear Readers…Smooches!



Note: You must have iTunes loaded on your computer before you can listen to the playlists. You don’t have to own a Mac Dear Readers; you only need the iTunes software. Dig it? Enjoy! – GD

I remember those golden days of childhood, riding in the back seat of my parent’s Buick while the radio blasted the latest hits. The sonorous strains of Earth, Wind, and Fire, Johnny Guitar Watson, Aretha Franklin, The Dramatics, and Millie Jackson (among others) would fill my ears and all us kids would sing along at the top of our lungs like we knew what the hell we were singing! Seriously, how many of you, at the ripe old age of eight, really knew that Bobby Caldwell was singing about a horny-ass, co-dependent woman? Or that the “very, first time” Betty Wright was singing about was the first time she got laid? I mean for all you knew she could have been talking about the first time she got to stay up late or the first time she got to ride her bike…alone!

But you see all that didn’t matter because the only thing that mattered was that we were having fun while engaging in an activity that was free of charge and one that bound us, not only to our family and friends, but to every other black person across America! A month or so ago, me and a few friends of mine (people I’ve known since high school) got together and saw comedian Rickey Smiley in concert. Now if you’ve never seen Rickey I suggest you do next time he stops in your town. If you have seen him then you already know he’s a sho nuff fool! You also know that at the end of his set he likes to play a few old school jams and have everyone sing along. I can’t adequately explain the sheer beauty of hearing thousands of (primarily) black voices crooning like Lenny Williams and barking to Atomic Dog (Rickey’s a proud Omega)!

While experiencing this I couldn’t help looking around at all those black faces and feeling so very proud to be a part of such a wonderful and joyous celebration of our musical culture. Being in that auditorium with all those people, believe it or not, was just as special as those days spent sitting in the back seat of my parent’s Buick. Below is a list of my favorite old school, sing-a-long joints. It is by no means an exhaustive list therefore I invite you to add your own…so we can all sing like we know what the hell we’re singing…again!

What You Won't Do For Love – Bobby Caldwell

My friends wonder what is wrong with me
Well I'm in a daze from your love, you see
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

Tell Me Something Good – Rufus featuring Chaka Khan

Got no time is what you're known to say
I'll make you wish there were 48 hours to each day
Problem is you ain't been loved like you should
What I got to give will sure 'nuff do you good

Tell me something good (tell me, tell me, tell me)
Tell me that you love me
Tell me something good (tell me, tell me, tell me)
Tell me that you like it, yeah

Happy Feelin’s – Maze featuring Frankie Beverly

Happy feelin's in the air touching people everywhere

Plenty love and everything listen to the people sing
I got myself to remind me of love

My mind and my heart I believe in above

These happy feelin's I'll spread them all over the world

From deep in my soul I wish you
Happy Feelin's Happy Feelin's

Happy Feelin's Happy Feelin's

Square Biz – Teena Marie

I've been called Casper, Shorty, Lil' Bit
And some they call me Vanilla Child
But you know that don't mean my world to me
'Cause baby, names can't cramp my style
[I love chicken] And Buff's collard greens
A little hot water corn bread
I love you too Cat daddy
But don't you let that go to your head
That's what I'm talking, baby
Square Biz, Square Biz

This Is For The Lover In You – Shalamar

(So this is) For the lover in you
(This ring) Means I’ll always be true
(This is) How we’ll start love anew
(This time) It’s gonna last forever

Special Lady – Ray, Goodman & Brown

Before I met you, my sun didn't want to shine
Then all of a sudden you slipped up from behind
Pop (pop) went the reasons in my mind

(You must be a special lady) you're a lady
(And a very exciting girl) so exciting, woo
(You gotta be a special lady) you're a lady
('Cause you got me sittin' on top of the world)
Oh, sittin' on top of the world
You're a lady
(Sittin' on top of the world)
(Sittin' on top of the world)

Ain't No Stopping Us Now – McFadden & Whitehead

I know you know someone who's got a negative vibe
And if you only help it will only keep it alive
They really don't have nowhere to go
Ask 'em where they're going
They don't know
But we won't let nothing hold us back
We gonna get ourselves together
We gonna polish up our act, yeah
And if you've ever been held down before
I know that you’ll refuse to be held down any more

Don't you let nothing, nothing
Stand in your way (No no)
And all we gonna do
I want you to listen, listen
To every word I say
Every word I say

Tonight Is the Night – Betty Wright

Now when I finally got a melody
I took it home and I played it for my mother
Now I got to tell you a little bit about my mother
You see I come from one of those pretty large families
And I’m the baby of the family
And you know you never grow up to your mother
I’ll never forget the way she looked at me when I played it for her
She said, “Uh, I like the music
You know, baby, the melody it’s really nice
But I know you’re not gonna sing that song”
But we eased it right on by, yes, we did

Float On – The Floaters

Cancer and my name is Larry
And I like a woman
That loves everything and everybody
Because I love everybody and everything
And you know what, ladies,
If you feel that this is you
Then this is what I want you to do

Ooh, yeah, take my hand
Let me take you to Love Land
Let me show you how sweet it could be
Sharing your love with Larry, listen

Float, float on (You better float with me now)
Float on, float on (Float on)
Float, float, float on (Yeah, yeah)
(You better float on)
(Float on)
(Ah)

And the mother of all sing-a-longs…
'Cause I Love You - Lenny Williams

And my friend told me, he said, “Lenny,
You just oughta forget about her”
But I told my friend, I said, “You know
Maybe you’ve never been in love like I’ve been in love
And maybe you’ve never felt the things that I’ve felt”
But this is what I told my friend
I said, “You know, sometimes you get lonely
You get lonely, you get lonely”
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And I cry, I cry
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
And the tears would fill up in the wells
In the wells of my eyes, aww baby
And then it got so bad, it got so bad
Till one time I thought I’d roll myself up in a big ol’ ball and die

And finally Jerry (The Real Nasty Man…Sorry Aaron Hall…) Collins’ favorite song: Shining Star – The Manhattans

Yes…even Pacific Islanders know about The Manhattans…even ones who weren’t born when the song was originally released!

JC is gonna wrap those 22 inch biceps around my neck and squeeze my head clean off if I keep teasing him! But I can’t stop…won’t stop! Besides, here at SATS we only tease people we like. What would be the point otherwise? Anyhoo, I think JC knows all these songs (He’s plenty ghetto, just not Negroid) but if he doesn’t I will gladly teach him…(giggle) – GD

Ms. GD readily admits to being confounded my many things (like string theory, the after life, ultra-conservatives and animals with bifurcated or prehensile penises) but one of her major (and many) pet peeves are inexplicable song lyrics. She feels that song lyrics should not require the listener to study for the GRE/LSAT, have a degree in psychology or be so mysterious as to render any reasonable interpretation wholly useless. Having said that, here are a few songs that never fail to perplex and baffle.

Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone by The Temptations (Norman Whitfield)

This song never ceases to put me in a quandary. Every time I hear it I spend the rest of the day rolling the lyrics ‘round my brain, trying to decipher the actions of the characters. The premise of the song is this: A man is reminiscing about the day his father died and the resulting conversation with his mother. I use the word “conversation” lightly though because it is all very one-sided. The man asks his mother to confirm information about his father, most of it pretty horrendous, but “Mama” continually gives only one reply:

Mama just hung her head and said,
"Papa was a rollin’ stone, my son.
Wherever he laid his hat was his home.
(And when he died) All he left us was ALONE."
"Hey, Papa was a rollin’ stone.
Wherever he laid his hat was his home.
(And when he died) All he left us was ALONE."

What? A son asks his mother if his dead father, who he never knew, was truly as bad as everyone says he was and all “Mama” can be bothered to say is, “Papa was a rollin’ stone?” The man is dead…a dead scoundrel…why not answer the questions? What’s the point of all the avoidance? I’d like to think that if I ever had any kids that I would have spent time cultivating the sort of relationship where I’d feel free to answer all my kid’s questions, no matter how distasteful or difficult they might be. The fact the mother doesn’t confirm or deny any of her son’s suspicions makes me think she’s hiding something. Are the accusations all lies? Is she still in love with the deceased? Was the family in the Witness Protection Program?

If I ever meet Mr. Whitfield, that is if he’s still alive, I will have to grab him by the lapels and demand he answer these questions!

If I Can’t Have You by Yvonne Elliman (Bee Gees)

I really do love this song! It’s extremely catchy, great to dance to, Yvonne’s voice is superb, and it just brings back so many wonderful Saturday Night Fever memories. But it is just…so…sad! It really bothers me when women kvetch and moan over men like this! I just want to grab this woman by the lapels and shake her!

If I can't have you

I don't want nobody, baby

If I can't have you... 

If I can't have you

I don't want nobody, baby

If I can't have you...

What in blue blazes is she talking about? She can’t have the man she wants so she’s dooming herself to a life of hopelessness and despair? It is more than evident that a man wrote this song. Only a man would think that a woman would “get thee to a nunnery” and spend the rest of her days pining away for her lost beloved! Give me a freakin’ break! All it takes for a man to get over a woman is another woman. Maybe a little battery acid thrown in the face of the offending women? Murder/suicide is another tactic widely used by “broken hearted” men.

What she needs to do is get thee to a counselor to discuss her co-dependency issues then head to the yoga studio for some stretching and deep breathing exercises. In the immortal words of Parliament Funkadelic, free your ass and your mind will follow!

And while we’re on the subject of ass…

Wait (The Whisper Song) by the Ying Yang Twins

I must admit that I like this joint too. But before you throw the Feminist Bible at me, let me explain! I like the fact that Mr. Ying and Mr. Yang are whispering. People don’t usually whisper through out an entire song and it actually compliments the subject matter, lending it a more seductive tone. If they spoke in normal voices the song would seem even more garish and filthy then it already is…sort of like a Luke song. The second thing I like is the spare beat. It reminds me of Hip Hop’s infancy when all an MC needed was a funky base line or an 808 to get his point across. Honestly, I really can’t help but shake my ass when I hear it. But then there are the lyrics:

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick 

Wait til you see my dick 

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick 

Imma beat dat pussy up 

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick 

Wait you see my dick 

Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick 

Imma beat dat pussy up

Where to gotdam begin? The underlying (some would argue blatant) misogyny is what got so many people riled up. But my question is this: Are there really still women out there who respond to this sort of behavior? I mean men can only get away with what we women let them. Men have proven that they can’t be trained or even reasoned with so why are we enabling them by allowing them to speak to us in this manner and then rewarding them with sexual favors?

Mr. Ying and Mr. Yang didn’t just pull these lyrics out of their collective asses. I’m sure there was some sort of hypothesis with a field study, dependent and independent variables, and a double-blind study with a clinical trial. If I write them do you think they’d send me their findings? Maybe they’ve already been published in some scholarly, scientific, Hip Hop journal?

As for me, I think if I were in a club and Mr. Ying or Mr. Yang…or any doofus for that matter, approached me and said, “You got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft. Mind if I touch it and see if it’s soft?” I’d slap the ever-loving shit out of him and stomp on his nuts with my three-inch heels for good measure. That shit ain’t right yo! I’m just saying…

Oh well, my favorite Temptations song is Treat Her Like A Lady …the same as a certain hot, New Zealand Rugby player I know… – GD

You start a conversation you can't even finish it/You're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything/When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed/Say something once, why say it again? – “Psycho Killer”, Talking Heads

Well my dear, Dear Readers it has been a while hasn’t it? I wish I could say that the reason I haven’t written anything is because I’ve been so busy but the real truth of the matter is that I’ve had naught to say. That’s right, Ms. GD has had absolutely nothing to get off her substantial chest. I know, I know…you can’t believe such an opinionated, hyper-intelligent bitch could go five minutes without spouting off on something or other but it is so very true. This isn’t to say I haven’t read or seen things that make me want to pull out my soapbox and get to agitating. No it just means that I haven’t felt the need to kvetch about anything…until now. To totally misquote Erykah Badu, I’m a “Lewis Carrol girl in a Dostoevsky world” so something ludicrous and drama drenched was bound to happen! Right? Anyway…on to the verbal smack downs:

This week’s list of people whose lips I’d like to permanently zip are:

Elton John - Shut your yap! I used to like Elton but after he stopped being able to produce a hit and started shoving his grandiose (and poorly reviewed) musicals down our collective throats, well he just become a tiresome bore, a caricature of himself and just a huge pain in the ass! What’s with all the “advice” to anyone and everyone? What’s with all the opinions on everyone’s behavior? Remember Sir Elton, it wasn’t so long ago that you were battling bankruptcy and excuse me but Britain only recently allowed gay marriages so why are you acting like a “Smug Married”? For the love of Pete will you just – Shut Up!

Jenny Shimizu – Zip your pouty lips! Jenny we don’t care okay. Unless you have video of you and Madonna/Angelina doing the lesbian nasty then why bother yapping about it? What are you trying to prove? Besides, both of these women have screwed plenty of men and women so the fact that they both screwed you ain’t really news. Also, both of then left you for and married men (two each) so what does that say about your skills in the bedroom? Yeh that’s what I thought. Domo arigato and – Shut Up!

Nick Lachey – Shut your pie hole! I’ve told him once but I guess it didn’t stick so here it is again. Nick…pumpkin…it’s over. Leave Jess alone and don’t talk to any more celebrity rags. No one feels sorry for you so just face the truth. Jessica is America’s bubble headed sweetheart and you betrayed her which means we were forced to take her side. You might have been able to get her back but you kept talking and talking and talking and Texas girls don’t play that! Now Mama GD is going to tell you what to do next. First, get an appointment with Angelina Jolie’s publicist. If anyone knows how to correct your negative spin it will be him/her. The second thing you need to do is have your people call Timbaland, Wyclef Jean or Jermaine Dupree and beg them to help you with your new CD. No more syrupy love songs for you Nicky baby! You need a full on dose of in yo freakin’ face R&B infused pop! If you do these two things you can begin to rid yourself of that hideous boy band taint. It worked for Justin Timberlake and he can’t sing worth a damn! But in the mean time – Shut Up!

Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!

Well that felt good! Now I’m empty and ready to be filled to the brim with more ignorance. Oh I can’t wait! – GD