YAWN!

Is this year’s Super 14 boring the shit out of you too? My computer was so bored it completely shut down. Seriously, she went to sleep Thursday night and didn’t wake up until sometime Sunday afternoon. I tried shoving her but she wouldn’t budge. So I just left her the fuck alone because, quite honestly, I felt her pain. But then my iPod, in a show of solidarity, decided to take an extended nap too and that was where I had to draw the line! Email and rugby shit I can live without but a weekend without music is a fate worse than death! Fortunately Mr. iPod decided to rise and shine this morning just before I left for work…typical male… - GD

Full On Fooliwang
Damnit Nonu! Damnit Jerry!
Somebody check on Nonu! What the hell is wrong with the boy? And what the fuck is going on with Jerry? Check on JC too while you at it! I would say they both need to calm down and maybe relax, have a drink and get laid but we all know lack of alcohol and sex is the least of their problems! Maybe Nonu is acting all discombobulated because of something I know which I can’t say anymore about because I’ve been sworn to secrecy? And maybe all the baby drama is finally getting to Jerry and he had to take it out on nigga’s face?

You didn’t ask for my opinion Nonu but uh…you need to check yo self before ya wreck yo self! Jerry will be on the next All Black’s squad no matter what but your spot, as you well know, is a bit more tenuous. Have you seen the opinion polls? When I took it most people thought you’d never see another black jersey unless you bought it your -damn-self! If you’re not going to show Graham Henry your peepee you best get you act together Bruv. Oh well, nigga has yet to listen to a word I say so…WHATEV!

Just look a him ya’ll! Sittin’ in the sin bin lookin’ like butter wouldn’t melt. Oooooo LAWD!

That’s not why they suck!
I wish The Highlanders’ terrible game play could be blamed on bad hair but if we followed that logic every NZ rugby team would suck! Oh wait; they did lose the World Cup so I guess they may have a freakin point! Kudos to the NZ public for finally recognizing how shitty that shaved, mullet mess is although you left it a bit late don’t you think?

Bitch And Moan, Bitch And Moan!
I don’t know who this Kronfeld dude is but he makes an interesting assessment! Check out the quote below regarding the recent rule changes:


Indeed! If the Hurricanes’ current lackluster performance on the pitch is any indication then old, angry dude has a point. However, SHUT UP! If the IRB wanted your opinion you’d be on the next plane to Dublin, Ireland but as it stands you are sitting in Dunedin, New Zealand eating meat pies like you NZers love to do! If anyone has a right to complain it’s me and galaxyMafia; we’re the ones who have to struggle to make this shit funny! Get your priorities straight and chill out before that vein in your neck pops…fo reals homie!

Bits And Pieces
Gatland stands on his Wales record and stands by the new asshole he ripped for New Zealand. I ain’t mad atcha boy!

Troy Flavell heads back to Japan after Super 14…and who among us besides Cécile really gives a damn? Yes, that’s what I thought…

The Chiefs are doomed and that’s all there is to it!

Nucifora has yet to buy a clue, even after getting his ass kicked in South Africa…

Richie, DC and Co. have way too much time on their hands and not enough razor blades!

I admit the NFL and the NBA have irrevocably spoiled me but in this situation imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery – it’s a fucking insult! Check out these so called cheerleaders in all their denim, cutoff booty shorts and horrendous dance moves glory!

Super 14 week three slideshow featuring: Sione getting his pants pulled down, Nacewa getting crushed to death, Mose perfecting his Heisman trophy stance with his sexy afro, Hurricane hug fest, Ig’nant Highlanders mascot and all up betwixt Richie’s legs. Listen to the commentary if you like but I suggest hitting the mute button.

And In Six Nations News…

I am so damn happy for Scotland, really I am, but shit if the English peeps aren't being hard on poor Jonny! He got the top scoring record ya’ll give him a break! It’s okay pookie toot, you’ll get’em next year!

Irelands scrappy little leprechauns could not out scrap Wales and were therefore sent home.

France poured Hollandaise all in Italy’s Marinara and that shit tasted just as good as it sounds! UGH!

Wow! Is that a fifth of whiskey in your compression undergarmet or are you just happy to see me? *wink*

Well it’s almost the end of my Very Merry UnBirthday and I am well pleased! I had a great party Saturday and today, which is my actual birthday, was peaceful and relaxing. So now it’s back to blogging and all that yackety boo! Like to hear it here it go…

And Here I Was All Worried And Shit!
Cécile, Rose…you may now breathe a sigh of relief, Troy Flavell and Richie McCaw are to retain their respective captaincies! Thank GOD! I was so freakin’ worried I could barely sleep at night! I thought I was going to need an Ambien prescription or something! Whew!

Everyone’s Got An Opinion…No Matter How Stupid
Don’t bother saving NZ Rugby. Just toss it all out and start all over again!

Graham Henry thought he was gonna eat it.

And so did this guy!

Confidence Building Good. Building False Hope Bad!
Highlanders PLEASE! This means nothing! You still suck!

Nucifora is trying to fuck it up for Joe again! Graham Henry will not be pleased…

And In Mils Muliaina News...
Malili’s hair is still on point so that’s good. And then there’s video! VIDEO! Sigh. I know I shouldn’t be so excited but I can’t help it! He’s just so sweet and intelligent and personable! Sigh.

And On The Other Side Of The Tasman Sea...
Matt Giteau, that Hot Piece Of Australian Rugby Trash, is No. 1 at being No. 10. Had we any doubts? Me thinkeths not!

What's really hood Western Force? Save all that aggression for the pitch yo! Well at least you've moved on from fondling wildlife...

Lose weight, gain it...won't make a difference Reds. You are the Highlanders of Australia. Embrace your mediocraty. Poor Clinton Schifcofske, he's too hot to be on this so called team!

Sterling Mortlock is still playing it coy with the Brumbies. Don't let them force your hand Morty! $3.75 million ain't nothing to fuck with baby. I say go with the cash!

Is this a sign? Could the Waratahs of 2006 be making a return? If the recent pre-season ass kicking dished out to the Crusaders is any indication then YES!

And another bright spot is the very cutie patootie young Tongan named Alfi Mafi! Don’t know if I’d call him Rugby Trash just yet, I have to see him in action first. But until then please enjoy these photos I stole from his Bebo page!

And my personal favorite...the Fudgesicle! As they say in Olde London Towne...Phwoar!

Please God, in the name of everything that is sacred and holy, keep these men healthy this Super 14!

Some fool on the Chiefs has already injured himself which is why newly drafted Tasesa Lavea will be starting at first-five when the Chiefs meet his old teammates - The Blues - at Eden Park.

Last season was so horrible for these guys! Players were breaking their necks off, breaking their feet off, breaking their legs and shoulders off and whatnot! Falling all out on the pitch, screaming and writhing in torturous pain as acid fire rained down from the heavens and the earth trembled and volcanoes erupted spitting molten lava and ash and...

Okay so maybe it wasn't quite that apocalyptic but as you may recall, that is if you listened to our podcasts (Which you didn't), I suspected (much to the chagrin of galaxyMafia) that the Chiefs, nay the entire city of Hamilton, had a major curse on it! Seriously, how else to explain the awesome bad luck that took hold of this team?

Let's hope all the praying and burnt offerings were heard and accepted by the gods of rugby 'cause with all the recently departed talent currently residing in Europe and all the old folks retiring, the Chiefs are gonna need all the spiritual/metaphysical help they can get! I'm not taking any chances though. I was saving this for when I moved back into my house but I think I'm gonna make myself a very special Chiefs doll formed from candle wax, spritz some holy water on it and burn sage over it just in damn case! - GD

Ms. GD is back with some super gossip for all her super Dear Readers! Because this is very special, scandalous gossip she has decided to write it in the form of a fairy tale. So sit back and enjoy the tale of a king who might one day lose his queen (Who by all accounts still has that new car smell) if he doesn’t learn to keep his regal penis in his sovereign pants…

We know…you guess…

So I creep yeah
Just keep it on the down low
Said nobody is supposed to know
So I creep yeah
'Cause [S]he doesn't know
What I do and no attention
Goes to show oh so I creep
Creep – TLC

Once upon a time (May 2007 to be exact), in a land far, far, away (The Land of the Rising Sun to be even more exact), there was a tournament held for former All Blacks to relive their glory days and test their mettle against younger, better conditioned, non-busted up and broke down players.

And at that time, in that far away land, at that irksome tournament, there was in attendance a certain “King”. Now this king was not a true king at all but just a lowly commoner who’d been given the honorific title because of his feats of daring do on the pitch and his long and faithful service to his homeland and the game of rugby. In fact, the only attribute he shared with a true king was his unusual first name and the kingly habit of feeling entitled to getting whatever his little heart desired whenever his little heart desired it. But I get ahead of myself…

One night, after a difficult day spent toiling on the pitch (You know the old grey stallion, he ain’t what he used to be…), the king decided to spend the evening with his teammates at a local public house in a quaint little thriving, pulsating metropolis called Tokyo. While fellowshipping with his cronies (And by “fellowshipping” I mean picking up girls) the king noticed a beautiful young woman entering the establishment. Now this was not the beautiful young woman he’d been married to since 2005 but a different, more exotic beautiful young woman he’d never seen before. The king was so taken with this lovely creature that be proceeded to openly stare at her as she made her way about the local drinking establishment.

Little did he know that the exotically beautiful young woman was actually a Princess in disguise and had absolutely no interest in a married man who all but flaunted his low birth by gaping at her all night long like a bug-eyed trout freshly netted from a lake! Now even a Princess has to head to the Ladies Room on occasion (She’s royal but still human you know!) but unfortunately, the king saw this as a chance to make his move. He cornered her outside the WC and proceeded to hand her a note, which read:

“The King”
Room 12XX
Blank Hotel

The Princess was, of course, mightily insulted but because she was in fact a Princess of the highest breeding she did not strike him across his face with her glove and call him a bounder and a ridiculous oaf for confusing her royal carriage with that of common Oiran! No, instead she hesitantly accepted the note, bowed gracefully (As is the custom in her land) and entered the restroom while silently cursing him in the most beautiful, grammatically correct and formal Japanese her injured soul could muster.

Upon exiting the Ladies Lounge the Princess was distressed to see the king still standing there, apparently awaiting her imminent reemergence. The king, who obviously could not afford to buy a clue, took it upon himself to speak to the Princes but by then she was so insulted that she could not speak and quickly left the pub, distressed that her night on the town had been ruined by the village idiot in royal robes.

Later that week she began to feel very sorry for the way she’d treated the king because she was, after all, a Princess and he was, after all, a dullard. But then one of her ladies in waiting informed her that the king had passed the same note to several different women after her departure! This made her feel less upset about her own behavior and more secure in her earlier assessment that a faithful and honorable professional athlete is a rare bird indeed.

The End

copyright 2007. . .GM