Ms. GD is back with some super gossip for all her super Dear Readers! Because this is very special, scandalous gossip she has decided to write it in the form of a fairy tale. So sit back and enjoy the tale of a king who might one day lose his queen (Who by all accounts still has that new car smell) if he doesn’t learn to keep his regal penis in his sovereign pants…

We know…you guess…

So I creep yeah
Just keep it on the down low
Said nobody is supposed to know
So I creep yeah
'Cause [S]he doesn't know
What I do and no attention
Goes to show oh so I creep
Creep – TLC

Once upon a time (May 2007 to be exact), in a land far, far, away (The Land of the Rising Sun to be even more exact), there was a tournament held for former All Blacks to relive their glory days and test their mettle against younger, better conditioned, non-busted up and broke down players.

And at that time, in that far away land, at that irksome tournament, there was in attendance a certain “King”. Now this king was not a true king at all but just a lowly commoner who’d been given the honorific title because of his feats of daring do on the pitch and his long and faithful service to his homeland and the game of rugby. In fact, the only attribute he shared with a true king was his unusual first name and the kingly habit of feeling entitled to getting whatever his little heart desired whenever his little heart desired it. But I get ahead of myself…

One night, after a difficult day spent toiling on the pitch (You know the old grey stallion, he ain’t what he used to be…), the king decided to spend the evening with his teammates at a local public house in a quaint little thriving, pulsating metropolis called Tokyo. While fellowshipping with his cronies (And by “fellowshipping” I mean picking up girls) the king noticed a beautiful young woman entering the establishment. Now this was not the beautiful young woman he’d been married to since 2005 but a different, more exotic beautiful young woman he’d never seen before. The king was so taken with this lovely creature that be proceeded to openly stare at her as she made her way about the local drinking establishment.

Little did he know that the exotically beautiful young woman was actually a Princess in disguise and had absolutely no interest in a married man who all but flaunted his low birth by gaping at her all night long like a bug-eyed trout freshly netted from a lake! Now even a Princess has to head to the Ladies Room on occasion (She’s royal but still human you know!) but unfortunately, the king saw this as a chance to make his move. He cornered her outside the WC and proceeded to hand her a note, which read:

“The King”
Room 12XX
Blank Hotel

The Princess was, of course, mightily insulted but because she was in fact a Princess of the highest breeding she did not strike him across his face with her glove and call him a bounder and a ridiculous oaf for confusing her royal carriage with that of common Oiran! No, instead she hesitantly accepted the note, bowed gracefully (As is the custom in her land) and entered the restroom while silently cursing him in the most beautiful, grammatically correct and formal Japanese her injured soul could muster.

Upon exiting the Ladies Lounge the Princess was distressed to see the king still standing there, apparently awaiting her imminent reemergence. The king, who obviously could not afford to buy a clue, took it upon himself to speak to the Princes but by then she was so insulted that she could not speak and quickly left the pub, distressed that her night on the town had been ruined by the village idiot in royal robes.

Later that week she began to feel very sorry for the way she’d treated the king because she was, after all, a Princess and he was, after all, a dullard. But then one of her ladies in waiting informed her that the king had passed the same note to several different women after her departure! This made her feel less upset about her own behavior and more secure in her earlier assessment that a faithful and honorable professional athlete is a rare bird indeed.

The End