...Or What a Horrible Wack-tastrophe!

NAME: George Clooney

EVEN IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, DON'T OBJECTIFY HIM BECAUSE: He is waaaaaay too overrated, he has no top lip (I could never trust a man without a top lip. It’s just unseemly!), and he’s on the serious down low! If you don’t believe me just ask Jackie Collins! I have no respect for a man who can not admit he…ahem…enjoys the company of other men.

OK, LISTEN, WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY, “BUT, WHAT IF HE'S CUTE”? NO, BECAUSE: He ain’t that cute! I’ve stepped over cuter floating in the gutter!

WHAT IF HE'S RICH? NO, BECAUSE: Would you really want to share all his cash with Serge, Trey, Niles and all his...ahem... “poker” buddies? I think not!

WHAT IF HE CHALLENGES USHER TO A DANCE-OFF (AND WINS!) WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY JUGGLEING YOU, YO MAMA, AND FRED DURST? NO, BECAUSE: Would you really want to lay a pinky finger on, much less eat sushi off anyone who’d touched Fred Durst? I didn’t think so!

WHAT IF HE GIVES ME LOOSE DIAMONDS/AN ISLAND IN FIJI/51% OWNERSHIP IN THE FOOTBALL TEAM HE OWNS? (LORD, WE FEEL YOUR PAIN, SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THE LOOSE DIAMONDS!) STILL, NO YOU CAN'T OBJECTIFY HIM BECAUSE: Ahem! See number 4

BOTTOM LINE IS, WITH HIM AS A TABLE, SUSHI WOULD TASTE LIKE: Fire roasted rat feces with just a hint of lime.

And in the immortal words of Madonna –

And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]

So there George Clooney! You are so very wickety wickety wack! Yawn! – GD