I just got back from watching Michael Winterbottom’s 9 Songs. Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of it, not only is it an Indie film but it’s also British. I know what you must be thinking; instant snorefest. Victorian clothes and snobby accents wrapped up in a neat little Merchant-Ivory package. Boy oh boy are you in for a shock!

I should probably start from the beginning…

I few weeks ago I was reading the Village Voice Online movie reviews when the heading, “Sweaty Bottoms Hit Rock Bottom in New Winterbottom” caught my eye. I was only vaguely familiar with Winterbottom’s work so I decided to give it a click see. The thing that stuck out the most about the review was the use of the word “porn” to describe the movie. Well anything that uses porn as one of its antecedents will always get Ms. GD’s vote so I decide to check it out when the film finally hit town.

Warning: the flowing may contain spoilers

The story centers on Matt and Lisa who meet at a concert at London’s famed Brixton Academy. Matt is a Brit and Lisa is American but this has almost nothing to do with their relationship. Most of the movie is told in flashbacks from Matt’s point of view. Matt is a Glaciologist and Lisa…well we never really learn what the hell she does but that really isn’t important either. What is important is the growth and death of this modern relationship and the fact that the actors are actually having real, graphic sex. Yes you read that last sentence correctly – Real people. Real humping.

Now it would be easy to dismiss this movie as nothing more than tarted up (or should that be tarted down?) pornography but to do that I think would be a disservice to the actors, the director and what I think is at the heart of the whole thing, the relationship.

We all know that Americans are really uptight and hypocritical about sex but what we don’t know is that we also don’t have any taste and it shows in our porn. It follows that if you think sex is dirty then the way you choose to portray it will also be dirty. Now I like the idea of porn, in general, but for the most part I think it kind of sucks (pun intended). I know about the dark side and I’m not saying I approve of the drug use, physical abuse, sexism, racism etc. but, all things being equal and ALL people being treated like the beautiful human beings they are, it can really be hot!

What I dislike are the physical stereotypes. Blond, breast implanted, collagen injected white women are just so damn boring! And the men are no better – you basically have two types, 1) Short hair, with or without tattoos 2) Long hair, with or without tattoos. Both stereotypes are Nautilus pumped boneheads who act as though they just left the frat house! Also boring as hell. Even if the people aren’t white there are still those pesky stereotypes; Black women are sexually voracious, ghetto girls with big asses and black men are sexually voracious, ghetto boys with big dicks. Asian women are tiny “china dolls” eager to please, Latina’s are hot tamales with an itch only a white man’s cock can scratch! Did I mention boring? And don’t get me started on gay porn, fake lesbians, fake orgasms, shitty stories, shittier acting, and sexual positions that one would only use if there was a camera shoved in ones face (or ass, or pussy, or testicles…)!

But thank goodness the Europeans aren’t nearly as tense as we are! What we have with 9 Songs is an exploration of a real relationship, the kind we really have – girl meets boy, girl is extremely turned on by boy, boy takes girl home, girl and boy fuck like rabbits, girl and boy try to deal with the fallout of a relationship built on lust.

I like this movie. It is sexy because it’s real, smack dab in the middle of the movie sex curve. It isn’t Hollywood (light diffusers, Band Aides on nipples, wrapping oneself in a sheet to go to the bathroom), it isn’t porn (actors overly aware of the camera, preposterous scenarios, men who never ejaculate inside the person they’re fucking and the people who pretend to enjoy this); it’s something new altogether. It’s an accurate portrayal of how real people behave when they know no one is watching. FINALLY!

Thank you Mr. Winterbottom. Smooches! - GD