Another week…another chance to spread the gossip! This week’s COT features an all Tongan cast of busters, er I mean characters, so because this is such a special event I’ve decided to sing a song (Those of you who've listened to our Rugby World Cup podcasts may recognize the tune) – It’s Tonga Time…It’s time for the Tongans…It’s Tonga Tiiiiiiiime…Oooooooooo weeeeelllllll! Don your manafau, dance the lakalaka and God save the King! Ooooohhhhhhh yeaaaaaaah! [That was for you gM!]

We know…you guess…

Blind Item One

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
You Know I’m No Good – Amy Winehouse

Confirmed – ‘Nesians, like men of color world wide, love themselves some white women and Tongans are no exception! Word on the street is that this player, who did such a fabulous job on Tonga’s World Cup squad, has a penchant for blondes and gold fillings (Yes I said “fillings”, like what you put in your teeth to fill a cavity). But of course rumor also has it that while he favors the fair, Caucasian sisters he still likes to keep it thugy with plenty of ride or die bitches, I assume of the white and ‘Nesian variety. But don’t despair, it’s also rumored that the brother knows his way around a vagina so if you’re ghetto, white and have gold fillings then you’re in like Flynn! I bet he must be losing his ever-loving mind in Japan. Not many natural blondes there but if anyone can find them it will definitely be our boy! Hmmm…wonder what his wife thinks about his um…hobby?

Blind Item Two

They call me the Superman lover, yeah
I said they call me the Superman lover, yeah
But somethings wrong
Something is wrong with me you see
Superman Lover – Johnny “Guitar” Watson

This brother was so deep undercover that our sources had a hard time finding any information on him but when they finally got some – boy howdy! – was it ever funny! Let me say first off that I never thought this guy was a virgin. I never thought any of these guys were virgins but there was just something about this tall, handsome Tongan that made me think he wouldn’t be quite the ginormous ho his peers seem to be. Now I haven’t gotten a full report yet but when I get more particulars like performance level and penis size I’ll be sure to pass those tidbits on to you my Dear Readers!

According to my source our mystery, 100% pure Tongan, paid an evening visit to a sweet young thang in Hamilton. Now visiting a willing partner at her home with the intent to fuck isn’t an unusual occurrence but visiting her at the home she shares with her flat mates with the intent to fuck…while the flat mates are still in the flat…is pretty damn bold and kind of skanky (for her and him) if ya ask me! Or maybe Ms GD is just old fashioned? Or maybe that’s how they roll in NZ? Anyway, action takes place and, I assume, both partners were fully satiated. On his way out the player in question made a monumental error in judgment when he decided to quip, again in front of his host’s flat mates – wait for it Dear Readers…

“You just got served.”

Who fuckin’ says that? Seriously people, WHO? Not even in jest would I proclaim such a thing to someone I’d just randomly fucked! Especially not in front of witnesses! Either this guy is supremely overconfident in his abilities or he’s just plan stupid! If it were the latter then he would be well advised to stay away from the spur of the moment witticisms because they only make you look dumber, particularly if you can’t even spell wit. Good Lord son, where is your dignity?

And In The News…

I’ve reached the conclusion that there has to be something, some sort of mystery pollutant, in the Hamilton air that makes rugby players act a damn fool. First Sione Lauaki got hemmed up for knockin’ folk upside the head then Sitiveni Sivivatu slapped the hell out of his wife and now Sosene "Broke Neck" Anesi is getting into altercations all up and down the street! Hmmm...something tells me there was a white woman involved. As the French say, Cherchez la femme!

Now granted, Mr. Anesi is only half Tongan, the other half being Samoan, but I say that just makes it worse! When you add the Tongan predilection for putting foot to ass to the Samoan superiority complex plus whatever magic spell is currently hovering over Hamilton, well I’m surprised Prime Minister Helen Clark hasn’t already called for a state of emergency!

And I know you’re saying, oh Glamour Diva you’re wrong for that, but I’m not the only one who’s noticed this. Auckland knows it too, which is why when Lauaki and Mils Muliaina started acting out they got their asses unceremoniously dumped in Hamilton! If Ali Williams hadn’t gotten his shit together when he did and Doug Howlett hadn’t been leaving for Ireland, I bet you they would have found themselves in Waikato like all the other rejects! I really do think there’s some sort of invisible containment field around that city ya’ll!

But then maybe these guys are just so bored (If the town is anything like the rugby union then who can blame them?) that the only thing they can think to do is start fights with family, friends and complete strangers? If that is indeed the case then I say God bless’em!

Correction - In the original edit Ms. GD erroneously stated that Sosene "Broke Neck" Anesi is half Tongan and half Samoan. Mr. Anesi is in fact 100% pure Samoan. It is Ben Atiga who is half and half! Ms. GD always gets these two confused but she stands by her original assertion that something is indeed rotten in Hamilton and that a Tongan-Samoan mix is still a potentially catastrophic concoction! Let's hope Mr. Atiga keeps his nose clean in Auckland or else he'll find himself sitting in a new post code...

Until next time Dear Readers!

Smooches,
Glamour Diva

Don't be shy Dear Readers! If you have any gossip on any rugby player by all means drop us an email on yahoo or Bebo and let us know. We don't discriminate, we'll take gossip on any player from any part of the world. Don't let the gossip die people!