Today I was checking out Site Meter when I noticed an interesting development. Every few months The Sushi Girls™ receive an anonymous comment from a woman, presumably, somewhere in South Africa claiming to be the as yet unknown girlfriend/secret lover/significant other/piece of ass/ride or die bitch of the heavily tattooed Samoan winger and former Hurricane Lome Fa’atau.

Now as many of you know Mr. Fa’atau is currently linked to a woman named Rachel who, last I heard, left Wellington and the life she once knew to follow him to Scotland where it appears he has failed to make much of an impression on the good people of Glasgow as well as his team, The Glasgow Warriors. So you can understand our…interest…when Ms. Anonymous first popped up, telling us she knew the real deal about Lomz. We thought Ms. Anonymous would eventually come forward and send us a long and detailed email on all the finer points of their tawdry affair but such an email was never forthcoming.

No Dear Readers it seems Ms. Anonymous is content with sending us periodic comments hinting at what a fantastic cocksman Lome is and how foolish Rachel is for thinking she owns his heart…and his cock.

Well Ms. Anonymous I am here to tell you that we are not amused!

Listen girlfriend, if you insist on turning up like a bad penny every three months then so be it; we can’t stop you. But if you have something to say, which you obviously do because you keep coming back and commenting on the same posts over and over again, we’d appreciate you saying it or put us all out of our misery and just go away!

Won’t you try to see this from our point of view Dear Ms. Anonymous? Just say you know someone that every so often runs up to you and screams, oh I don’t know, something like, “I know where there’s a cache of Nazi gold!”

I can’t be 100% on this but I think your instinct might be to either ignore the person altogether (Because telling a complete stranger something so amazing seems almost as crazy as the Nazi who originally stole the gold) or to simply ask the screamer where the secret cache is (Still thinking they must be crazy of course but hey, you like adventure so whatev...). Now if after telling you this piece of news and having you do/say one of the things mentioned above, the screamer were to look around furtively then run away screaming never to return…until three months later screaming the exact same thing with the exact same furtive looks and running away and screaming…wouldn’t you find that odd and tremendously annoying?

Well that’s the place we are currently squatting in Ms. Anonymous! We love all our Dear Readers, even the annoying ones, but enough is enough! This affair with Mr. Fa’atau is wrecking havoc on your psyche and your refusal or inability to share the nasty details is testing our patience. So, as my Grandmother used to say, either piss or get off the pot Ms. Anonymous! Purge yourself of this awesome burden or stop screaming at us about Lome’s golden tongue! If we could reveal our sources they would tell you that we are excellent secret keepers so if it’s your identity you’re concerned about you really shouldn’t let that trouble you Ms. Anonymous. Also, neither Rachel nor Lome reads this blog so what the fuck right? I mean, if they did you’d be so busted anyway because you’ve already said in your comments that you’re a) blond, b) South African, and c) fucking Lome. If you’re still doing him that means that both he and Rachel are still blissfully unaware. What have you got to lose baby?

But if you’re still timid about revealing more information I will tell you how to get in contact with us AND keep your anonymity:

1. Get an anonymous email account (Hotmail, Yahoo! Mail, GMail, etc.)
2. Copy this email address – the_sushi_diaries@yahoo.com
3. Open your new email account and paste our email address into the “To:” section
4. In the body of the open email, pour out your little heart to The Sushi Girls™ (Including what city in South Africa you currently reside so we can match this against Site Meter and keep the wannabes away)

If after doing this you find yourself feeling frisky please include any and all photo evidence you might have of Lome Fa’atau in flagrante delicto as well as any photos of yourself because you may very well be blond and petite but you know good and damn well you don’t look a thing like Kate Hudson so don’t even go there girlfriend! I hope this helps and stay blessed!

Smooches,
Ms. GD