No Hater-Aid For Me Thanks!

I was talking to galaxyMafia today and she mentioned that Mariah Carey, while being nominated for four American Music Awards, only managed to win one. She finished dispensing this bit of trivial trivia by saying that she knew Ms. Carey’s lack of trophies made me happy (or the fact that she got any disappointed me).

Let the record show – I do not now, nor have I ever felt anything but love for Ms. Carey! Sure, I think she’s a trifling heifer whose divafied antics and questionable fashion sense overshadow her beautiful singing voice but she is a child of God and so not deserving of my hate! Can’t a girl have an Archnemesis without the world thinking I hate her? Just because I’d like to see her in therapy and dressed age appropriately (The Varga Pinup look is so very under 30 and MC is…not) doesn’t mean I’m a hater!

Are we all settled on this now? Glamour Diva wishes Ms. Carey and her five-octave vocal range all the happiness in the world…with a side of Zoloft!

Meeeeooooow…

Does DeLay’s Delay Really Matter?

With the infamous Dick DeGuerin as his lead council me thinks not. So what if his trial doesn't get going until the first of the year? It's not like he'll see any jail time if convicted right? Don't worry Tommy Boy, with Tricky Dicky on your side you'll be back on the Senate floor kicking ass and taking names before we can whistle Dixie!

Although himself a democrat, Mr. DeGuerin represents everything I find most despicable in lawyers – the “defense for dollars” representation. How else to explain his illustrious and varied client list: David Koresh, Robert Durst, Barbara Piotrowski and Richard Minns, and Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison? If I ever break the law I’ll want him on my defense team for sure!



SHUT UP!

This is a new feature I’m premiering today. Every so often I will pen a list of people whose lips I’d like to permanently zip!

Britney Spears/Kevin Federline – Shut your yap! You aren’t the first people to have a kid. No one cares what your baby looks like anyway so stop threatening to sue people who post his pics on their websites. They just want to see if the kid is as homely as his daddy so give’em a break BritBrit! And if he looks like K-Fed then why would you want any one to see him anyway? You should be happy someone besides you, your family, and People Magazine give a damn. Shut Up!

Nicole Richie/Paris Hilton – Stifle yourselves! You just couldn’t be satisfied with having rich daddies could you? No, you just had to invade our homes with your TV shows, sex tapes, teary-eyed confessions of drug use, commercials and (Gasp!) book deals didn’t you? You have absolutely nothing to say. What sort of Jedi Mind Trick did you use on those publishers anyway? And I will add that if you don’t want to give us the details on why the two of you aren’t talking then for pity’s sake stop talking about it! Shut Up!

Tom Cruise – ¡Cierra la boca! Your credibility is ruined. Tuck your tail between your legs and leave us all be for the love of Mike! We don’t care about you, your thoroughly brainwashed, former actress wife or your alien spawn! We don’t even care about the homosexual rumors anymore because you have completely lost your mind! No homosexual man in his right mind would want to do you now anyway. Just go away and be all Scientology absorbed by your damn self. Shut Up!

Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!





Have a terrific Thanksgiving Dear Reader and don’t eat too much! Smooches! – GD














*black and white photo by Cody Adams*